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Thread: How should I handle this "friend" at NYE party?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Forget snappy retorts, rise above that. Her catty remarks make her look bad so don't hop in the litter box with her. Simply be yourself and continue being polite and cordial and ignore her remarks. Focus on the hosts and other guests.
    Awww shoot, so the "diarrhea of the mouth" is too much? Darn.....lol. Yeah, I agree, her remarks say more about her. Thanks for the confirmation.

  2. #22
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    Really, I don't think you could go wrong either way. Folks are right that, assuming the rest or the bulk of your other friends have an emotional maturity which rises above a 12th grader, the only thing they're thinking when she opens her mouth is, "Is this lady stunted?"

    Still, assuming she's said these things in front of some of or mostly the same people, I find it perplexing no one has said, "Yeah, Stacy, I'm sure there are a lot of things we're all curious about, but I can near guarantee LHGirl's love life from 2002 isn't one of them." Speaking personally, while we fortunately don't have such a caricature roaming around any of our circles, there have been a few times someone has brought a girlfriend to a party, the girlfriend mistakenly thinking the whole passive-aggressive jokes-but-not-jokes toward her partner will get a gurl-laugh only for her to get shut down quick by a woman in our group after the second quip. There's something to be said for folks doing their best to preserve the party vibe, but it's pretty crappy when people take advantage of the captive audience and natural aversion to speak up and risk drama to be an ***hole and essentially bully someone.

    However, a big reason we're able to police it without incurring more drama is because no one is really the type to gossip or talk ****. If Alex tells a lady her wisecracks are getting old, everyone knows it's because it's getting old. There's no one thinking she's just secretly jealous or whatever. While I'm not saying anyone's gotta be particularly catty about it, is your group one where people kinda just talk to each other about others? It's so strange to me that a woman can just routinely come in and say things like this and it's just kind of a 90's sitcom "That's our Kathy!" moment. Like no one's got clean enough hands to be the one to tell her that **** isn't cool. In which case, yeah, I'd say the best way you could provide assurances is by letting it roll off your shoulders and not being someone who makes drama public.

  3. #23
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    Have you talked with her about this? If not, I strongly suggest that you pull her aside at the start of the party and tell her not to bring up ANY of the past as it is hurtful and disrespectful.
    I had to do this with a 'friend' and he has gotten much better. You must shut this down! Do not stoop to her level, you will also look like a jerk. You need to take back control.

    Also, you need to cut all contact with this woman. She is toxic!!!!!

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Don't any of your friends speak up in your defense?

    If I were there I would have turned to you and asked "Has she always been this jealous of you or is it a recent development?"
    I like this!

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  6. #25
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    I see that you have talked, but only after she came to you. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not to bring up your personal relationships, or anything about you.

    She does not respect you, and you need to show her that you are serious. She is awful!!!

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Have you talked with her about this? If not, I strongly suggest that you pull her aside at the start of the party and tell her not to bring up ANY of the past as it is hurtful and disrespectful.
    I had to do this with a 'friend' and he has gotten much better. You must shut this down! Do not stoop to her level, you will also look like a jerk. You need to take back control.

    Also, you need to cut all contact with this woman. She is toxic!!!!!
    I'm always so dumbfounded, I end up not saying anything. So it looks like I'm taking the high road when in fact, I'm just awestruck by how insensitive she is. But now that I'm pretty sure it's coming, I'll be prepared for the blank stare/silence.

    The first time she did this was about 10 years ago, and I just got up and found the hostess, thanked her for a lovely time, and went home. Apparently after I left, numerous people who hadn't met me started talking about her and how I seemed upset by it (from my silence). She apologized to me in person about 2 weeks later, when my then-teenage niece (now 29) was with me at a party. My niece still remembers this apology. Of course, the apology was only words, and it didn't stick.

    I've since cut off all one-on-one contact with her. Only large groups, and only cordial conversations. She still manages to jab it in there once in a while. Ugh.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    I'm always so dumbfounded, I end up not saying anything. So it looks like I'm taking the high road when in fact, I'm just awestruck by how insensitive she is. But now that I'm pretty sure it's coming, I'll be prepared for the blank stare/silence.

    The first time she did this was about 10 years ago, and I just got up and found the hostess, thanked her for a lovely time, and went home. Apparently after I left, numerous people who hadn't met me started talking about her and how I seemed upset by it (from my silence). She apologized to me in person about 2 weeks later, when my then-teenage niece (now 29) was with me at a party. My niece still remembers this apology. Of course, the apology was only words, and it didn't stick.

    I've since cut off all one-on-one contact with her. Only large groups, and only cordial conversations. She still manages to jab it in there once in a while. Ugh.
    I still think you should say something at the party. Pull her aside and tell her you do not want to walk down memory lane. Nothing. Do not allow her the chance to say anything. Be serious and no apologies for your position.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 12-11-2018 at 01:14 PM.

  9. #28
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    Im still surprised no one else has chimed in and told her she was being inappropriate.

    Even if someone were to pipe-up and say her name once she starts on her rant (after giving her a look of disapproval), and then change the topic of conversation.

    Makes me think that if she were to hear from others, shell get a clue (one would hope) that no one wants to hear what she has to say.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by milly007
    Im still surprised no one else has chimed in and told her she was being inappropriate.
    In my friends' defense (all of them), she actually doesn't do this in front of friends, or people we know. She makes sure she waits until there are people we don't know, and that's when she pulls this sh*t out.

    In a group of people at a party, for example, how people move from group to group, she'll wait until I'm with a few new people. This is where you're just exchanging pleasantries: So nice to meet you, how do you know the host, how long have you lived in town, that sort of stuff. She will literally walk up, and say "LHGirl and I met when we were in our 20's. She was married then, and she divorced him, and ..... blah......blah......blah.....which is all of my romantic past. These new people just stand there, mouths open. Mind you, we met in 1986. So she's literally pulling out 32 years worth of stuff.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    In my friends' defense (all of them), she actually doesn't do this in front of friends, or people we know. She makes sure she waits until there are people we don't know, and that's when she pulls this sh*t out.

    In a group of people at a party, for example, how people move from group to group, she'll wait until I'm with a few new people. This is where you're just exchanging pleasantries: So nice to meet you, how do you know the host, how long have you lived in town, that sort of stuff. She will literally walk up, and say "LHGirl and I met when we were in our 20's. She was married then, and she ..... blah......blah......blah.....which is all of my romantic past. These new people just stand there, mouths open.
    Ah oh ok.

    Wow, shes conniving.

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