Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Depression in relationship

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    5

    Depression in relationship

    Both my boyfriend and I have suffered with mental illnesses since before we met. it can up and down for both of us but I know he feels guilty that he can't help when I'm not feeling good so I try my best to stay happy so I'm in a better place to support him and not make him worse. I think he realised that and I promised to tell him when I'm not feeling good so I do. but I just suggest we watch a movie together so I can feel better. but you know when you hold things in and it builds up and at some point you just break down and cry. that happened a couple of days ago when I was with him but it just made him feel worse. he said he's sorry but he doesn't think he can cope with it, he 'can't be ed to deal with both of us' . I understand what he means but the way he said just made me close up even more. everytime i try to tell him its bad again he just blames himself and it ends up with me comforting him and rarely him conforting me. there's no way I can tell him how I'm feeling when it just makes him feel worse and I know it won't help either of us. I have no idea what to do and if anyone has some advice I would really appreciate it

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Location
    Boston, MA
    Age
    63
    Posts
    4,747
    Gender
    Male
    Well, the problem is that a depressed person can make a non-depressed person depressed. So I can just imagine what it's like when two depressed people are depressed at the same time. There's no support system there. I just don't see there's much you can do. You need support to and you're not getting it from your boyfriend.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    5
    Yeah i really feel like there is nothing to do, I want us to be better at communicating in a positive but idk how to get there yet

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,795
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. The best thing both of you could do is see a physician for a complete physical and get and evaluation, treatment and follow up. Also both of you should get support form therapists. Your bf made an excellent point that he can't continuously be a cheerleader for you when he's dealing with his own stuff.

    This would take some of the burden off both of you to attempt to keep propping each other up so you could both focus on getting healthy rather than trying to fix and overburdening each other this much.
    Originally Posted by cherioki
    I just suggest we watch a movie together so I can feel better. but you know when you hold things in and it builds up and at some point you just break down and cry. he said he's sorry but he doesn't think he can cope with it, he 'can't be ed to deal with both of us' .

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,301
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by cherioki
    Yeah i really feel like there is nothing to do, I want us to be better at communicating in a positive but idk how to get there yet
    Are either of you in counseling to help you to overcome your depression? If not, why not? A professional is there to help you, your partner, particularly one that is also depressed is no one you should be counting on for support. Supporting you in your recovery with the help of a psychologist and (perhaps) proper meds is one thing... Expecting a loved one to support you through your depression as a lifestyle is quite another.

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    5
    I just finished a round of counselling and on meds. he tried therapy and meds but said he didn't like it and stopped both. it's just difficult I've been trying so hard for so long to get better and I don't want it to hurt him. obviously I'll keep trying but who knows

  8. 12-07-2018, 04:24 PM
    Reason
    Duplicate

  9. #7

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    5
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Are either of you in counseling to help you to overcome your depression? If not, why not? A professional is there to help you, your partner, particularly one that is also depressed is no one you should be counting on for support. Supporting you in your recovery with the help of a psychologist and (perhaps) proper meds is one thing... Expecting a loved one to support you through your depression as a lifestyle is quite another.

    I've had two rounds of counselling, currently on meds and see my gp every week. I'm not expecting him to support me at all, I have done everything outside of the relationship to get help.

    I guess the problem is that I've tried so hard to hide how I'm feeling from him by letting it out to other people, and that obviously creates it's own barrier in a relationship.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,301
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by cherioki
    I've had two rounds of counselling, currently on meds and see my gp every week. I'm not expecting him to support me at all, I have done everything outside of the relationship to get help.

    I guess the problem is that I've tried so hard to hide how I'm feeling from him by letting it out to other people, and that obviously creates it's own barrier in a relationship.
    Why do you stay with him? You're not getting your needs met and he's not interested in getting help for his own depression. You are at least bright enough to get the help you need but he's just keeping you stagnated and bringing you down. Don't you think you'd be better off away from him just concentrate on getting yourself well? He's a lost cause really if he won't even get the help he needs and stick with it.
    His indifference and apathy will not improve no matter how much YOU put into a relationship where only one of you are trying.

    Sorry, I know you don't want to hear any of that but it is what it is.

  11. #9

    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    5
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Why do you stay with him? You're not getting your needs met and he's not interested in getting help for his own depression. You are at least bright enough to get the help you need but he's just keeping you stagnated and bringing you down. Don't you think you'd be better off away from him just concentrate on getting yourself well? He's a lost cause really if he won't even get the help he needs and stick with it.
    His indifference and apathy will not improve no matter how much YOU put into a relationship where only one of you are trying.

    Sorry, I know you don't want to hear any of that but it is what it is.
    No it's okay, I understand where you're coming from and I've thought about that too. And thank you for your advice.
    I definitely care about him but I know I could probably use time to focus on myself.
    I'm quite reserved so if I know someone is struggling I won't burden them with my problems. and I know that could potentially break down my communication with him?

  12. #10
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    213
    Yeah, I think this man isn't meeting your emotional needs--depressed or not. You're depressed, yet still do your best to support him. He doesn't sound like he's willing to put in the small effort it would take to keep you, nor is he willing to do anything to change his own circumstances. I'm not convinced that this would change even if his mental health improved.

    The worst part, though, is that you feel pressure to be miss susie sunshine. He's not going to find this in any girl, it's an unrealistic expectation. Note to self: no one will ever be happy 100% of the time and they shouldn't fear being shamed or having their relationship go in the crapper if they display the full range of human emotion occasionally.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •