Advice needed

My partner works FIFO two weeks on two weeks off, he has been doing this for 8 years and we have been together 22 years. Every time I have something on when he's not here he, from the start of that day he will start acting weird, like I shouldnt be doing things without him type of thing.

An example was yesterday, we were texting in the morning and he starts asking whats wrong with me, that he's worried about me, that I have been acting cold towards him etc, but I had not been at all, just a normal day. I read back on our convo and definately no reason for him to be worried about me?? I called him as too see what he was worried about and reassure him that all is good and he still indists Im doing something to make him feel worried, but camt tell me what, and I should be happy someone loves and misses me that much to worry.

Last night I was hosting a xmas party for my team from work (all women), I had been sending him pics all day of decorations etc, as I was excited about the party, he was working nights, so I knew he wouldnt get them until he woke up. He text me when he woke up, party had begun so Im busy, my phone is being used for music, we were playing party games and having a fun time, and he text and says hes off to work, 10 minutes later, text saying he text like I asked, then he has called the kids and spoke to them. Then he text me again saying "you guys make me feel awesome, kids dont talk to me on phone, you dont text back, I dont know why Im doing this". I didnt get message until later as I was hosting a xmas party and my.phone was being used for music.

I spoke too kids they said he called quickly and had to go as he was off too work, said it was all good and they both had a quick chat and he had to get off phone.

I understand that it's harder for him to be away from his family, but I dint think its fair for him to expect me not to have a life when he is at work.

Can anyone help me understand this behavour, i havent got time to bother about playing stupid games, Id rather he tells me what his issue is so we get on with it and not go around in circles, this is pretty much what happens everytime I do anything when hes away.

Does he act up more at the end of his hitch?

Usually a week in until he comes home

Usually a week in until he comes home

And does that indicate anything to you?

Have you ever had to be away from family at odd hours for half the year?

Does he act normal when he’s around?

I think you need to play gentle with him when he’s gone and cater a little more. I think he’s probably lonely and sad he’s missing out.

I can tell you what his major worry is, unfounded or not. He will probably never bring this up with you.

I worked FIFO for a year on a 4 weeks on 1 off rotation. I had just been divorced and was single.

Quite a few men left the site happy and when they returned, you could tell something was wrong. They had discovered their wives or girlfriends had cheated or even left them. There was a club of betrayed men in our camp and they all supported each other, due to the long rotation.

It's always a worry for men that work away from their families and compounded by the fact that many of their work mates have had it happen to them regularly.

You might have the most wonderful relationship, children and a great life, but it will be in the back of your husbands mind and there's probably nothing you can do, except keep in regular contact with him, share every detail of your daily routine, tell him you love him often and make him feel like he's the greatest man on this planet.

Yeah I know, I get it he's lonely, but i still dont think its fair that this happens everytime he is away because he feels he is missing out. Am I supposed to have 2 weeks off from my life when he is away? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything he does for us, but its been 8 years hes worked in this in industry.

Yeah I know, I get it he's lonely, but i still dont think its fair that this happens everytime he is away because he feels he is missing out. Am I supposed to have 2 weeks off from my life when he is away? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everything he does for us, but its been 8 years hes worked in this in industry.

Well, what do you do to make him feel loved?

Yes, you should have a life, but don’t rub it in his face. Talk to him and love him. Remember he’s sacrificing for you.

And it will happen every time. Imagine being away for two weeks.

Thank you, this makes sense.

Another question - would you be happy if he made significantly less money?

Yeah ok, cheers for your point of view. Are you a Fifo worker?

Um, i wasnt bagging him, i would prefer he be happy than not.be, like i said, 22 years we been together, we survived with less.

Not FIFO but I’ve done the two week hitches and lived in mancamps.

If you are ok on less money, talk to him and say you think you’d both be happier if he got a different job.

If you are not ok on less, then consider that you have sacrifices to make, just like him.

Yes sacrifices, it always comes down to sacrifices he has made, he does this for us, it is a sacrifice he made, and yes this maybe true, may not, our story is ours. He reminds me of these sacrifices and what he does all the time.

In general you only ever hear about the sacrifices that the lonely FIFO worker makes. NEVER EVER have I heard a mention of the partner or the family he leaves when he makes these sacrifices, the partner who works, looks after the kids, runs pretty much everything day in day out, all year round, doesnt get time off to relax, works all the time and most of the time is not paid, and the partner that just gets on with it, because of the sacrifice he made.

I know this sounds harsh, but its hard to be expected to just deal with this everytime hes away because of a CHOICE he made 8 years ago.

Cheers for you advice, always good to hear a different point of view

I’m sure it was a choice you both made.

And I acknowledged your sacrifice too.

Like I said. It comes down to money.

Where I work, these shift workers are literally making 3x what they’d get elsewhere.

Choices.

Well, my grandmother would have told him "Don't be silly." You could add you love him and remind him he'd be home in a week. And then tell him you'll talk to him after the party or when you get home. Has this been going on for 22 years? Whew.

I like ur grandmother. Well ny life isnt that outragous Im out all the time, and when hes home we go out together, its just sometime stuff falls wgen hes away, just life.

So I have a few family members and a few friends who make a living this way. My own father did it when I was very young.

From what I understand, there isn't really a life when they are away working. It's lots of work, sleep when you can, and lots of loneliness. Drug and alcohol abuse and depression is rampant.

With all due respect, living like that can not even be compared to being there to see your kids every day, having your whole support network physically around you, being able to have 'a life' as you put it. I'm not saying it doesn't have its own challenges, but it's apples and oranges. Top that off with the pressure of all these people depending on you to financially provide, talk about isolating.

Maybe if you pull in good money, he can come home and have a more normal life and job. ? Or maybe going with a bit less? What is the reason and the plan you two had when originally agreeing to this? Maybe it needs to be amended?

Eight years is a long time to do it, half that time working and away from everyone, theres bound to be a chasm where his life and 'the family' life. Maybe he is getting worn down, depressed, just misses feeling like he is a real day to day part of the family.

People I've known who work these kinds of jobs aren't really the type to say " I can't do this anymore." There's pride and there's a sense of duty to not letting people down, not wanting them to have to work so hard.

Which makes me wonder if he knows you actually resent him. That you feel unappreciated, and that you feel you work too hard. I'm thinking no... as it'd probably hurt him badly to hear that, and that he's doing something he obviously doesn't want to be doing anymore for nothing but the material things it buys.

He's told you quite clearly he's not happy. What are you willing to give up to change it - less time with your kids? Less stuff?

Because ignoring it, there might not be a relationship to come back to eventually, it will be so disconnected beyond what it was.

Could you handle it, at this point, actually having him home and having daily decision making and input and time and adjusting your life for that ?

Some people LIKE having their partner away more than not. Do you or would you like having him home?

I'm just a stranger so it doesn't matter what I think. I'm simply giving things to think about. So you can figure out with him what is in the true best interest of all your family.

Thanks for your advice, u are right, you are correct it what tou say. Our situation is a little bit different, the decision on FIFO being both our decision, I actually didnt make any of the decision at the time, perhaps why I sound a little bitter. It has definately been the right decision though. I dont resent him, and I know bad feelings etc are amplified when your away from family, friends etc. I just get annoyed that he does this, sometimes I dont go to things because its just easier not too. Thanks, you have put things into perspective for me.. cheers 😁

Hopefully you get an iPod for Christmas and some other dedicated devices... tablets, laptops, phones, etc for you and the kids so you and they can keep the lines of communication open properly in the case of a traveling partner/parent. Perhaps set up regular contact times for texts, calls and video chats.

Many people in such industries...airline, military etc. need to be clever about remote contact and of course their family who they are trying to contact as well. Keep in mind he's out there and would like to be able to get in touch and not have to hear about "oh sorry used my phone for the party soundtrack".

My partner works FIFO two weeks on two weeks off,

he text me again saying "you guys make me feel awesome, kids dont talk to me on phone, you dont text back, I dont know why Im doing this".

 

I didnt get message until later as I was hosting a xmas party and my.phone was being used for music.

Ok, so enough is enough do u think i would be asking for advice from total strangers if it wasnt something that is actually important?? u judgy ing , i joined this ... whatever this is, to find out how i cld handle this!! Let me tell u.. ... you know what how does you sound I came to this group for some ing advice I am no victim here I want it to save my relationship but you my friend a red judgy so off