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Thread: What should I do? Will I hear from him again?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
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    What should I do? Will I hear from him again?

    This is a difficult situation so Iím sorry for the long message in advance. I was with this person almost 2 years we hadnít or ups and down but he was always willing to fix things no matter what happened up until recently. Hereís where things started going down hill... he has a 4 year old child that I have been struggling but always trying to connect with. He has some serious behavioral issues that can make that difficult. Some of the child things got messed up and he pinned all the blame on me even though I had proof that it was not my fault. We decided to leave this in the past and move on. Things weíre fine for a few more months, then we got into an argument about our future but we talked through it again and things were fine. Fast forward a few weeks and things with his job started getting shaky. (Heís a truck driver). He started getting into some dept thatís heís still trying to work through. He started slowly distancing himself from me, would call and text way less to a point where I had to initiate all contact. One day I asked him what was wrong, he said he was extremely depressed because of everything and we kept talking. Eventually he broke up with me, but refused to eliminate all contact. He said he needed time to get back on his feet and didnít want a relationship when I asked what was going on with us. He said he needed time and maybe in the future we could work things out. I eventually tried no contact, but have to admit I failed after 3 days which was a mistake. He never seems more annoyed by my presence even though he wouldnít admit that to me. He said he didnít want anything to do with me eventually including friendship because I was pushy mind you I never asked to get back together with him, only what was going on with us, and also brought up some of the past things that we said we were over as an excuse for why his heart wasnt into me anywhere and why he didnít care, but that he has love for me. We eventually met so I could get something that belonged to my mother and spent a couple hours together which was unexpected but nothing physical happened. During that time we kind of had a talk and he said he needed time, that time heals. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead and said we would talk, when I later asked if he was ready he basically said no and never replied to my message after that. He has told me through everything that he is extremely depressed and stressed. I havenít heard from him since that last message and it has now been almost a week and I have also not contacted him. Iím just wonder what I should do? Do you think will will ever have that talk about us? Do we have a chance?

  2. #2
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    You do nothing. Do not give him the benefits of a gf, when you aren't one.

    I would move on from this. I do not think it is only the job situation. He has moved on. The kid is also a huge problem, and will continue to be.

    I suggest NC and be done with this man. Do not allow him to string you along until he finds someone else. He will.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's not in a good place to have a relationship at this time. Give him some space.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by llana14
    Some of the child things got messed up and he pinned all the blame on me even though I had proof that it was not my fault. We decided to leave this in the past and move on. Things weíre fine for a few more months, then we got into an argument about our future but we talked through it again and things were fine.
    Can you explain these points in more detail?

    What happened with his child that he blamed you for? It sounds serious if you had to show him proof of some type that you didn't do anything. What did this argument about the future involve?

    It's hard to guess what his current frame of mind might be towards you now, without really knowing the context of your relationship and its issues.

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  6. #5
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    These are all the typical things that are said when breaking up with someone. Nobody likes to say, "it's over." Instead a lot of people try to soften the blow, saying things like, "It's me and not you." "I need time to think." "Maybe we can work things out in the future." "We can still be friends." "We'll talk about it later."

    I think you have to face the fact that he's broken up with you and you should go No Contact and begin to move on. Don't keep having a bunch of heartbreaking reunions every few weeks or months. They only keep the both of you from healing. Just accept the fact things are over and don't wait for a reconciliation.

  7. #6

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    I know it hurts BELIEVE me I have been in your circumstance all too many times. It literally feels like someone sucked all the air out of your body. My best advice to you is to GIVE HIM SPACE. Cut off all contact. He needs to feel you withdraw your energy. He needs to feel like he lost you, he needs to miss you . You reaching out is only pushing him further away from you. Its going to feel HORRIBLE but this is a great opportunity for you to get to know yourself, to take up new hobbies, go to the gym, take that art class, make new friends, flirt with that guy at the coffee shop. Do the things that make YOU happy. When your energy is low...you attract that type of energy and situations back to you. Take this time to love yourself and stand in your own power...you will be AMAZED at the positive changes that flood into your life!
    In love and light
    The Nocturnal Mystic

  8. #7
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    I know how much youíre hurting. Iím 5 months post break up and it still hurts albeit so much less than the first couple of months.

    Like others have said you need to refocus onto yourself, do things to improve your state of mind and be kind to yourself.

    There is nothing you can do in this situation apart from go no contact and give this guy the space he is asking for. IF he rethinks his decision in the future then he will contact you and let you know. Iím sorry youíre going through this.


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