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Thread: Not a clue of what to do? Get my wife/soulmate back

  1. #1

    Not a clue of what to do? Get my wife/soulmate back

    Alright, there is a woman named Stacy. I met her in 2010. I realized I was in love with her 2011. Back then you could assume that it's infatuation or something fresh. Now it's where it's undeniable that I'm in love and not just caught in a moment or on the mend and just fell to the nearest woman. We're in a relationship. She's the only woman I'd marry or have a child with. So my past wasn't great. I would say I had terrible dating luck. Either rejection in front of a lot of people, unnoticed romantically by other women, them knowing I'm into them but always choosing someone else, me have feelings for them just to watch them love someone else, you name it. Leading me on then running off with someone else, then returning and just when I thought It would be our moment they'd pop up with a new guy. So it was just completely terrible. Then Stacy came along, I fell for her. After all I'd been through, I was scared to death that she'd reject me and I didn't want that. So I couldn't talk to her when I stepped in a room. Anyway we had a situation where I as I said was very insecure because of my past. She mentioned someone, it's also someone a girl I liked before used against me. So it triggered me. Stacy may have mentioned him because we possibly were supposed to go his place for a party idk. But it stuck in my head and I was panicking thinking wherever we're going she's just going to leave me behind for this guy or some guy there. Because it's something I had recently been through. It's compounded on other stuff. So I walked off before I could live that assumed nightmare, which is watching her love someone else and getting my heart crushed by Stacy. I'm using her name a lot because I don't want confuse who I'm saying I love.
    Anyway, she never seemed to forgive me and she hasn't been the same her towards me since then. I truly miss that version of her. How she was with me.
    Now I feel like I'm slowly fading out of her life. I promised her that I wouldn't forget her and I asked the same of her to not forget me. What I was saying is basically, I want us to be couple and we not ever let each other go. That wasn't said for convenience, it still applies in 2018 and onward. I just want to find a way to bring the spark back between her and I. I'm still in love with her, I want to bring back the smile on her face that she'd have when she sees me.
    I want to be able to lift her up by her legs and having holding on me and kissing her lips.
    What I want to do is take her on a nice date, nothing too over the top. To make up for hurting her back in the beginning and to let her know I truly am sorry.

    Now in the midst of that, there is another issue. I have people that like to create gossip and drama around my life. Nonstop. So they seem to be trying everything in the book to make this woman feel like being with me is terrible choice and I'm toxic for her. I'm not, I'm a good-hearted man. They want to skew things to get Stacy to feel I'm no good and being with me is a shameful thing or a dishonor, It's certainly not. A woman having feelings for me is nothing to be ashamed about. Even at 20-25 years older than me.That sounds maybe a little off but I have come across older woman that seem to be into me. Not being full of myself. But I'll say this, I've not ever been on a date with any woman that isn't Stacy since I met her. I'm not ignorant, racist, a pig, out to ruin people's lives, I'm intelligent, not bad-charactered, I'm not a model but I'm hard on the eyes either. Lastly, I have quite the bright future and goals for my life ahead of me.

    So now here's another problem, in the midst of all of this, a female was moved into my house because I don't have my own place yet unfortunately. I've battled being depressed so it's been rough for me. Anyway, I was led to believe she was my cousin. That's why I felt indifferent about her presence around me. You see had it been someone who from the start or early on gave me the impression that she was trying to date me, I wouldn't been against her being in the home instead of indifferent. Because the only woman I'd let live at my mom's house for me is Stacy. I didn't sense this woman was up to anything because she led to believe she was a cousin who came up from a different country. It took months for me to even get a hint she was up to something. By that time she had probably already worked on generating the perception that her and I were dating as well as that lie that I moved on from Stacy, behind my back. I originally told Stacy this was my cousin, but she probably got a hold of Stacy and was telling a whole different story. Including lies of her and I having intercourse or anything related to those acts, her and I having a child which as I said we didn't ever have intercourse. I didn't ever flirt with the woman or give any indication of being into her.
    She probably took me being indifferent to her being in my home as my accepting a relationship. I didn't. I believe the story of her being my cousin was the ploy to get me to let my guard down, so she could get in my home and then portray a relationship that was untrue. Which made me look like a liar. Because that's usually a cheating cover-up, s/he said they were cousins and I found out they had intercourse. I'm in a complete mess that's just someone framing me.
    Stacy even came and secretly tried to interrogate me because she wanted to catch me in a lie. It's not her fault because I'd be suspicious in reverse. Given how things actually played out with the woman trying to hook up with me, when we were alone for the weekend (along with other subtle -red flag this can't be my cousin- behaviors that I picked up on) and me having to put her out the home in response. I know Stacy wouldn't have showed up to my house, if that woman was not trying to make it look like her and I were dating. The woman wasn't even my type of woman even if Stacy didn't exist.

    I don't really care about any of this nonsense above in the prior section, I didn't do that. Nor am I not trying to take responsibility for my actions, just innocent in that. I just want the love of my life back by my side. I just don't know how to get her back with me. I mean all I've wanted since i fell for Stacy is for Stacy and I to be together. That means Christmas and Eve together, Thanksgiving together, New Years & Eve Together, Our birthdays together, Valentines Day Together, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day and Halloween, parties together, eventually married officially. Just falling apart without her. She's basically, my wife, best friend and soulmate.
    People have told me I should forget about Stacy and she's gone. But they want me to make a 25+ year life altering decision. And I'm the only one that has to live with the consequences and lose her forever. I'm the one who won't get to see her smile because of me, hug her, kiss her, hold her, lay next to her, share a bed with her, sleep next to her and be cuddled with her, holding her hand and everything. I asked myself: The depressed feeling you've always felt when Stacy wasn't around, can you live with that every day for 25+ years? How do I feel when I'm around other women and not Stacy, could you feel that way for 25 years? Can you be with another woman and see Stacy while you to are together, feel happy and content with this other woman and won't feel anything for Stacy (whether we speak or not)? I say to myself all the time that No I can't do that for 25+ years. Around other women I can be temporarily distracted but my mind always goes back to Stacy. I'm aware that I can't be happy and content with another woman and I can't be with another woman and see Stacy and not fall in love with Stacy all over again. No one is Stacy and our bond is too special to throw away.

    What can I do? I want to sit down with her one on one, away from any interference and just work everything out. I'm still thinking, get her on a date, watch a movie and we just talk about these things and put them to rest to ease misunderstandings. I bought her a ring to give her and I'm still waiting for her to come along so I can do so. She's my everything.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you married to, divorced from, estranged from or just fantasizing about "stacy"? It's unclear if this crush/fantasy is real or just a 25 year phantom. What is your current situation? How old are you? Have you ever dated or had a relationship? Did you actually date this "cousin"? Who had intercourse? "Stacy" and this "cousin"? This "cousin" and you?
    Originally Posted by SBJF104122
    She's basically, my wife, best friend and soulmate. I asked myself: The depressed feeling you've always felt when Stacy wasn't around, can you live with that every day for 25+ years? Because that's usually a cheating cover-up, s/he said they were cousins and I found out they had intercourse

  3. #3
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    So, you've never actually dated Stacy, have you?

    I think you have a lot of issues that you need to address with a professional who can guide you through the problems you're having. You need to figure out what is real and what isn't. Talking to a counselor or a therapist might be a good place to start.

  4. #4
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    Too hard to understand.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree, not sure if this is a very strange google translation or just word salad.🥗
    Originally Posted by Lester
    Too hard to understand.

  7. #6
    Member frustrated1's Avatar
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    Agree. Very difficult to understand.

    Can you clarify if you dated at all? It doesnít seem like you were ever in a relationship, yet you are calling her your wife?

    Why are other people against you? And how did this ďcousinĒ come to be in the picture? How do you know she is not your cousin? A lot of this seems to be a bit delusional Iím sorry to say. But none of your post has actually indicated that Stacy wants to be with you.

  8. #7
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    OP to be extremely blunt... your post about this woman has a really creepy vibe to it... like stalker creepy. It's so bizarre I am not even sure it's real, so I will tackle the part I do see...

    You claim to be surrounded by people that are trying to create drama... that don't think you and "Stacy" should be together... there is a reason for this OP, and you need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about your behaviors. Everything you write about comes across as paranoid, codependent, blaming, fantasizing... you seem to lack resiliency and the ability to bounce back from things that go on. The rejection that happened to you is no different than what happens to everyone when they date, it's all about perception and having a healthy attitude towards life and confidence in yourself.

    Before you can even THINK about having a relationship with "Stacy" you need to fix your own issues... no woman wants a man that is codependent, weak and insecure to the point where they need another person in order to feel good about themselves.

  9. #8
    Ok. Iíll review this thread later to make sure Iím not writing something confusing.
    Next, I have a hunch that someone may be using their computer knowledge to track my Ip, manipulate the data Iím seeing to lead me to believe Iím talking to different random people. In reality itís the same group of people behind the computer posed under false account names. So are you all trolling and trying to be funny (not that youíd admit it)? I donít see the humor in it.
    Doxxing I believe itís called.
    Apparently I have a good amount of people telling lies on me and stalking my life for their entertainment screwing with my mind & messing up my mental health.

    Next.
    I did not say I have been in a 25 year relationship with Stacy.
    I said I canít see myself living life happily without Stacy. Itís not some unhealthy codependency. Why do people normally get married? Because they find someone they love so much they canít be without them. So when I say that it means, I canít do without her. Thatís not a psychological issue or anything.

    Next.
    I did not say I had intercourse with the second woman mentioned here. Nor involved in anything along the lines from flirting to marriage. That means flirting, courting, intercourse, etc. Nothing by my choice. I said, she had misled me about who she was then tried to portray things to Stacy and other people as if her and I had something going on. Thus her explanation for her presence around my life. I was unaware what was going on. Now there were certain incidents that took place, that allowed me to clue it together over time.
    I believe she got Stacyís number and tried to make Stacy believe that I moved on from Stacy. So there was one instance this female was on the phone saying something that would imply that I was getting touchy feely with her while she was on the phone. She was on the phone with Stacy trying to project the perception to Stacy that she took me from Stacy and now I canít get enough of her. I donít even know how they exchanged numbers. But in that moment I was literally walking from my room to the kitchen and back in a straight line not even looking at her or close enough to be in physical contact with her. So she was just flat out lying.

    This whole situation is just a mess. Because I even told her Iím not into her and love Stacy once her behavior became red flag like. She kept saying she wasnít doing anything. She was doing a whole lot of deception basically.

    Iím basically feeling my myself slowly drifting away from the woman in Stacy that I want to marry. Basically because someone is always trying to sabotage me or create a psychologically damaging situation between her and I. To the point it looks like Iím toxic.

    I probably am not explaining this situation clearly because itís a lot to go through. I guess overall people thought it would be funny and entertaining if they made me fall for Stacy then make her hate me so she could break my heart.
    And lead me to believe I have psychological and mental issues
    or mentally challenged. All of this seems like itís been a scam to psycholigically abuse and destroy me.

  10. #9
    Married to Stacy? Working on it. I mean I view her as basically my wife. I donít go on dates with other women. I donít have oneitis. I fight temptation a lot. Amongst PLENTY OF WOMEN.
    As I said. In the post preceding this reply to you it hasnít been a 25 year relationship. I met her 2010. Iím saying I know that me not being with Stacy would cause me deep misery.
    I donít want to live my life without her and I canít see myself living my life happily for the next 25 years. That doesnít mean I depend on her to be happy. It means that my happiness would take a deep dive without her. Nor do I have a psychologically unhealthy attachment to her.
    Iím 27. Lotís of life to live but old enough to know that some men suffer from oneitis, stuck on one female. They break out and go on to date other women. Old enough to know other women exist. Old enough to know that itís not hard for me to get another woman. Old enough to know people fall in and out of love and think theyíll never find another. But Iím also old enough to know that in spite of all this knowledge, that Stacy is the one woman whom Iím not supposed to let go. Old enough to know I donít want to watch Stacy fall in love with another man, or even have a meaningless one night stand with another man. Old enough to know that through all the crap that Iíve been through, multiple broken or crushed hearts people trying to tear me down and what not; Iíve stood strong, have not broken and the one thing that would break me is her gone from my life or with another man.


    I donít suffer from psychological issues like delusions from reality. I may not always be aware of everything but I donít suffer from delusion or believing in alternate realities.

    I did not have any intercouse or anything of sexual ir flirtatious nature going on with the female that l was led to believe is my cousin.
    I donít mean that in the Bill Clinton in reference to Monica Lewinsky way. I mean that as: if God stood before me and said Iíll be in heaven if I did not partake in any sexual or romantic behavior with the woman that led me to believe she was my cousin but also tried to portray to Stacy otherwise, Iíd be in heaven with no hesitation. I was not in any kind of relationship with her, only with Stacy.

    I am in a situation where I just donít know what to believe anymore. I donít want closure from Stacy or anything. What I want is to feel secure and for both of us to be happy together and on the same page.
    Stacy is still my Queen. Stacy is not a crush or a fantasy and Iím not posting imaginary stuff. Stacy and I are basically married minus the whole textbook sermon and alter stuff, weíre not broken up. I mean that in real life. We may be a little distant but I didnít dump her. I still love her with all my heart.
    I bought Stacy a ring and everything that Iím getting ready to give her.
    Basically when it comes to Stacy I, donít call the coroner.. Call the preacher or whomever the man is that says you may now kiss the bride.

  11. #10
    You read a post and think I have psychological issues?
    You also think I have psychological issues because I said a female I had been introduced to led me to believe she was related to me, then tried to make it look like the two of us were dating?
    Because I went someoneís home and did that and not the other way around?

    Iím sure you came with intention to belittle regardless of what I said. Because thereís nothing here tha would say that I have psychological issues.
    I AM TALKING ABOUT MY REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES.
    NOT ANYTHING DREAMED ABOUT OR IMAGINED OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.
    THIS ABOUT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME, MANIPULATING PEOPLEíS PERCEPTIONS.

    BECAUSE IF YOU READ CORRECTLY. I SAID MY WIFE STACY. INDICATING STACY AND I BEING A COUPLE.
    THE PERSON I DID NOT DATE IS A WOMAN TRYING TO MAKE STACY BELIEVE I WAS DATING BOTH HER AND NOT JSTACY. SIMPLE.

    LISTEN THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER. SO IF YOUíRE GOING TO PLAY GAMES TO PATHOLOGIZE ME, DONíT REPLY. DO SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOUR TIME.

    NOTHING IN HERE IS ME DENOUNCING OR RENOUNCING STACY. IF ANYTHING ITíS ME ANNOUNCING THAT STACY IS MY 1 AND ONLY.

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