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Thread: Unsure about how honest to be

  1. #11
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    Yeah, I'm with SherrySher. When he said he wanted to take a break, I think he might have been with a girl and didn't want you calling while he was with her. Besides, I think he treated you shabbily during his trip. He certainly wanted to be free to do whatever with whomever during his trip. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Thanks, Danzee. Tried to give you rep points but it won't let me.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    So when he said he wanted to be left alone the rest of the trip, he had 9 months left. It would've been insane to think you should be monogamous with no communication during that time. So later when he said you misunderstood, that's nonsense, and even if he hadn't intended a breakup, there's not woman with self worth who would've agreed to such an arrangement. And for all you know, his attention was turned toward another woman at that time, and then he realized the grass wasn't always greener on the other side.

    Let go of your guilt. You did nothing wrong. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't want the info that you had a one-night stand, and be subjected to imagining the woman I now love doing the wild thing with another man. Use positive self-talk whenever the thought arises of guilt: It's the past. I was single. It's okay. Time to enjoy the day and make my favorite dessert/watch our favorite show together/kiss my honey, etc. The present and future is what you should be concentrating on. Happy holidays.
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I doubt very much that he didn't have female company while on this "break". He won't ever admit to it but I would bet he was not alone.

    Don't feel guilty what so ever. He had no right to dump you like that and expect you to be sitting and waiting for him.

    Move on, let the past be the past.
    I agree with both of these.

    I think you might be romanticizing things with him just a bit which is causing you to not only overlook his past transgressions but take blame for them yourself.

    Best case scenario he broke up with you saw that the grass wasn’t greener couldn’t get anyone else and came back and you two are now happy.

    Worst care he banged his way through those months sewed his wild oats and felt ready to commit to you and you two are now happy.

    Sorry to be so vulgar but this is the unromatisized version of what happened. Both versions youre happy now. If you two worked through all that and you’re happy stay happy let sleeping dogs lie,

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been together in an exclusive, in-person relationship? Whatever happened after you broke up and he was traveling is irrelevant because you weren't together. Avoid unnecessary 'confessions' and TMI. Why bother with that? He left to play the field and travel...no strings. How often do you see each other? Are you actually dating? Have you met in person?
    Originally Posted by esthermay
    He came home 5 months later, we kept in contact until then and have been happily together ever since.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    I agree with both of these.

    I think you might be romanticizing things with him just a bit which is causing you to not only overlook his past transgressions but take blame for them yourself.

    Best case scenario he broke up with you saw that the grass wasn’t greener couldn’t get anyone else and came back and you two are now happy.

    Worst care he banged his way through those months sewed his wild oats and felt ready to commit to you and you two are now happy.

    Sorry to be so vulgar but this is the unromatisized version of what happened. Both versions youre happy now. If you two worked through all that and you’re happy stay happy let sleeping dogs lie,
    Always cutting to the quick—respect.

    Because, yeah, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios.

    Neither of you are saints or sinners, just two people who are now happy.

  7. #16
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    Be 100% honest... with yourself.

    Unless you want to be the side-girl for the rest of your life abandon your "dating/relationship style".
    Just date guys for three months or less. Don't rush into sex!

    Ten years goes by in a blink of an eye.
    If you continue with this 'style' you'll soon be watching your chances at a committed man, family and life go down the toilet. (Spend some time reading these and other sad stories here on ENA. They didn't get there by accident.)

    Stop being used.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Kinda harsh, Lester.

    From what I understand they are in, and have been in, a committed relationship for some real time now.

    Yeah, the beginning was a little...whatever. Bad timing. Dude sounds to me like he was genuinely into her and also genuinely into some travel and self-exploration. Communication wasn’t the best. Maybe they both dabbled a bit, and have kind of tiptoed around that, but gravitated back toward each other and made a thing.

    Happens all the time. Not sure anyone is being used here, or that OP needs to feel like she’s being used.

  9. #18
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    I know Blue.
    Maybe it's just the toss of the dice that I've become surrounded by broken 35-45 year old relatives/friends women.

    I too was young once and wasted some time, but still worked, built a home and family, career and savings.
    I like many of my generation knew that you got to "discover" yourself maybe two weeks a year.

    The following describes much of what I'm talking about. (I don't agree with much of Polly's "solutions". )
    [Register to see the link]


    Time is a gift.

  10. #19
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    Throwing my opinion in with the majority...

    You have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. You have nothing to “confess”.

    Your relationship was in a weird limbo state. Limbo things happened while you were in a limbo state. Oh well.

    You were not trying to lie or deceive or take advantage of a situation. It happened because you (reasonably) thought you were single - based on HIs words and actions.

    Leave that can of worms alone. It does not need to be opened.

    ... and if he ever disagrees, you can show him this thread. You’ve got lots of backup here (and we’re usually pretty harsh on cheaters)...

  11. #20
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    You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Dismiss those thoughts immediately, OP! And, enjoy your relationship.

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