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Thread: Boyfriend doesn't believe me at a time like this. Is this emotional abuse?!!!

  1. #1
    Member Findingnemo94's Avatar
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    Boyfriend doesn't believe me at a time like this. Is this emotional abuse?!!!

    Ok so, I have posted a few times on here before about my partner of 1 year (M) whos in the army. He is 33, has a child with his ex partner and I am a 24 year old female. I am at medical school (first year) and I am really enjoying my course and we do not live together.
    A few weeks ago I have experienced pain in my shoulder, and have noticed a few little bony lumps. I went for a few scans and they have discovered numerous lesions and they don't know what they are. I've had to have a few sets of blood tests done to rule of secondary bone cancer, and I've had full body checks to rule out lumps in my breasts, cervix etc. Throughout NONE of this has my partner been here or even offered to come to any of my numerous appointments with the GP. I have been told the next step is probably a bone biopsy to see if these lesions are cancerous or not and from what I understand it is very painful but i've not been told when this is yet but it's all being rushed through so im sure it'll be soon. My case has now been transferred to a specialist orthopaedic team and I am waiting to hear more. On Monday I was rang by the hospital last minute and asked to come in for a CT scan the next day (yesterday).

    When I rang my partner and informed him of this on Tuesday morning, he was being very rude and claimed he was hungover and I had woken him up and he had a headache. I informed him I was going into hospital the night before (which he ignored because he was out drinking) so I rang him the next morning to let him know what was going on because I thought he'd be interested. He was being very cold and insensitive and rude on the phone and was burping down the phone, passive aggressive things like that. He then told me, when questioned why he's acting this way, that he wasn't sure whether I was telling the truth about the whole thing and that he has 'serious doubts' about my story. He told me I haven't kept my story straight through this whole thing and stuff doesn't add up. I have been in and out of hospital for numerous scans and he says that 'this doesn't happen, hospitals dont just ring you and ask you to come in the next day for a scan'. I said it does, they had a cancellation so they slotted me in last minute because it's such an urgent case.
    He then told me 'people make stuff up like this all the time, i've seen it happen to friends so wouldn't surprise me if you made this up tbh'
    He also said 'You havent shown me any proof of this so how do I even know it's true'
    I even said what do you want?? To speak to my doctor? I've asked you to come to numerous appointments and you've refused and said you've been busy. I dont understand what you want and that I even needed to give you proof I thought you'd believe me.
    I also asked him if he cares about me and if he wants me in his life because whats the point if he doesn't believe me. He responded to this with 'Well it would be easier if you just vanished' I said what? 'He said well obviously i dont WANT you to...but it would be easier if you did'.
    When I started to stand up for myself and say 'why are you being so horrible' he told me to 'behave myself' and to 'shut the up cause im giving him a headache' and 'im hungover so could you be quiet im not having this conversation now i'll speak to you on the weekend' and he also made several breathing noises that sounded like he was pissed off.
    I was disgusting and disturbed by the way he was behaving towards me. He has been quite caring up until now and this LITERALLY came out of no where.
    The only thing I Can think what triggered it is that the day before he said he had a dream about my cheating on him and I needed to feel the repercussions of that because it upset him and made him insecure.
    Would someone REALLY go to that extent because they felt insecure about a DREAM they had? Or has he never believed me all along and thinks I have genuinely made the whole thing up? He said i've probably made it up for attention. I genuinely haven't. I am scared and I am now alone because I blocked him immediately after this phone call and haven't spoken to him since!!! I am focusing on my health and I am still shocked at what he said. I feel alone and abandoned that the one person who's meant to be there for me at the moment isnt there and he doesn't even believe me. Im not even sure whether I could put it down to a lack of intelligence, or he just was set out to hurt me from the get go.
    Will he feel guilty for this at all?!!! Will he be sorry?! There is no way of him contacting me because I blocked him on everything but I really would like to know if he'd even feel the slightest bit of remorse of upset when he's sat all alone.
    I really don't understand and can't get my had around this one. Can anyone shed some light on the situation and what would maybe cause someone to behave like this? I have never EVER made up anything like this before so there's no reason for him to not believe me.
    Thank you so much. I am so hurt and just want support at this time but I feel betrayed. I dont understand :(

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    None of us a psychics nor do we know the true dynamics of your relationship.

    No matter the reasons why heís done this now is not the time for him to be the focus, he simply isnít worth it.

    Your health is the most important thing right now.

    Good for you for blocking him. He proved himself not to be a good support system and right now the reason doesnít matter.

    Surround yourself with your loved ones and focus on getting healthy, again, he isnít worth it, not right now.

    I wish you luck on your journey.

    ETA: is this the same guy from September? If so this most certainly is not a new issue and the worst thing you can do to yourself is stay in a dead end relationship with this guy ( if itís the same one) while fighting for your life. Girl choose you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    What the hell is this? Please keep this assh*le blocked and stand up to yourself. Not only he seems to have a problem with drinking but he's rude, borderline abusive, non supportive and he doesn't trust you. What's the point of having a relationship with a jerk like this? Was he always this awful?

    I'm just speculating here, but I wouldn't be surprised if his distrust and thoughts of you cheating weren't a projection of himself. But this is just speculation. His behaviour is simply not acceptable and you can have much better. Please focus on your friends and family if you can for support in this extremely difficult stage of your life. Good luck and lots of strength!

  4. #4
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    First thing's first, I'm glad you blocked him, findingnemo94.

    Not sure what would cause him to act this way, but clearly he has some very serious issues he needs to work on. I hope you don't go back to this guy.

    Not only did he accuse you of being dishonest (and of all things, about YOUR health), but he told you he wanted you to vanish and to shut-up? No, just no. This is inexcusable. Drop him and don't look back.

    Regardless of what his reasons are, there's no excuse for this type of behavior.

    I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this, but I hope you get to the bottom of what's causing these lesions and that everything's okay!

    Just focus on yourself. Forget this guy.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I am so sorry to hear this. I really hope you get better and that the docs figure out what is going wrong. Your bf (ex now) sounds like a horrible person. Why is he accusing you of making this up when he could have easily gone to the appointments and verified it?! Sounds like a jerk, I am glad you blocked him.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    He sounds like an ahole. And most of the time those that are accusing people of cheating or actually cheating themselves. Tell him good riddance .

  8. #7
    Uh what? Trash. Time to leave him lol. Sorry but he clearly doesn't care about YOU, maybe the idea of you. He's stringing and keeping you along for his own reasons (which have nothing to do with you). That is very toxic. He doesn't care about you so stop caring about him :)

  9. #8
    Member Findingnemo94's Avatar
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    thank you

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    None of us a psychics nor do we know the true dynamics of your relationship.

    No matter the reasons why heís done this now is not the time for him to be the focus, he simply isnít worth it.

    Your health is the most important thing right now.

    Good for you for blocking him. He proved himself not to be a good support system and right now the reason doesnít matter.

    Surround yourself with your loved ones and focus on getting healthy, again, he isnít worth it, not right now.

    I wish you luck on your journey.

    ETA: is this the same guy from September? If so this most certainly is not a new issue and the worst thing you can do to yourself is stay in a dead end relationship with this guy ( if itís the same one) while fighting for your life. Girl choose you.
    thank you so much. i appreciate your response a lot, and yeah its the same one but he seems to have made it a LOT easier to walk away this time because nothing he says or does can ever excuse what he has said to me. Before, he somehow managed to manipulate that his ex wife had done all of this and twisted everything (I know this still isnt a valid excuse). I Really appreciate your response.
    The only thing I am worried about is that he goes around and tells everyone that I have made this up and that I'm a complete psychopath because people like this do try to convince other people that their ex is crazy. Thats literally all Im worried about.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good luck on your medical tests hope they turn out ok. You need to finally end it with this idiot. It'a unclear why you keep sending this jerk money for booze and would even consider this creep "your partner". Once you end it, you could start dating local decent guys who aren't parasitic alcoholics.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Findingnemo94
    thank you so much. i appreciate your response a lot, and yeah its the same one but he seems to have made it a LOT easier to walk away this time because nothing he says or does can ever excuse what he has said to me. Before, he somehow managed to manipulate that his ex wife had done all of this and twisted everything (I know this still isnt a valid excuse). I Really appreciate your response.
    The only thing I am worried about is that he goes around and tells everyone that I have made this up and that I'm a complete psychopath because people like this do try to convince other people that their ex is crazy. Thats literally all Im worried about.
    You ever hear the saying ďyour opinion of me is none of my businessĒ? Maybe remind yourself of that plus, and I know I keep repeating this, but right now, him saying you were a bad girlfriend is the least of your worries. Your friends and family and the people who matter know who you are. If some random who barely knows you believes you weee a bad girlfriend. Theyíre probably A) blind to not see your ex is an alcoholic or loyal to him so you never mattered to them in the grand scheme of things.So good riddance Itís rare to not lose people after a break up, people choose sides, itís just how things work unfortunately. Donít focus on that, focus on losing the dead weight and getting healthy.

    Good luck!

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