I’m Struggling and Just Want to Give Up on Life

I’m really really struggling right now and need someone to vent to and get advice from. I hate myself and my life right now and am having a very hard time dealing with this breakup. Any help is so so much appreciated.

Me and my ex broke up nearly two weeks ago. I’m 29 and he’s 23. We dated for 8 months. Those 8 months were great for the most part. We hardly ever argued and when we did, it was little things that we got over, never had any fights. I was his first real relationship and we loved each other. He always told me he thought he loved a girl he dated for 6 months in high school, I believe, but he was wrong. He genuinely loved me and I was the first to ever love him. It was special to both of us. I told him right off the bat when we started dating that I was looking for the one and wanted to settle down and he reassured me saying he was looking for the same despite him being a little younger. We started dating in April of this year. We met at work, both working as servers. Both still there. He told me loved me in July. In August is when he told me he thought he might have feelings for someone else.. We worked through it and he said he was distancing himself from her and he turned those feelings off. Fast forward to September, he broke up with me because of these feelings and he decided maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down, he was confused, needed time, etc. I didn’t talk to him for a week and then I reached out to see how he was doing. We ended up talking and he told me how much he missed me and I was the only person he could think about during that time. We got back together. Fast forward to October, the same thing happened but the same night he took the breakup back. Then to now, he broke up with me about two weeks ago for the same things saying, he still has feelings for someone else, same girl, which just so happens to be someone I thought was my friend that we also work with, that he’s not ready to settle down and he also doesn’t know how to deal with the temptation from other girls messaging him on Facebook and stuff because he’s never had that before. Backstory on that: in high school he was a bigger guy, nerdy, quiet, was bullied some and never got the girls. Now he’s skinnier and as handsome as ever in my eyes. Still nerdy and quiet but I love that about him. Of course I poured my heart out to him trying to make him realize what we have and not to leave something great to see what might could be and that the grass isn’t greener, that with these other girls, it’s just attention he’s receiving and he’s taking that and running with it. Yesterday I saw him at work during crossover (luckily we don’t work the same shifts anymore but I do have to see him every Sunday during crossover and also her because she hosts Sunday nights). He didn’t look at me or acknowledge me. He was finishing up to leave and I went and sat outside by myself to get some air and try to keep myself from bawling. He walked past me without saying a word and then he paused at the door to go out to the parking lot and turned around and looked at me and still stood there. I got up and hugged him and shed some tears telling him I miss him. He just says again the same things: he’s sorry, he’s sorry it has to end like this, I’ll be ok etc. and then said he had to go because he was meeting his dad for lunch and he told me I could text him if I want to. So of course I did and I poured my heart out once again. He just keeps saying “I don’t know how we could fix this or if I want to, I can’t be with you when I have feelings for someone else, it’s not fair to you, I can’t keep going back and forth, you’ll be ok, you’ll find someone just like me and more, I’m not on the same page as you, I can’t keep ignoring these feelings, I know it’s hard but you have to move on, I’m truly sorry” etc. He also said despite what I think, he’s not enjoying this and it’s not easy for him either but he has to do what’s best for him and what he feels in his heart is right.

This is absolutely killing me to the point where I don’t want to live anymore. I dated a guy who treated me so bad for 4 1/2 years and loved him but the love with this guy (Nick) is so different because I was so happy and so was he. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It was so genuine and pure. I love his mom and she loves me and always told me about how happy I made her son, how she had never seen him smile the way he did, and she really wanted it to work with us. I stayed single for like 6 years or so waiting for the right guy and thought I found him only to be let down again. I’m so broken. I can barely go to work and I cry when I’m there. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t eat or sleep. I’ve lost roughly 6 or 7 pounds. I barely shower. My body is so weak and feels like it’s shutting down. It’s a struggle getting out of bed. I go to bed every night hoping I don’t wake up the next day. It’s a horrible feeling. All I want is for him to realize what we had and to miss me and think about me and want to come back. I miss him and love him so much. I’m dying inside and don’t know what else to do.

I’m so sorry this is so long. I just need help right now.

Thank you for reading.

Hey, I think you just need to realize that the age difference and experience difference mattered a lot. I'm sure he cared for you and maybe even still has feelings, but he's not ready to settle down. He could spend another 10 years exploring his options and no one would blink an eye. I'm sorry you pinned such high hopes on someone so young, but be happy he's maturely setting you free to meet someone else instead of trying to keep you while he explores other options. You don't have to turn off your feelings, but you do need to take a deep breath, realize it is over, and start moving forward. Begging him won't change the reality of the situation and will make work awkward for you and your coworkers. Good luck healing!

Edit: Also, the symptoms you described sound like depression if they have lasted 2 weeks or more. It would be a good idea to see a therapist or counselor for awhile to keep your situation from worsening while you grieve the loss of your relationship.

Well, you're dealing with immaturity here. He doesn't want what you want. He was probably humoring you when you talked about settling down, or it sounded like a good idea at the time. But as you pointed out, he's got other girls chasing him, and you're acting all serious and mature. He wants to go out and party and fool around.

You know, to put it in perspective, think about how the relationship would have been if you were a college graduate and you started dating a high school student, and you were talking about settling down to a 16-year old. You have a similar situation here. It was just doomed from the start.

Try to distract yourself with pampering yourself and getting out and about and walking around and looking at the Christmas decorations. Go out with friends and go to Christmas parties and have a good time. Grieve a bit, but over time, you'll feel better and you'll be ready to move on. And at some point you'll be able to laugh at it all.

The male brain doesnt fully mature until age 25, so this fellow has a couple of years to go. You'd be better off with someone closer to your own age.

Sorry to hear this. Breakups suck and unfortunately the holidays seem to underscore that. Unfortunately the weeks before Christmas is peak breakup time. Especially for college-aged kids like this guy. The theory is that they have been thinking about it and just can't go through the presents, families, parties, etc faking it.

Sorry to hear this. Breakups suck and unfortunately the holidays seem to underscore that. Unfortunately the weeks before Christmas is peak breakup time. Especially for college-aged kids like this guy. The theory is that they have been thinking about it and just can't go through the presents, families, parties, etc faking it.

I never understood why Christmas was so taxing to relationships and break up season but that theory makes lots of sense.