Should I tell him and see his true emotions?

Hey, I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, he is awesome, treats me like a princess, (him and I met January 2018) well in 2017, he started going out and getting to know this other girl which was in his work environment, according to him she was ver successful in her management job, so she flirted with him, and it seemed like she liked him. This girl was going through a bad time, her boyfriend had dumped her for another woman, who happened to be his ex.

So well my boyfriend liked her alot, his feelings were developing rather quickly for this girl, than her feelings for him. So they went out a couple of times, but it didn’t work out, he did not like her way, he said, she was too insecure, indecisive. I guess that due to her breakup she was not mentally nor emotionally well.

He has mentioned her to me a couple of times, but then I got mad, cause why the need to mention her , so I told him that no more talking about her. So yeah perfect, until the other day he says: I am very happy with you I am glad god put you in my way, I remember thinking it was this other girl (referring to her ofcourse) honestly it would have never worked with her, and all her drama, and acting like she is the queen with all these man after her, she was a good person, hard worker, great job, but I just did not see her click with me.

While he was telling me this his face was like if he was thinking a lot, like lost in the horizon lol.

I happen to have a friend, who knows a guy that does helicopter rides all around, well she is his friend, and she showed me pictures of his intagram, and guess what,this

woman that my boyfriend went out with is On some pictures with this guy, and I had obviously seen her pictures before so I recognized her immediately. And well I explained to my friend that I recognized this girl cause my boyfriend had gone out with her a couple of times in 2017.

So she said oh really!!, her name is so and so and that’s his girlfriend since 2017, I was in shock!!! I was like how can this be if she and my bf were getting to know each other by that time!!. Now I understand why she was not so much into my boyfriend, my boyfriend was a rebound for her, she got playful at the beginning, cause her boyfriend had dumped her, she needed a cloth to cry, have a little fun and move on. She found this helicopter guy and that’s when she and my boyfriend distanced for ever. Maybe I’m wrong but it makes sense to me.

Now, I would like to tell all of this to my boyfriend just to see how he takes it and see if he is truly 100% over her. I just would love to see his reaction, cause I feel as if he had this woman on a pedestal by the way he has talked about her to me. I just want to see his face.

So you want to be vindictive, and throw this in his face, just to see his reaction? What problem are you thinking you will solve here? If he is smitten with her still, throwing this in his face isn't going to change that... it's simply going to make him angry with you, because you are the one in front of him being insecure and controlling.

She's been a thorn in your side since day one. You need to decide for yourself if you want to continue with him if he is obsessed with a crush. Or if you have some sort of jealosy issue.

I mean.....your bf just told you that this other girl was a mistake, paid you a huge compliment how he is happy you are in his life, called you a godsend.....and you want to be vindictive with him about it and see if you can hurt him by dredging up the past? I mean...yeah...sure...totally makes sense...not......

Your bf is long over her and clear about it. Now it's on you. Either you let the past be in the past or you need to dump your bf and find a new guy that you don't resent and want to punish. Either let this go or let him go. Anything in between and you'll just end up in a toxic mess.

I do not understand why you would do the. You sound mean and insecure.

You were also jealous of his real estate agent and another woman too.

Why are you so afraid?

I mean.....your bf just told you that this other girl was a mistake, paid you a huge compliment how he is happy you are in his life, called you a godsend.....and you want to be vindictive with him about it and see if you can hurt him by dredging up the past? I mean...yeah...sure...totally makes sense...not......

 

Your bf is long over her and clear about it. Now it's on you. Either you let the past be in the past or you need to dump your bf and find a new guy that you don't resent and want to punish. Either let this go or let him go. Anything in between and you'll just end up in a toxic mess.

This is on point. You are being very cruel, OP. If you love him, or even like him, why would you intentionally cause him pain?

You were also jealous of his real estate agent and another woman too.

Why are you so afraid?

Yeah just looked at your history. Really gotta get in control of your jealousy and need to self sabotage.

Good lord. Your bf just told you how great you are and how happy he is with you and now you are just purposely going to stir the s#%^ pot just for the sake of drama? Get over it already. You want to see his true emotions as you call it, he just showed you his true emotions

I agree with Dancing fool and Capttrae.

way too confusing and i don't know who "she" is 1/2 the time you're talking... HOWEVER...

no don't do it. what's the point? what do you plan on getting out of it? is what yo plan on getting out of it constructive or going to help fix anything? Probably not.

Just leave. you have your proof. there is no doubt. you will never look back. go find somebody good and stay positive. dont' become a negative person and carry that into your next relationship (and attract guys who want negative people.. b/c it means they are negative too and bad news for you).

 

Just leave. you have your proof. there is no doubt. you will never look back. go find somebody good and stay positive.

I'm sorry, now I am really confused.

richey, proof of what exactly, her boyfriend has done nothing wrong. He was involved with a woman in 2017 prior to meeting the OP, it didn't work out, they didn't click and he dumped her. Apparently, her bf was a rebound for her anyway.

He is now with the OP, treats her like a princess, literally thanked god for bringing her into his life, I am not even sure what the OP's issue is exactly or why this thread was even created, let alone throw what her friend told her about the other woman her bf dated prior to meeting her in his face.

I mean clearly she is still jealous of this other woman, it's just unclear why given all she wrote about how well her bf treats her.

The "proof" he is on about, is that OP's boyfriend was infatuated with this other woman before he met her (OP).

She (OP) found out that this woman was only with OP's boyfriend because she was on the rebound and she didn't actually care much about him.

OP found out this information and sounded somewhat jealous that her boyfriend really did like this woman at one time. So now, OP wants to throw it in her boyfriends face that he was nothing more than a rebound and this woman didn't really care about him.

Basically.

The "proof" he is on about, is that OP's boyfriend was infatuated with this other woman before he met her (OP).

She (OP) found out that this woman was only with OP's boyfriend because she was on the rebound and she didn't actually care much about him.

 

OP found out this information and sounded somewhat jealous that her boyfriend really did like this woman at one time. So now, OP wants to throw it in her boyfriends face that he was nothing more than a rebound and this woman didn't really care about him.

 

Basically.

Thanks Sherry, what I still don't get is why richey is advising OP to leave him; it's not like he was infatuated with this other woman or dating her while he was dating OP, it was prior. Certainly not something he deserves to be dumped over, unless I'm missing something.

Anyway, I don't see the point in telling him OP, it seems like unnecessary drama stemming from your jealousy and insecurity.

Thanks Sherry, what I still don't get is why richey is advising OP to leave him; it's not like he was infatuated with this other woman or dating her while he was dating OP, it was prior. Certainly not something he deserves to be dumped over, unless I'm missing something.

 

Anyway, I don't see the point in telling him OP, it seems like unnecessary drama stemming from your jealousy and insecurity.

I was reacting to the fact that he CONTINUES to keep talking about this woman to the OP now! I think it's a very legitimate question, as the OP asks, WHY? If he's over her, if he has no feelings for her anymore (the ex-coworker he keeps talking about), then why is she coming up from him as a topic of conversation so much? Why does he have a need to keep mentioing what a terrific persoon she is?

As for the rest.. I will point out in the BEGINNING of my post- i said i was confused by what's going on now and couldn't follow it. So if in that there is info that shows all is well now and i just couldn't follow that (too many "she's" and "he's" to know who was who) - then that's on me and my apologies. So i coudldn't and didn't use any of that last paragraph about the helicopter person and what they said or knew or saw on the pictures, bla bla bla, into my response. My response is exclusively on the parts provided above that paragraph.

To me.. that he, in a new relatinship with a new girl, can't stop talking glowingly about the ex-coworker from way back... is proof to me he's not focused on his new gf and truly committed. to me, it's proof if that ex- came back into his life for some reason - this current relationship would be on very shaky ground.

But i will agree with you.. perhaps "proof" wasn't the correct word.. and that may not constitute absolute proof.

Still. WHY does he insist on bringing this ex-coworker up with theh OP and speak of her in such glowing fashion today? That's "not nothing" ....

Richey, have you read her posting history? This is the third woman she's been jealous of.

I do agree on one point...she should leave him if she can't rein in her jealousy. She will drive him away anyway if she insists on being jealous of every female he has any contact with (i.e., his real estate agent!)

While I agree that it's never a good idea for her boyfriend (or any other person for that matter) to go on about someone they dated or knew prior to dating the person they are dating now, it's also not a good idea for OP to be so jealous.

I think this man has made it clear that he appreciates OP and feels she is a "god send"....isn't that enough? She should be happy with that..more than happy with that.

And if she is in fact trying to turn the screw over this woman from the past, then there is an obvious problem and this relationship won't work.

@richey, I think the OP made it seem like he was going on and on about her (due to her jealousy), when in fact he only mentioned her a couple of times, and one of those times was to say how she (the other woman) was no match for the OP, telling OP how happy he was that she came into his life, that she was a gift from god or something like that.

Just my take on it.

To the OP, seek help to control your jealousy is my advice.

Were you on the rebound when you met him? Were you cheated on in the past? You seem to want to keep playing detective and somehow "catch him". Also you seem to take great pleasure in hoping to embarrass him with this latest hearsay. Are you in a relationship or a war?

It seems after a year together you are hunting for things he does 'wrong' and looking for ways to force his hand to end things. If you are this unhappy, why don't you end it yourself? That's a lot better than cyber-stalking this coworker/crush for a year obsessing and going nuts comparing yourself/your looks, etc to her.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I would like to tell all of this to my boyfriend just to see how he takes it and see if he is truly 100% over her. I just would love to see his reaction, cause I feel as if he had this woman on a pedestal by the way he has talked about her to me. I just want to see his face.

I just find weird that, he talks to me about her 6 months into dating, and not at the beginning once and that’s it.

Yeah you are right, but I forgot to say this on the post, sometimes he tells me oh you got to find a good job like executive level and strive for better , I feel he said this, cause she has that type of job , she is a senior administrator, she studied for that I did not, plus it’s not something that I desire, I definitely want to find a better job but not on that level.

In less words sometimes he says certain things to me like if he wanted me to be a reflection of her, he wants to buy a pretty car, executive job, for example: like If I was a blank canvas and he wants to make me HER.

And even worse I showed a picture of this woman to a good friend of mine and my friend said: uff you and this girl look very similar, like the same prototype, so now I feel as if he liked me and decided to be with me cause he has a type and I kind of remind him of this woman. So it’s a little confusing cause a lot of people tend to look for similar exes. Maybe I am wrong about all of this. Who knows!!

And I also believe that deep down inside, this hurt him to a certain degree, cause this woman according to him, was desired by all of his work colleagues which all of them where the engineers that worked on the that luxurious building where she happens to be one of the administrators, like a WEEK ago we went to a restaurant at night which is next to that buildind, and my boyfriend was like: “ im thinking of going in real quick and saying hi to robert” robert is also an administrator of the building.

Then 3 months ago in late august 2018, we went to the beach and passed on the outside of the building, there was a security, he said hi, is robert there? The security had no idea who that was, then he mentions another friend called albert, and lastly he mentions HER. The security still had no idea. So we said goodbye and left.

Then on mid September 2018, we went to walk on the beach at night, dressed up to go eat at a restaurant, and guess where he parked?!!! On the building where she works, of course it was a Saturday night so she was not there, but they let him in, cause they know him as one of the engineers that worked on this luxurious apartment building, so we went to the lobby, he said hi to the front desk people, started talking to them, asking if whether the management company was still the same,( to me it sounded like an indirect question to whether she still worked there) and of course she still does!!.

I will let you all be the judges.

We already told you your excessive jealousy and insecurity will drive him away.

Also, it looks like you are seeking things to find and punish him for.

If you feel this way about him, why torture yourself and him? Just end the relationship already.

@richey, I think the OP made it seem like he was going on and on about her (due to her jealousy), when in fact he only mentioned her a couple of times, and one of those times was to say how she (the other woman) was no match for the OP, telling OP how happy he was that she came into his life, that she was a gift from god or something like that.

 

Just my take on it.

 

To the OP, seek help to control your jealousy is my advice.

I was just going to say that.

We forget often times were only getting one side of a story and often times it’s merely a version of the actual reality. Often signs will be there that the version of events were getting are tinted, whether by jealousy, desperation, anger, hurt.

Based on the posting history I am willing to bet a shiny quarter things didn’t happen as shadily as she’s describing either that or the relationship isn’t as great as described and she has a legitimate reason to feel as she does but I can bet her desire to ‘rub it in his face’ is a manifestation of her jealousy. Justified or not this desire is not coming from a good and happy place.

I just find weird that, he talks to me about her 6 months into dating, and not at the beginning once and that’s it.

 

Yeah you are right, but I forgot to say this on the post, sometimes he tells me oh you got to find a good job like executive level and strive for better , I feel he said this, cause she has that type of job , she is a senior administrator, she studied for that I did not, plus it’s not something that I desire, I definitely want to find a better job but not on that level.

In less words sometimes he says certain things to me like if he wanted me to be a reflection of her, he wants to buy a pretty car, executive job, for example: like If I was a blank canvas and he wants to make me HER.

 

 

And even worse I showed a picture of this woman to a good friend of mine and my friend said: uff you and this girl look very similar, like the same prototype, so now I feel as if he liked me and decided to be with me cause he has a type and I kind of remind him of this woman. So it’s a little confusing cause a lot of people tend to look for similar exes. Maybe I am wrong about all of this. Who knows!!

 

 

 

And I also believe that deep down inside, this hurt him to a certain degree, cause this woman according to him, was desired by all of his work colleagues which all of them where the engineers that worked on the that luxurious building where she happens to be one of the administrators, like a WEEK ago we went to a restaurant at night which is next to that buildind, and my boyfriend was like: “ im thinking of going in real quick and saying hi to robert” robert is also an administrator of the building.

 

 

Then 3 months ago in late august 2018, we went to the beach and passed on the outside of the building, there was a security, he said hi, is robert there? The security had no idea who that was, then he mentions another friend called albert, and lastly he mentions HER. The security still had no idea. So we said goodbye and left.

 

 

Then on mid September 2018, we went to walk on the beach at night, dressed up to go eat at a restaurant, and guess where he parked?!!! On the building where she works, of course it was a Saturday night so she was not there, but they let him in, cause they know him as one of the engineers that worked on this luxurious apartment building, so we went to the lobby, he said hi to the front desk people, started talking to them, asking if whether the management company was still the same,( to me it sounded like an indirect question to whether she still worked there) and of course she still does!!.

I will let you all be the judges.

Ok so first off, this isn’t the relationship you described originally so it’s hard to tell which came first thechicken or the egg is he causing your jealousy or are you causing your jealousy.

Second, dating isn’t a battle field. You seem hell bent on convincing us he’s shady so dump him, it’s really that simple, I promise you it is. Don’t be one of those women who have to go on a talk show and see evidence of their boyfriends on hidden camera with a sexy decoy and then still stay. If you truly believe he’s notnover this woman end it, because it will not get better.

If you have to wonder if it’s all in your head well this is why we don’t date before we’re ready, remind yourself that. If you’re making him pay for your past demons it’s not fair to him or you, and if he really is shady but you can trust your gut you’re setting yourself up to be a sitting duck.

My point is once you have thoughts of revenge it’s time to tap out.

FWIW, I don’t think I would notice all these nuances you are. Honestly it would have all went over my head, not sure if that’s a good or bad thing, I just don’t think I would notice parking habits and conversations with front lobby employees. So I’m on the fence but leaning towards you have jealousy issues to face.

ETA, I’m going to leave you with your own words to .as you say, let you be the judge.

 

But now for some weird reason, I feel the curiosity to see how she looks like, to see her pictures and compare myself to her, and see who is hotter, prettier, best body all his nonsense. I don't want to say it's an obsession, but I get very curious about all of this, Am I being insecure for feeling this way? or is it normal curiosity, or just to even compare myself to another girl that my boyfriend had something with. I just feel very curious, I just hope he is not with me, because that girl and me have a similar prototype. I feel as if I wanted to know who he finds better if me or her, physically speaking, but I don't dare to ask him, I don't think that I wont. I am going to be honest, I don't want to sound cocky or like if I am trying to put her down, I admit she is pretty, but the way that my boyfriend described her or talked about her, was not what I was expecting, I thought she was like some gorgeous 5'9 model, beautiful face, hair, everything, So I felt very shocked, like surprise when I saw her picture, I was thinking something WOW, but not Really,as I said she is pretty, cute girl, normal to me, just my opinion.

 

I dont know why I felt so down or belittled when he mentioned her to me, maybe shock, a little jealousy, insecure???.

Also you were jealous of a real estate agent too was that the same woman? If not, what do you think to be true deep down, ignore all the noise all the static all the voices, what do you truly think is happening here?

No it’s not the same woman, btw it’s funny this girl posted a video of her in a shooting range, and me and my bf are in a shooting range now, and he took a video of me, just like this girl posted about a week ago. Is this a coincidence or I repeat he is trying to make me do the same as she does, cause he likes what she does??!

No it’s not the same woman, btw it’s funny this girl posted a video of her in a shooting range, and me and my bf are in a shooting range now, and he took a video of me, just like this girl posted about a week ago. Is this a coincidence or I repeat he is trying to make me do the same as she does, cause he likes what she does??!

Omg no.

You’re going to drive him away. I promise.