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Thread: Alone and having trouble making friends.

  1. #1

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    Alone and having trouble making friends.

    Hi:
    I am 45 years old.. no married. My parents died when I was relatively young. I am having a lot of problems making friends. I have friends at work but not good friends. At home I have family but they are just horrible. Abusive and mess ups. I know you might say... go out and make friends... but it is hard. Weekends are mostly errands and that is all the time I have. When I was younger was the age of message boards and I want to meet people on boards and then in real life... but it hard. I can't find good quality message boards for the kind of thing anymore.

    I have neighbors and I think I am relatively friendly but it is tough. Nothing seems to stick. They are happy to say hello in passing and when it snows but no one wants to be friends. Even the single ones.

    Someone once said we all must have someone to listen to us... that is starting to really get to me. So much of my life I have no one to share any of it with. What is the point of going on a trip to Europe or something if no one cares that you went?

    Anyway, anyone have any thoughts?

  2. #2
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    Hey, it's hard. None of us here will say it isn't. And as you get older, you lose a lot more friends than you will make. I haven't made a new friend in probably 20 years. But you've got to try. See if you can get involved in something. Maybe walk dogs for the local animal shelter, or see if there's a professional group you can join. Ask around in work if someone wants to get a drink afterwards, or if anyone knows any eligible bachelors. You've got to make the attempt. But it's not easy.

  3. #3
    Silver Member fwdthinker's Avatar
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    How about a local church or faith based community? Also there is an app/ website community called meetup. I know lots of people who have made friends that way. Pick activities that you like and go to an event. You'll meet people who enjoy the same sorts of things you do.

  4. #4
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    I have made a lot of friends through volunteering.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by fwdthinker
    How about a local church or faith based community? Also there is an app/ website community called meetup. I know lots of people who have made friends that way. Pick activities that you like and go to an event. You'll meet people who enjoy the same sorts of things you do.
    Meetup is great. There aren't any events where I live now but I tried some years ago in my home city and I met great people and tried new hobbies.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why aren't you taking classes or courses that interest you or volunteering or joining some groups or clubs? Why not get on some dating apps and message and meet men there? Going to work and running errands is not a social life.
    Originally Posted by SaraShaw
    When I was younger was the age of message boards and I want to meet people on boards and then in real life... but it hard. I can't find good quality message boards for the kind of thing anymore.

  8. #7
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I have made a lot of friends through volunteering.
    Me too.... this is where my best quality friendships come from.

  9. #8

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    Your post really resonates with me. When I was in college, it was easier to make friends, because I would befriend people in my classes or people who lived down the dorm hall from me. AFter I got out of college, it really got harder to make friends that stuck, because as adults we have lots of responsibilities and busy lives. I am wondering if you might consider taking some kind of class where you could meet other people with similar interests. For example if you love to cook, how about signing up for a cooking class. If you like reading, how about seeing if there is a book club near by. If you would like some helpful relaxation, how about joining a yoga class or water aerobics? I had a friend who actually took belly dancing classes! But where I found a lot of my friends were in the classes I took. Another thing: What about doing some sort of volunteer position? I started volunteering at my local domestic violence shelter, and I ended up meeting my best friend. Another place to look for friends is a church. Some of my closest friends have been from church. One thing that gets me in trouble is my negative self-talk and insecurity. I worry about what others will think and then it gets me really uptight and nervous. But I've found if I can stop thinking of the negative self-talk and get that other person talking and ask them questions, it gets a lot easier. I hope this helps.

  10. #9

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    Definitely tried classes or volunteering but most of the time things don't stick. I am really confused about it because it seems every time I ask about these issues people say these things but then, you go there, and there is no attempt at all to make friends. Everyplace I go they just want to do the work.

    Or my other favorite.. you go to a class and find everyone else there has brought someone with them? It is annoying. But also, and I know this makes me a problem but I am also busy. As a person without friends I am probably MORE busy than others. So chasing after non sure fire ways to make friends seems to be not worth it as it just puts me more behind.

  11. #10
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SaraShaw
    Definitely tried classes or volunteering but most of the time things don't stick. I am really confused about it because it seems every time I ask about these issues people say these things but then, you go there, and there is no attempt at all to make friends. Everyplace I go they just want to do the work.

    Or my other favorite.. you go to a class and find everyone else there has brought someone with them? It is annoying. But also, and I know this makes me a problem but I am also busy. As a person without friends I am probably MORE busy than others. So chasing after non sure fire ways to make friends seems to be not worth it as it just puts me more behind.
    Here is the thing. The only sure fire way to make friends is to put in the time and effort to grow the relationship. Making friends is a bit like dating... building intimacy slowly, letting things flow naturally, putting in the time to get to know someone. You can meet people in these places that you like and connect with, but unless you put in the work (reaching out and showing interest in them on a regular basis) they will always remain acquaintances.

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