Not a clue of what to do? Get my wife/soulmate back

Alright, there is a woman named Stacy. I met her in 2010. I realized I was in love with her 2011. Back then you could assume that it's infatuation or something fresh. Now it's where it's undeniable that I'm in love and not just caught in a moment or on the mend and just fell to the nearest woman. We're in a relationship. She's the only woman I'd marry or have a child with. So my past wasn't great. I would say I had terrible dating luck. Either rejection in front of a lot of people, unnoticed romantically by other women, them knowing I'm into them but always choosing someone else, me have feelings for them just to watch them love someone else, you name it. Leading me on then running off with someone else, then returning and just when I thought It would be our moment they'd pop up with a new guy. So it was just completely terrible. Then Stacy came along, I fell for her. After all I'd been through, I was scared to death that she'd reject me and I didn't want that. So I couldn't talk to her when I stepped in a room. Anyway we had a situation where I as I said was very insecure because of my past. She mentioned someone, it's also someone a girl I liked before used against me. So it triggered me. Stacy may have mentioned him because we possibly were supposed to go his place for a party idk. But it stuck in my head and I was panicking thinking wherever we're going she's just going to leave me behind for this guy or some guy there. Because it's something I had recently been through. It's compounded on other stuff. So I walked off before I could live that assumed nightmare, which is watching her love someone else and getting my heart crushed by Stacy. I'm using her name a lot because I don't want confuse who I'm saying I love.

Anyway, she never seemed to forgive me and she hasn't been the same her towards me since then. I truly miss that version of her. How she was with me.

Now I feel like I'm slowly fading out of her life. I promised her that I wouldn't forget her and I asked the same of her to not forget me. What I was saying is basically, I want us to be couple and we not ever let each other go. That wasn't said for convenience, it still applies in 2018 and onward. I just want to find a way to bring the spark back between her and I. I'm still in love with her, I want to bring back the smile on her face that she'd have when she sees me.

I want to be able to lift her up by her legs and having holding on me and kissing her lips.

What I want to do is take her on a nice date, nothing too over the top. To make up for hurting her back in the beginning and to let her know I truly am sorry.

Now in the midst of that, there is another issue. I have people that like to create gossip and drama around my life. Nonstop. So they seem to be trying everything in the book to make this woman feel like being with me is terrible choice and I'm toxic for her. I'm not, I'm a good-hearted man. They want to skew things to get Stacy to feel I'm no good and being with me is a shameful thing or a dishonor, It's certainly not. A woman having feelings for me is nothing to be ashamed about. Even at 20-25 years older than me.That sounds maybe a little off but I have come across older woman that seem to be into me. Not being full of myself. But I'll say this, I've not ever been on a date with any woman that isn't Stacy since I met her. I'm not ignorant, racist, a pig, out to ruin people's lives, I'm intelligent, not bad-charactered, I'm not a model but I'm hard on the eyes either. Lastly, I have quite the bright future and goals for my life ahead of me.

So now here's another problem, in the midst of all of this, a female was moved into my house because I don't have my own place yet unfortunately. I've battled being depressed so it's been rough for me. Anyway, I was led to believe she was my cousin. That's why I felt indifferent about her presence around me. You see had it been someone who from the start or early on gave me the impression that she was trying to date me, I wouldn't been against her being in the home instead of indifferent. Because the only woman I'd let live at my mom's house for me is Stacy. I didn't sense this woman was up to anything because she led to believe she was a cousin who came up from a different country. It took months for me to even get a hint she was up to something. By that time she had probably already worked on generating the perception that her and I were dating as well as that lie that I moved on from Stacy, behind my back. I originally told Stacy this was my cousin, but she probably got a hold of Stacy and was telling a whole different story. Including lies of her and I having intercourse or anything related to those acts, her and I having a child which as I said we didn't ever have intercourse. I didn't ever flirt with the woman or give any indication of being into her.

She probably took me being indifferent to her being in my home as my accepting a relationship. I didn't. I believe the story of her being my cousin was the ploy to get me to let my guard down, so she could get in my home and then portray a relationship that was untrue. Which made me look like a liar. Because that's usually a cheating cover-up, s/he said they were cousins and I found out they had intercourse. I'm in a complete mess that's just someone framing me.

Stacy even came and secretly tried to interrogate me because she wanted to catch me in a lie. It's not her fault because I'd be suspicious in reverse. Given how things actually played out with the woman trying to hook up with me, when we were alone for the weekend (along with other subtle -red flag this can't be my cousin- behaviors that I picked up on) and me having to put her out the home in response. I know Stacy wouldn't have showed up to my house, if that woman was not trying to make it look like her and I were dating. The woman wasn't even my type of woman even if Stacy didn't exist.

I don't really care about any of this nonsense above in the prior section, I didn't do that. Nor am I not trying to take responsibility for my actions, just innocent in that. I just want the love of my life back by my side. I just don't know how to get her back with me. I mean all I've wanted since i fell for Stacy is for Stacy and I to be together. That means Christmas and Eve together, Thanksgiving together, New Years & Eve Together, Our birthdays together, Valentines Day Together, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day and Halloween, parties together, eventually married officially. Just falling apart without her. She's basically, my wife, best friend and soulmate.

People have told me I should forget about Stacy and she's gone. But they want me to make a 25+ year life altering decision. And I'm the only one that has to live with the consequences and lose her forever. I'm the one who won't get to see her smile because of me, hug her, kiss her, hold her, lay next to her, share a bed with her, sleep next to her and be cuddled with her, holding her hand and everything. I asked myself: The depressed feeling you've always felt when Stacy wasn't around, can you live with that every day for 25+ years? How do I feel when I'm around other women and not Stacy, could you feel that way for 25 years? Can you be with another woman and see Stacy while you to are together, feel happy and content with this other woman and won't feel anything for Stacy (whether we speak or not)? I say to myself all the time that No I can't do that for 25+ years. Around other women I can be temporarily distracted but my mind always goes back to Stacy. I'm aware that I can't be happy and content with another woman and I can't be with another woman and see Stacy and not fall in love with Stacy all over again. No one is Stacy and our bond is too special to throw away.

What can I do? I want to sit down with her one on one, away from any interference and just work everything out. I'm still thinking, get her on a date, watch a movie and we just talk about these things and put them to rest to ease misunderstandings. I bought her a ring to give her and I'm still waiting for her to come along so I can do so. She's my everything.

Are you married to, divorced from, estranged from or just fantasizing about "stacy"? It's unclear if this crush/fantasy is real or just a 25 year phantom. What is your current situation? How old are you? Have you ever dated or had a relationship? Did you actually date this "cousin"? Who had intercourse? "Stacy" and this "cousin"? This "cousin" and you?

She's basically, my wife, best friend and soulmate. I asked myself: The depressed feeling you've always felt when Stacy wasn't around, can you live with that every day for 25+ years? Because that's usually a cheating cover-up, s/he said they were cousins and I found out they had intercourse

So, you've never actually dated Stacy, have you?

I think you have a lot of issues that you need to address with a professional who can guide you through the problems you're having. You need to figure out what is real and what isn't. Talking to a counselor or a therapist might be a good place to start.

Too hard to understand.

Agree, not sure if this is a very strange google translation or just word salad.🥗

Too hard to understand.

Agree. Very difficult to understand.

Can you clarify if you dated at all? It doesn’t seem like you were ever in a relationship, yet you are calling her your wife?

Why are other people against you? And how did this “cousin” come to be in the picture? How do you know she is not your cousin? A lot of this seems to be a bit delusional I’m sorry to say. But none of your post has actually indicated that Stacy wants to be with you.

OP to be extremely blunt... your post about this woman has a really creepy vibe to it... like stalker creepy. It's so bizarre I am not even sure it's real, so I will tackle the part I do see...

You claim to be surrounded by people that are trying to create drama... that don't think you and "Stacy" should be together... there is a reason for this OP, and you need to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about your behaviors. Everything you write about comes across as paranoid, codependent, blaming, fantasizing... you seem to lack resiliency and the ability to bounce back from things that go on. The rejection that happened to you is no different than what happens to everyone when they date, it's all about perception and having a healthy attitude towards life and confidence in yourself.

Before you can even THINK about having a relationship with "Stacy" you need to fix your own issues... no woman wants a man that is codependent, weak and insecure to the point where they need another person in order to feel good about themselves.

Ok. I’ll review this thread later to make sure I’m not writing something confusing.

Next, I have a hunch that someone may be using their computer knowledge to track my Ip, manipulate the data I’m seeing to lead me to believe I’m talking to different random people. In reality it’s the same group of people behind the computer posed under false account names. So are you all trolling and trying to be funny (not that you’d admit it)? I don’t see the humor in it.

Doxxing I believe it’s called.

Apparently I have a good amount of people telling lies on me and stalking my life for their entertainment screwing with my mind & messing up my mental health.

Next.

I did not say I have been in a 25 year relationship with Stacy.

I said I can’t see myself living life happily without Stacy. It’s not some unhealthy codependency. Why do people normally get married? Because they find someone they love so much they can’t be without them. So when I say that it means, I can’t do without her. That’s not a psychological issue or anything.

Next.

I did not say I had intercourse with the second woman mentioned here. Nor involved in anything along the lines from flirting to marriage. That means flirting, courting, intercourse, etc. Nothing by my choice. I said, she had misled me about who she was then tried to portray things to Stacy and other people as if her and I had something going on. Thus her explanation for her presence around my life. I was unaware what was going on. Now there were certain incidents that took place, that allowed me to clue it together over time.

I believe she got Stacy’s number and tried to make Stacy believe that I moved on from Stacy. So there was one instance this female was on the phone saying something that would imply that I was getting touchy feely with her while she was on the phone. She was on the phone with Stacy trying to project the perception to Stacy that she took me from Stacy and now I can’t get enough of her. I don’t even know how they exchanged numbers. But in that moment I was literally walking from my room to the kitchen and back in a straight line not even looking at her or close enough to be in physical contact with her. So she was just flat out lying.

This whole situation is just a mess. Because I even told her I’m not into her and love Stacy once her behavior became red flag like. She kept saying she wasn’t doing anything. She was doing a whole lot of deception basically.

I’m basically feeling my myself slowly drifting away from the woman in Stacy that I want to marry. Basically because someone is always trying to sabotage me or create a psychologically damaging situation between her and I. To the point it looks like I’m toxic.

I probably am not explaining this situation clearly because it’s a lot to go through. I guess overall people thought it would be funny and entertaining if they made me fall for Stacy then make her hate me so she could break my heart.

And lead me to believe I have psychological and mental issues

or mentally challenged. All of this seems like it’s been a scam to psycholigically abuse and destroy me.

Married to Stacy? Working on it. I mean I view her as basically my wife. I don’t go on dates with other women. I don’t have oneitis. I fight temptation a lot. Amongst PLENTY OF WOMEN.

As I said. In the post preceding this reply to you it hasn’t been a 25 year relationship. I met her 2010. I’m saying I know that me not being with Stacy would cause me deep misery.

I don’t want to live my life without her and I can’t see myself living my life happily for the next 25 years. That doesn’t mean I depend on her to be happy. It means that my happiness would take a deep dive without her. Nor do I have a psychologically unhealthy attachment to her.

I’m 27. Lot’s of life to live but old enough to know that some men suffer from oneitis, stuck on one female. They break out and go on to date other women. Old enough to know other women exist. Old enough to know that it’s not hard for me to get another woman. Old enough to know people fall in and out of love and think they’ll never find another. But I’m also old enough to know that in spite of all this knowledge, that Stacy is the one woman whom I’m not supposed to let go. Old enough to know I don’t want to watch Stacy fall in love with another man, or even have a meaningless one night stand with another man. Old enough to know that through all the crap that I’ve been through, multiple broken or crushed hearts people trying to tear me down and what not; I’ve stood strong, have not broken and the one thing that would break me is her gone from my life or with another man.

I don’t suffer from psychological issues like delusions from reality. I may not always be aware of everything but I don’t suffer from delusion or believing in alternate realities.

I did not have any intercouse or anything of sexual ir flirtatious nature going on with the female that l was led to believe is my cousin.

I don’t mean that in the Bill Clinton in reference to Monica Lewinsky way. I mean that as: if God stood before me and said I’ll be in heaven if I did not partake in any sexual or romantic behavior with the woman that led me to believe she was my cousin but also tried to portray to Stacy otherwise, I’d be in heaven with no hesitation. I was not in any kind of relationship with her, only with Stacy.

I am in a situation where I just don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t want closure from Stacy or anything. What I want is to feel secure and for both of us to be happy together and on the same page.

Stacy is still my Queen. Stacy is not a crush or a fantasy and I’m not posting imaginary stuff. Stacy and I are basically married minus the whole textbook sermon and alter stuff, we’re not broken up. I mean that in real life. We may be a little distant but I didn’t dump her. I still love her with all my heart.

I bought Stacy a ring and everything that I’m getting ready to give her.

Basically when it comes to Stacy I, don’t call the coroner.. Call the preacher or whomever the man is that says you may now kiss the bride.

You read a post and think I have psychological issues?

You also think I have psychological issues because I said a female I had been introduced to led me to believe she was related to me, then tried to make it look like the two of us were dating?

Because I went someone’s home and did that and not the other way around?

I’m sure you came with intention to belittle regardless of what I said. Because there’s nothing here tha would say that I have psychological issues.

I AM TALKING ABOUT MY REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES.

NOT ANYTHING DREAMED ABOUT OR IMAGINED OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.

THIS ABOUT SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ME, MANIPULATING PEOPLE’S PERCEPTIONS.

BECAUSE IF YOU READ CORRECTLY. I SAID MY WIFE STACY. INDICATING STACY AND I BEING A COUPLE.

THE PERSON I DID NOT DATE IS A WOMAN TRYING TO MAKE STACY BELIEVE I WAS DATING BOTH HER AND NOT JSTACY. SIMPLE.

LISTEN THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER. SO IF YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY GAMES TO PATHOLOGIZE ME, DON’T REPLY. DO SOMETHING BETTER WITH YOUR TIME.

NOTHING IN HERE IS ME DENOUNCING OR RENOUNCING STACY. IF ANYTHING IT’S ME ANNOUNCING THAT STACY IS MY 1 AND ONLY.

You ever watch the movie, There’s Something About Mary and everybody is trying to screw over the guy so that he can’t be with Mary?

Well that’s what’s happening with Stacy & I.

Except I’m not out to deceive her.

It’s not word salad. Someone who is not me created a mess that stands to destroy my life and probably cause me to kill mysef at some point. Simple

Stacy is not an Ex or an almost. We are a couple currently, going through some things. Some of it because of other people trying to get us to hate the other and be petty to the other. Which I can see.

But she is not imaginary. If this were imaginary, I wouldn’t be on this website posting because it wouldn’t exist to affect me.

So Stacy is REAL. STACY AND I ARE REAL.

a female was moved into my house because I don't have my own place yet unfortunately. I've battled being depressed so it's been rough for me. Anyway, I was led to believe she was my cousin.

okay --- first of all -- did a cow or chicken move in? I dated a guy who would call women "females" and he didn't respect women. So unless you are referring to livestock, how about saying woman, unless she is under 18 and then "girl". or how about lady?

second --- How did a woman who was your cousin move in, and then it turns out she isn't your cousin? seriously, this woman just showed up and introduced herself as a cousin and your relatives went along with it?? THat doesn't sound like something that happens in real life. Or are you someone that just goes along with what anyone else does or says? If i were Stacy, i would be really suspicious, too. you are either lying or you let people take extreme advantage of you

Well Stacy isn’t a stalker. She’s fine.

The person, that was around me that I was led to believe is my cousin is the problem here. You see I’m already my own problem in my love life with Stacy, I don’t need another person doing crazy stuff to multiply things, that I end up taking the fall for that’s makes Stacy think I’m a terrible choice of a man.

Of course the situation is bizarre, that’s why I’m in so much trouble. Because, who the heck would do something like that. These other posters may not really understand what I’m saying because you basically have to be me.

This is the behavior I got:

hey I’m your cousin. Hey I’ll be staying here weekends. I’m not doing anything suspicious.

Now with portraying the above to me.. what she portrayed to other people is:

Hey I got I new man. I just moved in with him for the weekends. So we’re getting close

What I’m thinking is:

Oh, that’s my cousin. That has nothing to do with me, I don’t own the home. Let me go about my day normally. She’s not even appealing to me anyway? Besides I love Stacy, just worry about getting things back on course with her.

Her thinking is:

Infiltration successful, he doesn’t suspect a thing. All I have to do is play it cool for a while. Try to get a photo with him, try to get out in public with him. He won’t think a thing because he thinks I’m his cousin. Next I just have to be around the house try to look my best so he notices me, and he’ll fall for me in no time. If not, I’ll make Stacy think he moved on and break them up permannently. He’ll be so distraught and fall for the nearest woman, which is me.

Stacy sees this situation:

Oh he has a new woman now? He’s trash. I can’t believe I loved him. Tears. Ok two can play that game.

Me:

No Clue that this is going on

The gist of things.

As for people trying to create drama, yet again you have to be me. I’m in a very, I’m a target situation situation. People have it out for me and love to give me hard time to be

a-holes.

I’ve been arrested for going to a precinct on an 1% chance that a civilian found my phone and brought it in to the precinct. The officer even almost pushed me down a flight of steps with my back turned to the steps and try to say I tried to throw him down the steps. When I actually almost cracked my head and had to reach to save myself.

I’ve been arrested for disorderly conduct, for breaking up two fights that could’ve escalated into a big brawl. And if I wasn’t there it would’ve because the police wouldn’t have been there in time enough to stop it. I came between the fights. And who knows what could’ve happened from there.

I’ve had a female lie to everybody and say I punched another female in her face. The interesting thing is that of me and that female, the only person who ever got hit was me by her. In the incident in question because I didn’t want to hit a female and an incident prior in front of her own parent. Apparently we’re back on good terms now though.

I’ve recently had a doctor, whom I mistook for a counselor. I was explaining something I went through in the past with me being falsely accused of something. He then had me hospitalized under the premise I confessed to him that I did what I was falsey accused of. I wasn’t intoxicated, so I recall what I said. It was that I’ve been through false accusations in the long ago past. I didn’t find out he used the opposite of what I told him as a basis for my hospitalization until weeks after I got out.

The second doctor then wouldn’t let me out.

Then he lied to a Supreme Court Judge about me to keep me further hospitalized. Then had his lawyer lie to the judge on me.

These last 2 sections were just 4 months ago.

NORMAL OCCURANCES HAVE DISAPPEARED FROM MY LIFE LONG AGO.

People who shouldn’t know my business, know my business as if it’s some app geared to my every move online and offline. And I’ve had to act like I’m unaware of it for years.

That’s why people get into the habit of trying to say rude things to me. Because if I’m being watched, people control the perception of me.

Either by getting people to say rude things in regards to me or the opposite.

That’s another topic. Though, that has also interfered with my relationship with Stacy because she doesn’t like everybody in her business. And for some reason my privacy has become glass. And I’m no narcissist or someone that craves attention so I like my privacy as well.

Paranoid is out the window, it’s happening. But that situation I mentioned involving feeling insecure, in terms of Stacy. That was me being paranoid because I’m being real here, my dating life sucked before I met her. I would say that every woman that I had feelings for before I met Stacy, ended up in a relationship

with someone who was my friend. And I was always the odd man out. From Day 1. There were a few that just ended up with someone else. Damn right I was paranoid. I didn’t give love a final shot to watch Stacy be with someone else. I’m here to be to Stacy, who had I to watch other buy to the women I’ve had ferlings for in the past. Which is the man in a heterosexual couple. But I’m not here to use Stacy to heal the hurt of my past or compensate for it. It’s because I truly love Stacy. Skip my insecure moment with Stacy, I’m THANKFUL that it played out that way. Because I met the best woman in Stacy and I probably would’ve never met Stacy if I was more successful with women in my past. Because I probably would’ve had a girlfriend and ended up not being around the people I was around that led me to meeting Stacy.

It’s missed that I’m not a weak man. Now zi do get weak when I’m without Stacy because she’s my other half. Like the rib from adam that made eve. And even if you read the zodiac compatibilities, one says neither feels whole without the other or something like that (capricorn woman and aquarius man). Though I don’t date based on zodiac. If it were a different woman, I wouldn’t even feel like this where a woman can make me week. But Stacy can also make me feel strong, and nothing in the world can break me. Now physically, internally, emotionally, in character, or spiritually. Although most of those count as internal. But I’m not all that bad toxic stuff.

Are you back out on the streets or in a half-way house? It seems you are still suffering from delusions and need to talk to the people who supervise you.

I’ve been arrested for disorderly conduct

I’ve recently had a doctor, whom I mistook for a counselor. I was explaining something I went through in the past with me being falsely accused of something. He then had me hospitalized under the premise I confessed to him that I did what I was falsey accused of.

The second doctor then wouldn’t let me out.

Then he lied to a Supreme Court Judge about me to keep me further hospitalized.

Hi SBJF,

How well do you and your wife communicate? You seem to be overly concerned about other people. If you continue to obsess on how they may be sabotaging your relationship, you need help. Focus on your relationship with Stacy and try to iron out things on your own. If communication is a problem, therapy can help, preferrably marital therapy.

If Stacy does not share your feelings, then there is no mutual love. It downgrades your feels to infatuation. Nobody can be whatever you define as a "soulmate" if they do not share your level of intensity of feelings.

So, in order to change that takes more than an unrealistic level of effort. Likely to not produce the desired response by the object of your infatuation.

If I were you, I would give up on the idea of a soul mate. Whether or not you find love with someone. There are billions of people on the planet. You could be compatible with a lot of them - or not. Maybe Stacy is not one of those people.

Too much pressure to put on her to call her your soul mate.