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Thread: Thrown in my face

  1. #1
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    Thrown in my face

    Hi everyone, any and all input/advice would be appreciated.

    I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and weve lived together for 3. While I worked full time I contributed whatever I could financially (he makes substantially more than I did).

    However, I went back to school this September and we both agreed that school would be my main focus and he emphasized to take advantage of the opportunity and had things covered. I pay for my own personal bills (car, insurance, phone and personal expenses) and he pretty much pays for everything else (he owns the house) and I will buy a few groceries or dinners but nothing huge.

    Today, in an argument he threw in my face that he pays for everything. I am well aware of that fact and am appreciative of everything. Its not like Im sitting at home doing nothing, I am working toward my career. I am so beyond hurt as now its obvious theres some resentment. What do I do and how do I address this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Im sorry about this.

    How did this moment end, when he threw it in your face?

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    It wasn't adressed, I immediately shut down because I was hurt. I left the situation and went to study, he never said sorry just that he didn't want to argue anymore and that he loved me before he left for work. So I'm not sure if he even realized what he said or how mean it was.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Who started the argument? What was it over?

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    Groceries and how we currently need stuff for dinner but neither of us have had the time to go. I dont anyone started it, it just was a lot of back and forth that turned into an argument.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Someone started it. If you'd care to provide us any context, it would be helpful.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    With equality comes an expectation to pull your own weight.

    I understand the agreement you made and many before you have successfully made the agreement but both have to be in it 100% no resentment. None of that, unfortunately the cats been let out the bag. We can argue back and forth about whether or not what he says was mean to me what matters is where his head is at and is resentment there.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by leeuhhwk
    So I'm not sure if he even realized what he said or how mean it was.
    You should talk to him about it. But give it a little bit of time before you do so. Don't rush to discuss it. Take a few weeks if you have to. The problem isn't going anywhere.

    When enough time passes for things to have settled down completely, bring it up to him.

    I'm not sure exactly what he said in the argument, but ask him what you did specifically to cause him to feel that way.

    He may tell you something you weren't aware of, which you can fix. Or, he may admit that he was speaking out of anger and apologize.

    The key is to find your moment. Until that time, put it out of your mind completely and focus on the positive in your relationship.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Someone started it. If you'd care to provide us any context, it would be helpful.
    Yes, agreed.

    OP, you need to connect the dots a little more to help us understand how a discussion about groceries turned into an argument. There is resentment on his side, clearly.

  11. #10
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    It sounds to me like he felt a bit pissed off that he pays the majority of stuff and you couldn't put the effort in to at least get something for dinner . A moment of resentment is what it sounds like ....only he knows if this was something that has being bubbling in the pot and he burst or a one off frustration that as he does most of the paying he expects you to at least make the effort with more vigour to at least get dinner in .

    He made this agreement with you and you can't be held ransom over it . I would feel more then a little awkward now .

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