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Thread: Anyone else feel this way?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    That makes sense. No need to take a hard line.

    K and I had a massive fight a couple days ago. Long story, but some unrelated old issues are coming to a head. I don't think we'll make it through 2019, just a feeling. Whatever, I'm supposed to be sad but I don't feel anything inside, just numb. 3 years down the drain I guess.

    I've had past relationships circle the drain before and I always felt "well, it's fine. I can leave. There is someone better." I don't feel this way this time. I feel "this is fine. I can leave. I don't care if I'm alone or not."

    Therapy has really helped me a lot. I see now that I can go about this alone. Keep in mind that I have no friends I can confide in and that I'm very isolated so that being with a SO is hard for me, I have no real support systems. Prior to K, I would go for WEEKS without human contact outside of my job (and I have no friends at my job). But with a weekly therapist visit (at $100/hour, but hey I can swing it now), maybe I'll be OK. Hell, I know I'll be Ok.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I'm having a hard time just now... It's Christmas day and I had a good time earlier but one of my friends (well, mutual friend technically with my bf) just got engaged. My phone and Ks phone started blowing up with texts. This couple has been together for a year.

    I grit my teeth because I was already anticipating some "Aww man" sentiments on my bfs part. Well, I was right. He feels kind of bad that this couple got hitched just about a year after meeting and dating and here we are, and I won't budge.

    Just frustrated. But I won't budge.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Why no friends, Fudgie?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I should have clarified.. I do have friends, but no one that I can confide in, not with stuff like this, or with stuff at my job. It sucks. I met a few friends when I went back to school, hell, I still go out with them but I don't confide in them. I don't trust either of them and both of them have demonstrated "mean girl" tendencies, although not much toward me because I play cards close to my chest.

    I am well liked at work and I'm on my 2nd job in my life (I was at my last, and first, job for years) but despite longetivity, I don't make friends at work. I am a very different person at work. Nice, polite, friendly, calm, and small talk... but it's very surface level. I've seen drama blow up at work with other people over the years and it's taught me to keep my card close to my chest and my mouth shut.

    I don't know, if I can be honest, ever since I turned 18, life has been kind of lonely. Overall life is better as an adult but it's a hell of a lot lonelier and I hate cleaning.

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  6. #15
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    Two barely there friends is still very very minimal..? Maybe you could join some clubs or try meetup or something.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    I am a part of two different Meetup groups and I go semi regularly. Both have to do with hobbies I partake in. I have gone both with and without my partner. I have fun and gotten to know some "regulars" but again, it's all surface level. Our relations center on our mutual hobby and that's it. I wouldn't consider them friends, and I'm sure they say the same of me.

    I'm still not sure if I'm bothered/worried about me being this way. I think as I age, it will be become more of a problem. Other than my therapist and SO, I don't really open up.

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