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Thread: Trusting issues

  1. #1

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    Trusting issues

    So my fiance has trusting issues. I can't seem to understand her side and she doesn't see my point so I'm taking it here. She's tells me she 100% trusts me but doesn't trust other girls. But my argument is if she trusts me it shouldn't matter what other people do. For example if a girl makes a move on me it'll be my decision to make the right choice. Which comes down to her trusting me.
    Because of this her guard is always up, not fully opening up to me. I know there is a past situation with her ex that resulted in trust issues. There lies even a larger trust issue with her father which she suspect to have cheated at one point in his life.
    Am I wrong to say that somehow deep down she can't fully trust me because of the past? Otherwise I can't see how her point makes sense.

  2. #2
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    I completely understand your point and you are correct in that she should trust you and not worry about anyone else. Is there a reason that she doesn’t trust you, did something happen with the two of you in the past? And are you putting yourself in a position that other girls are making a move on you? How did you get this far-meaning how did you get to be engaged-if the two of you have trust issues?

  3. #3
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    More information is needed. I can give you the PR version and say of course she should trust you in the context of a relationship to make the right choice, but perhaps you have shady behavior...or not. No one here can respond appropriately to a vague question. I would answer the questions above, as well as explaining what specific senarios your girlfriend is having a issue with.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. She doesn't trust You. or perhaps anyone, especially other women. She's just spinning it. How long have you been dating? Think twice about the tsunami of her not-dealt-with generalized trust issues with her past hitting you in the face.

    Basically she sounds insecure and jealous and no amount of reassurance will fix that. It could be hell having to let her scroll through your phone, give her all your passwords, etc to "prove" you can be trusted.

    This is her problem but staying with her will make it your problem. Think long and hard if you want to be "guilty" for everyone else's sins and therefore have to be policed, interrogated, reassuring etc. Frankly she needs a therapist more than a wedding.
    Originally Posted by JFro
    Because of this her guard is always up, not fully opening up to me. I know there is a past situation with her ex that resulted in trust issues. There lies even a larger trust issue with her father which she suspect to have cheated at one point in his life. Am I wrong to say that somehow deep down she can't fully trust me because of the past?

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  6. #5

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    As this is my first post I hope that I'm doing this right and replying.

    Alright let's take this back a bit. We went to high school together. She dated my best friend for 5 years. The relationship started going south because his focus was more on video games (90%) and he was some what antisocial. Doesn't help that he lived a good 40 min drive away. Me being 5 mins down the road we hung out a lot. Long story short he was out of the picture (permanently). Fast track 6 years later, we have been living together for 5 years and just recently got engaged. It was much work at the beginning for both of us, as it is for anyone moving in together. There are 2 instances I can recall that would make her assumption justifiable, first with her ex and second with me. She had found pictures from a webcam that her ex had with another girl. Story goes the girl revealed over the cam, he didn't do anything but kept the pictures years later and she found them. Could mean nothing as he could've forgot, or could've meant something. Second time with me is during the transition phase from him to me I slept with another girl, however nothing was official between us. And by slept I mean I invited her over and we both passed out. When I realized the relationship between mean and her were getting serious I told her I slept with the other girl. Again just sleeping, and tried to reassure her that it was only sleeping, otherwise why would I tell her the partial truth and lie knowing she would never know.

    To answer your other questions, I don't put myself out there, however I'm told I am quite social. Not just with girls but everyone.

    She has admitted to checking my phone for an entire week when I wasn't looking. Nothing was found, however we both been together long enough to know all each other passwords and devices generally unlocked as there's nothing to hide. I'm the type of guy that will get mad in the moment but forgive all in the end, because life is short and why waste time being mad.

    Because I saw progress in the relationship which I can go forever on about - from both sides, I knew I wanted to take it further by proposing. To me no relationship ship is given, both parties have to work on it equally in order to achieve, which is why I simply don't give up.

    My end goal is not to point fingers but to solve our issues together and build on that. Sometimes by default she rebutles anything coming from me (we are both extremely stubborn) just because. Just like a kid fighting back against their parents. Perhaps from a 3rd party it will mean more and can get across to her or even myself.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well....so the reality is that she really doesn't have much relationship experience and nothing has happened that's so horrendous and traumatizing that she now has life long trust issues. What this means to you is that this insecure person is who she actually is at her core. This is just her. It's not going to change or get better, but it can get worse, because this is her fundamental personality. So, think long and hard if this is the kind of a person you really want to live with for life, because these trust issues will never ever go away, along with the conflicts, tensions, arguments and so on that an insecure person inflicts on their relationship.

    As a very good friend of mine would say, "take a very good look at this person and everything about them that you don't like or isn't working right now, multiply all that by a 1000 and then ask yourself if you can actually live with those issues magnified by a thousand for life because once you get married, those issues will get that much worse, never better."

  8. #7

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    Thank you everyone for your comments. I will take them all into consideration. Much appreciated.

  9. #8
    Member anngrant's Avatar
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    I have trusting issues too

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Wounded souls from past betrayals and abuse have difficulty trusting again which is human nature. Once bitten twice shy as they say.

    If she has major trust issues, it will only grow worse after marriage so beware.

    All you can do is be on your best behavior for life and hopefully she'll feel comfortable enough to trust you always.

    Trust doesn't happen from talking. It comes from months and years of honorable behavior even when no one is looking over your shoulder.


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