Getting the kids to bed

My wife usually puts the older girls (ages 6 and 3) to bed. Tonight I tried to do it and it was a disaster. I put them to bed separately (first the 6 yo and then the 3 yo). They refused to go to the bathroom (they sat down but did not "go.") They refused to brush their teeth. One of us (parents) usually brushes a little bit and they brush a little bit. Tonight I could not even get the toothbrush in the mouth. All the while both of them are yelling, "No! I want mommy!"

My wife asked what the problem was and I said they both refused to do anything. They got to bed eventually but not after screaming and crying. I already fall way short in the parenting and contributions department--how can I get better at this?

I'm not a parent so I can't offer much advice, but why didn't you put the 3 yo to bed first and had the 6 yo help you? You could have tried to make a deal with the 6 yo, like letting her stay up a little longer and watch TV with you if she helped get the 3 yo to bed. Instead, they ganged up on you. You have to divide and conquer.

My wife usually puts the older girls (ages 6 and 3) to bed. Tonight I tried to do it and it was a disaster. I put them to bed separately (first the 6 yo and then the 3 yo). They refused to go to the bathroom (they sat down but did not "go.") They refused to brush their teeth. One of us (parents) usually brushes a little bit and they brush a little bit. Tonight I could not even get the toothbrush in the mouth. All the while both of them are yelling, "No! I want mommy!"

 

My wife asked what the problem was and I said they both refused to do anything. They got to bed eventually but not after screaming and crying. I already fall way short in the parenting and contributions department--how can I get better at this?

The 6 year old is far too old to have you brush her teeth (unless you are brushing your own teeth to model the behavior). I would fight you, too, if i was six. Why don't the 3 and 6 year old have different bedtimes - read a story to the 3 year old and tuck them in bed when they are supposed to go at 7:30/8 and let the 6 year old stay up just a tiny bit later even if its just a half hour so she gets to unwind without her little sister.

If you want to get better, have a routine where mommy comes in, then you come and read a story and then they go to bed so you are part of the bed time routine. And so when mom can't its no big deal

I think the more time you spend with the kids putting them to bed, brushing their teeth, etc., the more receptive they will be. You have to put in the time.

Kids become use to and prefer routine, I find (and I’m only speaking as an aunt!).

I think that putting in that extra time will help, but don’t be surprised if they still ask for mom since it sounds like they’re used to dealing with her. A lot of kids are like this, from what I understand, so don’t fret.

Just my two cents, but I’ll leave it to the experts (the parents) to share their tricks & tips.

Why are you brushing the six-year old's teeth? She should also be going to bed after the three-year old.

I think the more time you spend with the kids putting them to bed, brushing their teeth, etc., the more receptive they will be. You have to put in the time.

My thoughts exactly.

Kids won't listen to you if they aren't used to you, even if you're their dad. You need to put them to bed more often. The six year old is just being a pain with brushing her teeth. She knows better and you should be telling her to smarten up and get them done.

The 3 year old will need a bit more coercing but eventually you should be able to get it done.

If they keep crying for mom, tell them nope, dad is here tonight. No matter how much they scream and cry, don't give in. Kids are funny that way, they will test you to see how easy you give in.

Stand your ground, be gentle but firm and if you put them to bed on a daily basis it will get easier and easier.

Kids thrive on routine. They just weren't used to having you do it. As others said, if you keep at it consistently then they will get used to you.

Part of their fuss may have been bedtime avoidance, too.

Stand your ground. Be a "broken record" when they complain. "Mommy's not available tonight, but I'm here". Keep your cool, but be firm and consistent.

If your wife wants them to get used to you doing the bedtime routine, it would be helpful if she would leave the house for a few times during that time.

Don't be discouraged by a bad night. You can do this!

I've got two grown kids and I've been there done that. The 3yr old should go to bed first. Help her with her teeth to get her started, then she can finish the brushing on her own. Praise her for doing a good job. The 6 yr old should go to bed a bit later than the 3 yr old. Tell Miss 6 that she is to brush her own teeth and stand there til she does it. She is testing you. Let her scream and howl and cry. Eventually she will brush her teeth. Then tell her she did a good job on her teeth, and then she goes to bed. Kids test you all the time. You have to be the Three Sistents. That means you have to be Consistent, Insistent and Persistent. You are the parent, you are in charge.

I have a lot of input on this but instead of step by step I have the following advice : watch supernanny videos on this topic - it’s worth the google effort. And take a look at Janet Lansbury’s articles plus the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Great tips on effective and calm communication. As an aside when my husband is home at bedtime we have our specific tasks and input we do. But I’ve done bedtime on my own a lot and my husband has too just less so because of schedules. Yes he is now 9 and yes we still have a routine. I do not think the 6 year old should help you by the way. Let her have her own bedtime routine and not have to help with her little sister. Her help should be getting more independent so you have fewer tasks with her. Good luck !

Yes to all of the above. Also consider using incentives and rewards. The 6 year old can be treated to 'big girl' status and rewarded as such by getting to stay up later. While she doesn't 'have to' help with baby, her incentive for doing so would be to spend special time with you after baby goes to bed. So she may be more willing to 'model' pre-bed behavior for baby even though she gets to read or watch something with you after baby sleeps.

Enticing older child to 'pretend' to sleep at the same time as baby may have her falling asleep instead of coming back out to join you. If that happens, offer her a special reward next morning to encourage her to stay 'on side' of repeating the performance. Extra special treatment for sleeping when she's tired instead of staying awake means double-reward AND the option of staying up for special time next night.

There's really no down side to teaching small children that there's something in it for them to cooperate. The old fashioned style of 'shoulds' without rewards misses opportunities to teach negotiation skills that will serve everyone well into the future.