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Thread: divorce?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    of course she has cos these are all the same ... I am surprised the medical proffession ever manage to spot these conditions ...thanks for straightening that one out ...we can just say they are all one now ...yay
    Not meant to rip into anyone, but I'm imagining Captain Planet except instead of combining elements they combine mental health conditions... but the result would still be Captain Planet.

    I dare anyone to tell me this looks like a dude who has his **** together:


  2. #12
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    Your wife's behaviour is really off. Normal people don't have these lapses in memory. I am wondering if there are some mental or medical issues going on, or if she is just a control freak and it's "her way, or the highway" and she know it all. I can definitely understand your frustration, OP. But, if you want to continue your life this way, that's your prerogative. Personally, I feel you'd be better off divorcing, just like your counselor suggested before you lose your mind. He/she knows more details than we do and, since he/she is a professional, his/her decision must be seriously considered. It also sounds like she's not really listening to what you say to her, or care, for that matter. She is emotionally abusive towards you and very disrespectful.

    I understand that you love her but there's no reason to put up with the toxic environment she is creating. Have you ever suggested that she go to counselling with you? Oh wait, she's going to criticise you and say she doesn't need it, right? I don't mean to be disrespectful but there is something seriously unbalanced about her, particularly if she goes into a "i want to commit suicide" mode. Again, not a healthy person's attitude.

    Lastly, IMHO, she is unsuitable for motherhood if she cannot even handle normal, every day life. Will she forget to feed her child, or worse? Think about it. She should see a doctor and/or a counselor.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Definitely schizotypal personality disorder 😜
    Originally Posted by j.man
    Not meant to rip into anyone, but I'm imagining Captain Planet except instead of combining elements they combine mental health conditions... but the result would still be Captain Planet.

    I dare anyone to tell me this looks like a dude who has his **** together

  4. #14
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    i have been going for marriage counselling for almost 1 year.
    Where is the WE? Is your wife going with you, or are you going yourself?
    Honestly if someone is broken record and says they are so unhappy at some point someone is going to say 'well get a divorce then if you are going to keep complaining and not be productive'

    Originally Posted by DanZee
    Well, I think your counselor brings up divorce because there is something seriously wrong with your wife. This is not the way normal people act.

    She is certainly emotionally abusive from what you describe. But forgetting what she was doing, being transported to another dimension. It sounds like she's having breaks with reality. You're talking about trying to fix your relationship, trying to communicate with her, but if she is suffering from a mental illness, this is not something that you can fix.

    And wanting to have kids with someone who can't even do the dishes is cruel and abusive. I think you're in denial about the situation at home. You need to get her evaluated by a doctor. She may have ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder ... something! Either that or you're making all of this up. It's all in your head.

    As for the other things you talked about, you've got to step up. If you don't want the dishes left in the strainer, then put them away yourself. If you want your shirt tailored, bring it to the tailor yourself. Why are you asking someone who can't function well to do these tasks that you yourself are capable of doing? You need to be a man and step up. And you need to get help for your wife. Something has obviously happened to her, and you've got to realize it.

    I hope you get either her or yourself help.
    The question is - why are the dishes drying on the counter for 2 months. If she washes dishes and puts them on the rack to dry - are your arms broken where you can't walk by and put a couple of dishes away?
    Your wife works full time. You work full time. So why if she does half of something can you not pick up the other half?? Stop keeping score. What's the big deal?

    My ex talked to me as you talk to her -- keeping score, telling her to "do things". If he asked me to take out the trash and i got home very late so didn't do it yet, he would talk to me about "broken promises" and maybe i was mentally ill because i couldn't learn. His arms were not broken and trash didn't even come til the next day, but yet i am the mental non carer. Don't give her a laundry list of tasks and treat her like an employee.

    Danzee, i beg your pardon.....

    I have ADD and Aspergers and this is exactly what i do --
    sometimes i get very distracted and don't finish something.
    I am not "mentally ill". If i have a structured day or deadlines, i can get 1,000 things done.
    If i have no deadlines, i sometimes my brain meanders.
    When i had pets, it was much better because i needed to take care of them and had purpose

    So ---- if you love this woman eXCEPT the fact that she is not a great housekeeper,
    hire someone to come in twice a month to do the heavy detailed cleaning - floors, bathrooms, kitchen, etc,
    make a date of picking up together and then go on dates with your wife to reconnect.

    Its not like your wife is just spending her days sitting around the house - she is off working.

    If you don't want to stay married - fine, but when she married you, she didn't vow to be your housekeeper.
    And if you are concerned for your wife -- be concerned about her well being, not what she is not doing for you.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Your wife's behaviour is really off. Normal people don't have these lapses in memory. I am wondering if there are some mental or medical issues going on, or if she is just a control freak and it's "her way, or the highway" and she know it all. I can definitely understand your frustration, OP. But, if you want to continue your life this way, that's your prerogative. Personally, I feel you'd be better off divorcing, just like your counselor suggested before you lose your mind. He/she knows more details than we do and, since he/she is a professional, his/her decision must be seriously considered. It also sounds like she's not really listening to what you say to her, or care, for that matter. She is emotionally abusive towards you and very disrespectful.

    I understand that you love her but there's no reason to put up with the toxic environment she is creating. Have you ever suggested that she go to counselling with you? Oh wait, she's going to criticise you and say she doesn't need it, right? I don't mean to be disrespectful but there is something seriously unbalanced about her, particularly if she goes into a "i want to commit suicide" mode. Again, not a healthy person's attitude.

    Lastly, IMHO, she is unsuitable for motherhood if she cannot even handle normal, every day life. Will she forget to feed her child, or worse? Think about it. She should see a doctor and/or a counselor.

    When my ex used to yell at me, it was hard to keep everything straight because i was always so mentally exhausted.

    Men get a pass for not remembering what their wife asked them to pick up at the store -- they get the bread but forget all the other stuff she asked for- but she is mentally ill and they are not?

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    When my ex used to yell at me, it was hard to keep everything straight because i was always so mentally exhausted.

    Men get a pass for not remembering what their wife asked them to pick up at the store -- they get the bread but forget all the other stuff she asked for- but she is mentally ill and they are not?
    I mean no disrespect towards you, abitbroken, but my idiot STBX took every opportunity to yell/belittle/reprimand, etc and I was able to function and remember things just fine. Perhaps I have a good memory? Everyone is prone to forget things at times but his wife has a number of other impairment issues. Her bizarre behaviour does suggest some form of mental instability (remember the suicide threat?. But this is simply my opinion.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Of course we are only hearing one side of the story here but what you describe is not good.

    It sounds like you are doing marriage counseling but she isn't there? Is that correct?

    Anyways what you both need is individual therapy and when you have figured yourselves out then you can start couples counseling. This doesn't sound like conflict resolution, money issues, disrespect, cheating, momma's boy, different social lifestyles or different goals and dreams problems a marriage counselor could help with. This sounds like basic compatibility problems that need to brought out into the light with some honest discussions between you two and then talk them over with your own therapist.

    Many times we make things a bigger problem than they really are or don't have enough empathy to see how our actions or in actions are hurting the one we love. A therapist can help with this.

    You are frustrated and do not see a solution which I think we all can understand regardless of why. Before you decided to end things why not seek out individual therapy for both of you (different therapists) and see what you learn. If she refuses to see someone then you just lost one more option and are down to just a few.

    DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN with this woman until there is a lengthy amount of time where your relationship is solid.

    Many times taking on a huge problem seems impossible until you break it down into little problems and work on them one by one. Go after the low hanging fruit first, get some success and then tackle the next easiest one.

    Lost

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I mean no disrespect towards you, abitbroken, but my idiot STBX took every opportunity to yell/belittle/reprimand, etc and I was able to function and remember things just fine. Perhaps I have a good memory? Everyone is prone to forget things at times but his wife has a number of other impairment issues. Her bizarre behaviour does suggest some form of mental instability (remember the suicide threat?. But this is simply my opinion.
    My son has Autistic as well and needs a break down of instruction. My husband is severely ADHD and has a very technical and busy career. When at home he would forget his azz if it wasn’t glue on. Doesn’t mean they are “ mental” . It means they need accommodations and understanding.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    I mean no disrespect towards you, abitbroken, but my idiot STBX took every opportunity to yell/belittle/reprimand, etc and I was able to function and remember things just fine. Perhaps I have a good memory? Everyone is prone to forget things at times but his wife has a number of other impairment issues. Her bizarre behaviour does suggest some form of mental instability (remember the suicide threat?. But this is simply my opinion.
    Having read his other threads I get more of a sense that the OP is critical, controlling and negative and picks away at her, while his wife is completely defiant, rebellious, and childish. At the end of the day it sounds more like a father - teenage daughter relationship then it does a marriage!

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree. Because you love each other doesn’t mean you belong together.

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