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Thread: why am I so promiscuous

  1. #1

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    why am I so promiscuous

    Good day all
    First I think a bit about me is in order. One thing at the beginning, English is not my mother tongue, so pls overlook spelling and grammar mistakes.
    I am a male over 50, was a single child, was married 2, or should I say at the moment separated from my 2 wife, was a single parent after my first marriage, and are now for nearly a year in a new relationship.
    Even so, I do not believe 100% that childhood is a trigger for adult behavior, I will start there.
    I never really met my “creator”, as my mom married, a different man,whom I saw for a long time as my father. The marriage lasted for about a year, and from than, several relationships followed. As it was, they changed at times frequently.
    Even though that I think most men have a problem with there size, mine has definitely something to do with her, as she often commented about her lovers organs in conversations to her friends I overheard. I also think that sex was an integrall part , sometimes even an exclusive part of a relation. But that only on the side.
    Coming to puberty I had my 1st sexual relationship when I was 18!
    As far as I can remember, this was also the first relation that broke because me being promiscuous. What followed was a string of dates relationship, called as you want. The next serious one was one of the few, that fell apart without me having somebody else as a reason.
    The mother of my first child, was than, with the relation before, real blows to me. I literally walked in on another man.
    I made a drastic cut in my life, changed job and moved to another country. Here I met my first wife and the mother of my second biological child. (she brought one into the marriage I subsequently reared on my own). As said I walked in on her but this was only the tip of the iceberg. I think none of my friends and collegs she did not have.
    It really devastated me, but after a time I started dating again. Maybe I should mention that, ACCORDING to woman, I have “ me please” written on my forehead. Being 193, brought shouldered, blue eyed and handsome, and some sort of a "Camel-man", according to them, might give that impression?
    Nevertheless I started internet dating and had a constant stream of affairs some longer some short lived. The short ones I stopped, the longer ones where all ended by the other party. Also on a dating site I met my second wife.
    Here I need to mention, that after the breakup of the first marriage I went for counseling and my counselor said I am looking for the wrong type of woman.
    My wife was different, physically a mix of bombshell and not my type, her upbringing and how she saw relation and the world where somehow very different from whom I met before.
    The reason I eventually married her was not the right one,(if you want to know ask), and shortly into the marriage we split. After 6-8 month we got together again and besides a child issue all was fine. Have I been faithful? NO.
    I changed my original job and had to take one that kept me away from home for prolonged times. During my trips, lots of opportunities and many I took. I would lie, if I’d say I am not a flirt, yes, I flirted for something. I put myself in danger of having something I would not want my partner to see.
    We arrived at the present.
    Analyzing my self, I actually don’t want an affair. I fall in love in an instance, I can not help it. I meet somebody, and at least for 90% I think, yes that could be her.
    I think I never had what many call a ! having sex just because she looks like a good . I need emotion, I need a connection.
    That should not mean that I am unhappy where I am! I think!!
    Even though my partner is the most difficult person I ever met, I can not remember have ever felt more!
    That she is "insanly jeleous" her own words, does not help, and is about her not me!
    Here I need help!!!
    What is it, being in a “perfect” happy relation; intelligent partner, amazing build and beautiful, loving, common interests, great sex, and I come to a hotel, or a where ever, and I start flirting. I don’t need more sex! I get more at home than I can handle and I always can satisfy myself!
    What is it that, if I see someone, and it has to be pleasing to the eye, I start flirting and put myself in a position than can potentially lead to more?
    On the one side I realize I don’t want, but I also can’t stop??
    If it is the “hunt” instinct, than please let me get over it!!
    I leave it here and hope one of you has something to say.
    I hate myself for it, as I not only hurt myself, but hurt my partners more

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Attention and sex addiction? See a therapist to get evaluated for personality disorders such as narcissistic or mood disorders that drive hyper-sexuality such as bipolar, where the need for constant self indulgence and gratification on many levels is a bottomless pit.

    It would not be a problem if you were ok with all this but it seems to be over-playing in your mind that at this age, your virility is coming into question for you in the form of "Do I still have enough game to get a lot of sexual attention?" Have you seen a physician regarding aging, testosterone, sexual performance, etc?

  3. #3

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    It would not be a problem if you were ok with all this but it seems to be over-playing in your mind that at this age, your virility is coming into question for you in the form of "Do I still have enough game to get a lot of sexual attention?" Have you seen a physician regarding aging, testosterone, sexual performance, etc?
    Hi Wiseman
    I think you overlook the fact that this is nothing that only happened to me recently!!!!!
    and yes I have been for medical and scicological help!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I, too would say a sex addiction. You seem to need to feed your ego by trying to get these other women into bed. You also admitted that you can't seem to stop yourself and that you don't even really like it.
    This is all basis the of a sex addiction.

    You need therapy and help. You also need to upgrade your morals as a grown man. You are lacking in morals.
    You seem to be only thinking of yourself and not caring who you're hurting or how badly you are treating your partner by all this cheating.

    I don't think anything can fix all of these issues, except going to see a very good therapist. Make sure it's not a woman therapist, you don't seem to have much self control.

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  6. #5
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    I also echo sex addiction which is not actually about "sex" but about the "validation" you get from the sex.

    It's a very complex issue and form of addiction, there is no easy fix, certainly not from an advice forum; deep introspection and a qualified professional specializing in sex addiction will help you.

    You have taken the first step though which is the acknowledgement you have a problem which is fabulous.

    I wish you best conquering this.

  7. #6
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    Yes, I agree with the others. You need to talk to someone because there's usually an event, sometimes in childhood, sometimes later in life that causes problems like this, and you need to explore that event and work on it.

  8. #7

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    At the moment i am not in the possition to affort a therapist. I was recently in an acident and have 4 month no income.
    How ever, it is, I THINK, not sex i seek. Validation, yes maybe, age related, don't know as I have this for a long time, but maybe it got more in the past. The question is, did it became more because I was successful here and there or is it the age. Not nessassary belongs here, but yes.
    My hope was mechanisms, to maybe reduce or find the bottom for this and with that understand, reduce and eventually stop hopefully

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Only you can decide to stop being your own worst enemy. When you are sick of the hangovers, debauchery and chaos you'll do something about it.

  10. #9

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    the question is how?
    As me and my partner nearly broke up over this, we also talked about it. When I said I will do this and that, she replied this is like a alcoholic flushing all his staches down the drain, so that he can't be tempted. My reply was, if that is really such a bad idea?? at least it is a beginning. However I see the flaw in it. The next time I go out and to the shops I can buy new booz!??


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