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Thread: Should I Go for it?

  1. #1
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    Should I Go for it?

    I am attracted to this security guard at a company I am at temporarily. The thing is that, because of his job, he stays at the desk by the door, and literally can't get up to get to know me; I have to go up to him if I want any conversation, though I'd rather be approached. He can message me at my desk, which he has before after we talked about some things, but after I asked him about something he was supposed to show me, he never said anything about it. It's been a good month since we've really talked. I mean, I chatted with him the other day, but I haven't gone up to him like I used to.

    Another issue is that this is the slowest a guy has ever approached me; it's been a few months already, with a few approaches from me, and he's only asked me a few get-to-know-me q's in a way where I know he is attracted, too. I get the vibe that we are both the same with this - we need to get a vibe of how/who a person is more before we ask for a date. I asked for slow, and now that I got it, it feels strange; but I know it could be a good thing? Since the whole fire-crash-and-burn always happens with me. I also feel like I'm not revealing a lot about myself when we talk.

    Also, it's been years, and I've only had 1 bf, an on-and-off situation that is now complete, but I feel like I am still not completely emotionally over it, even though it's been almost 2 years now of no contact.

    Should I go for this? And how, like should I not be afraid to go up to him?
    Do you guys think I am just letting the past scare me or do I need to be completely emotionally done before I move forward? It's been years, so I thought maybe I just needed to actually like someone new for once.
    I'm also holding back because I'm unsure of where I'm going with my career/life, and I don't want to drag someone into the mess of uncertainty.
    But is it time now to take a risk?
    I am in my mid 20's.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have you read this book?: [Register to see the link]

    It would also help to get to a therapist and explore some of these difficulties with your love life
    Originally Posted by Oh me Oh I
    Also, it's been years, and I've only had 1 bf, an on-and-off situation that is now complete, but I feel like I am still not completely emotionally over it, even though it's been almost 2 years now of no contact.I am in my mid 20's.

  3. #3
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    You can go for it. Be prepared for rejection. He's behaving completely disinterested.

  4. #4
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    Why should a man have to "approach" you especially at a workplace where he risks losing his job? I get that you want him to ask you out on a date but why is he supposed to put in all the effort to show interest in you? If you want to get to know him outside of work invite him to meet you to do something casual and active- depending on weather, a walk in a scenic part of town or in a park during the day, walk around a local museum, etc - and then if the convo is going well stop for coffee. I wouldn't do something across a table unless it's too meet for a quick lunch during the work day (if he can). My sense is also he is not interested in dating you but then you will know.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Are you sure he's not married, has a girlfriend or is gay? He does not seem interested in you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    He isn't being slow, he is not interested in you that way.

    OP, just because you are attracted to a person, doesn't mean that the attraction is mutual. I'll second Wiseman here that it would be very very good for you to read the "he is just not that into you" book. It's a light read, but will help you tremendously in your dating adventures and most importantly, help you not get stuck in dead end attractions and wasting time on men who don't really want to date you.

  8. #7
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    Wow. If there is a book called "He Barely Realizes You Exist", I would recommend that read. Crushes at work are nice since they break up mundane days. And you've built up quite a world from nearly zero interaction. Enjoy it. Attraction is a nice high. But people (in this case - him) don't approach those they are not interested in, so you can keep waiting and sorting issues, nothing will happen from this.

  9. #8
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    well the quickest way to find out is always to find out yourself and go for it. So i can never argue with that.
    However, if you are wanting to know or best assess if he likes you first - then let me ask you this - what about your interactions makes you think he's interseted in you? Pleae give specifics.

    One of my rules or advice is: never date from the company pool (coworkers). Never date people int he service industry (aka people that their jobs include interacting with other people - such as security). these people's jobs INCLUDE being social and putting on a good face and being friendly. Lots of people mistake that for "interst" when it's just their jobs (I am in such a job industry myself.. i have to be conversational and know how to talk and be friendly...).

  10. #9
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    You have no idea if this guy has a GF or wife or if it was a fleeting crush. Attractions happen, and work crushes can be fun. They break up the mundane, daily grind. You have "caught the vibe" that's he's interested in you, but he really doesn't approach in any way. Perhaps he has a SO, or he doesn't want to get involved with a coworker, or maybe he's too worried about your intentions. I think the bottom line is he's not that interested in you, and I have read the book. It's a good, and I recommend it. Enjoy the fun little crush and let the rest go. If he was interested, he would be messaging you.

    You have stopped approaching him, and this may play a role, but the fact he had an "opener" to maintain communication, and he dropped the ball, makes me think that either he's not interested, or this is a potential relationship that you would have to carry, and that's exhausting and feels forced...major anxiety envelopes around that.

    Just enjoy your secret crush and set your sites on available men you may meet outside of work.


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