Advice Escaping My Ex's Friend-Zone

I am in the friend-zone of a girl who I briefly dated, but I have never been more confident of anyone being my match. First of all, you need some context.

I am 17, however, I have always been told I'm an old soul. So there's this girl I met almost 2 months ago over social media who goes to another school that's close-by who is absolutely amazing. We share the same sense of humor, sports, taste in 70's music and 80's movies, leisure activities, religious views, political views, moral codes, straight A's, and not to mention the fact she is drop-dead gorgeous and is my same height of 6ft. I went on two dates with her. We really hit it off on the second date and I wanted to kiss her, but feared it was too soon. So I planned to kiss her on the next date which was supposed to take place in two days from then, but that never happened because she became busy with family obligations and sports for the next 3 weeks. We talked every day though, but it wasn't enough.

Yesterday, she texted me that she had started to like me more as a friend than a boyfriend. I was calm in my response when I said I understood, but that if maybe we went out again this weekend when she's finally free, we could rekindle our connection. It was worth a shot, right? Well, she responded thanking me for understanding, but that she really just wanted to be friends. So I thanked her for being honest, instead of reminding her that we had a connection that was only snuffed out by unfortunate timing. It isn't either of our faults, it's just bad circumstances.

She has showed intentions of being friends in keeping me on her close friends list on various social media and sending Snapchat streaks, but neither of us have texted or called each other yet since the Friend-zoning took place. I am confident I can re-attract her if I can hang out with her through our "friendship". I just need some advice as to how to start talking to her again and eventually get her to hang out. I have a fairly large selection of girls, but she is one in a million.

Well, I'm not confident you can win her back, and she's not confident you can win her back.

Look, back in my youth, I spent about two years answering personal ads and going on blind dates. I had a couple of girls who saw me and just excused themselves and walked away without talking to me. A couple of others I met for coffee just basically said "no." To be fair, there were a couple of girls who were interested in me, but they were too young or too annoying.

Now I didn't think I was ugly or creepy. But I just didn't ring their bell. And I think the same is true in your situation. She just didn't "feel it" with you. Nothing personal, and certainly it's difficult for a tall girl to find someone else who's tall, but she felt you're not it.

But, hey, you can try after the holidays. Invite her out again and see if you can grow on her. But don't force it and if it doesn't happen, then just accept it and move on.

This girl has told you she isn't interested. She hasn't "friend zoned" you, she simply rejected your romantic advances.

If you don't want to be only friends, that's fine. Totally reasonable if you were only interested in her romantically, but please please please don't continue to be her friend in the hopes of persuading her or changing her mind.

She gave you an answer. She said no. She meant no. It wasn't a hint for you to try harder. Doing so will only mean that you don't have any respect for her or the answer she gave you.

She's not interested. Move on. Don't be that pushy guy who fakes a friendship because he wants more especially after he's been told no. It's creepy.

Read “the rational male” so you can better understand real gender dynamics.

It’s not a matter of re-attracting her, OP. She was never attracted to you like that to begin with. She went out a couple times to see if she felt something, and unfortunately she didnt.

She’s trying to let you down gently, man. It sucks but she’s not into you.

I’m curious why you refer to her as your ex in the title of this thread, though. She’s not your ex, unless I’ve missed something.

I am in the friend-zone of a girl who I briefly dated, but I have never been more confident of anyone being my match. First of all, you need some context.

 

I am 17, however, I have always been told I'm an old soul. So there's this girl I met almost 2 months ago over social media who goes to another school that's close-by who is absolutely amazing. We share the same sense of humor, sports, taste in 70's music and 80's movies, leisure activities, religious views, political views, moral codes, straight A's, and not to mention the fact she is drop-dead gorgeous and is my same height of 6ft. I went on two dates with her. We really hit it off on the second date and I wanted to kiss her, but feared it was too soon. So I planned to kiss her on the next date which was supposed to take place in two days from then, but that never happened because she became busy with family obligations and sports for the next 3 weeks. We talked every day though, but it wasn't enough.

 

Yesterday, she texted me that she had started to like me more as a friend than a boyfriend. I was calm in my response when I said I understood, but that if maybe we went out again this weekend when she's finally free, we could rekindle our connection. It was worth a shot, right? Well, she responded thanking me for understanding, but that she really just wanted to be friends. So I thanked her for being honest, instead of reminding her that we had a connection that was only snuffed out by unfortunate timing. It isn't either of our faults, it's just bad circumstances.

 

She has showed intentions of being friends in keeping me on her close friends list on various social media and sending Snapchat streaks, but neither of us have texted or called each other yet since the Friend-zoning took place. I am confident I can re-attract her if I can hang out with her through our "friendship". I just need some advice as to how to start talking to her again and eventually get her to hang out. I have a fairly large selection of girls, but she is one in a million.

Sounds like instead of asking her out on a date when the 3 week busy period was up, you became her "text buddy". To me, your best approach would have been to have chosen a day after the crazy 3 weeks and invited her to something she likes to do. and tell her you will call X day and firm up the plan. That's my take. I would say to her "i have lots of friends. I am looking for someone to date." Unless, of course, you want to just be her text pal - if you want to meet someone to date, move on.

Well, there is a great deal more to the story than I included in the post. I kept it brief so that more people would read it. Perhaps in doing so, I didn't convey the situation properly. I refer to her as my ex because she refers to me as such. We saw each other at water polo games every week, but that's not the best environment to foster a relationship. We did almost kiss when I took her sailing on our second date, but in true Hollywood film fashion, the moment was interrupted and ruined by an obnoxious lifeguard buddy of mine who happened to be on duty at the time. We really had a connection. Heck, she even told me that she felt a connection too. In our postmortem conversation, she agreed with me that time apart had broken our bond before it was strong enough to be tested like that. I shut off contact with her for 48 hours and did an evaluation of what my options were. I took a different approach in re-establishing contact with her. I speak to her once a day for a few minutes, but every 2-3 days, I will skip a day of speaking to her just to keep her on her toes. When I do speak to her though, I make her laugh a lot and go for quality conversations. Now, I also am receiving mixed messages from her in which my friends (both male and female) believe to be an indication she (for whatever reason that is unclear to us) is interested again and might have been testing me just to see if I was just another guy attempting to get into her pants (which I'm not). I'm wondering if it would be worth asking if she is interested/available to hang out over Christmas break and see what that leads to. I'm fine with being friends with her since we're obviously compatible based off of what I've said previously, however, if she is interested again, it would be a shame to pass up that opportunity. I remain respectful.

Have you tried not playing games to "keep her on her toes". That is a more mature effective approach than whatever Pick Up Artist sites you got these awful techniques from. Inexperienced guys or guys who lack confidence often do this type of thing to over compensate.

I refer to her as my ex because she refers to me as such. We saw each other at water polo games every week, but that's not the best environment to foster a relationship.

I still think this is very strange considering you have never even kissed.

Anyway, I don't believe she's trying to test you. Respect her word that she doesn't see you as more than a friend. Nothing is more annoying than a guy not believing us when we tell him we don't want something more. If she has a change of heart, she knows where to find you. Otherwise, you might wind up being that buddy who orbits hopefully and gets terribly hurt when she does start dating someone else.

I would take a huge step back and see if she takes the initiative to reach out. This is really the only way you will be able to see if she was being honest that she just wants to be friends, or if she only responds to you to be polite and friendly.

Thank you all for your insight, however, I took the suicidal leap of asking her out again... and she said yes. Girls are complicated. Everyone told me not to ask, but it proved to work out. I do have to say I'm extremely disappointed in the negativity of many of your responses. I believe that some of you have good advice to give, but others tried to group me in with people who lack of confidence and watch videos from the "Women with headphones" guy, Dan Bacon. That is not the case seeing as how it takes an extreme amount of courage and confidence to pursue someone after a previous rejection. It's not weird if you take a different approach and it works. God bless

Thank you all for your insight, however, I took the suicidal leap of asking her out again... and she said yes. Girls are complicated. Everyone told me not to ask, but it proved to work out. I do have to say I'm extremely disappointed in the negativity of many of your responses. I believe that some of you have good advice to give, but others tried to group me in with people who lack of confidence and watch videos from the "Women with headphones" guy, Dan Bacon. That is not the case seeing as how it takes an extreme amount of courage and confidence to pursue someone after a previous rejection. It's not weird if you take a different approach and it works. God bless

Did she agree to go out on a romantic date or a hang out?

Youre 17 so I get the petty coming back to spite naysayers, but be sure you arent setting yourself up for a hard fall if shes looking at this differently than you are.

As a grown adult woman I can tell you, if I say I don't see you as a romantic interest and you keep pushing anyways, youre going to lose any respect I have for you. Period.

The mindset you have that you, ''know better'' than a woman does is a slippery slope mister.

She agreed to a romantic date. We went out last night for about 4 hours and it went great!

I asked her why she was interested again, and she said that she felt a change in my attitude that she liked. Something about me appearing more confident and less insecure when I spoke to her made all the difference. We had all the right things going for us originally what with all similar interests, but the thing that turned her off was that I acted like all the other "nice guys" around her in that I always played it safe when talking to her and would usually act neutral. You know, those annoying guys that exude the vibe of "oh my god I'd be so lucky just to go out with you" kind of thing.

I took a new approach in that I made sure to display a sizable amount of confidence (without being cocky) in how I acted and spoke to her. Now instead of being neutral when I speak to her and worshiping the ground she walks on, I show my opinions a little more and even make some jokes out of it. I use playful sarcasm to my advantage and create an environment where she knows that not only am I good enough for her, but she feels she even has to impress me a little bit (I'm already impressed with her, but hey, it works). She's now laughing at everything I say now and more than interested again. Most importantly in all of this, I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not just to impress her. I'm still the nice guy, I just changed my approach in how I hold myself and added a bit of an interesting edge over this last week.

Also, I'm proud to say that on that date last night, I did what I should have done a month ago when we last went on a true date. I finally looked her in the eyes, told her how beautiful she is, and then kissed her :)

I am in the friend-zone of a girl who I briefly dated, but I have never been more confident of anyone being my match. First of all, you need some context.

 

I am 17, however, I have always been told I'm an old soul. So there's this girl I met almost 2 months ago over social media who goes to another school that's close-by who is absolutely amazing. We share the same sense of humor, sports, taste in 70's music and 80's movies, leisure activities, religious views, political views, moral codes, straight A's, and not to mention the fact she is drop-dead gorgeous and is my same height of 6ft. I went on two dates with her. We really hit it off on the second date and I wanted to kiss her, but feared it was too soon. So I planned to kiss her on the next date which was supposed to take place in two days from then, but that never happened because she became busy with family obligations and sports for the next 3 weeks. We talked every day though, but it wasn't enough.

 

Yesterday, she texted me that she had started to like me more as a friend than a boyfriend. I was calm in my response when I said I understood, but that if maybe we went out again this weekend when she's finally free, we could rekindle our connection. It was worth a shot, right? Well, she responded thanking me for understanding, but that she really just wanted to be friends. So I thanked her for being honest, instead of reminding her that we had a connection that was only snuffed out by unfortunate timing. It isn't either of our faults, it's just bad circumstances.

 

She has showed intentions of being friends in keeping me on her close friends list on various social media and sending Snapchat streaks, but neither of us have texted or called each other yet since the Friend-zoning took place. I am confident I can re-attract her if I can hang out with her through our "friendship". I just need some advice as to how to start talking to her again and eventually get her to hang out. I have a fairly large selection of girls, but she is one in a million.