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Thread: Need Some Advice Please

  1. #1

    Need Some Advice Please

    Hello I am 25 years old and I am in 5 year relationship with my boyfriend who is also 25. Iím currently in grad school getting my masters (currently have 2 degrees getting my masters will be my 3rd degree) and work part time and recently open my own business. My boyfriend currently is not working or in school drop out of a semester havenít been in school for the past 4 years but he do music. And have been juggling with jobs for 3 or 4 years. He hasnít been able to stay with a job for no more than 6 months. The last stable job he had was probably 3 years ago I really donít remember. We donít go on date at all out of the whole 5 years we been together I can say we only been 5 or 10 dates. And when we do Iím the one thatís always paying. Heíll pay when he can but majority of the time Iím the one paying. He says the reason why he donít want to go on dates because he is stressed from not having a job and his parents and how they antagonize him about not having a job and how his life is stressful. Which I understand but I always telling him, it shouldnít allow him not to have a good time with me. Which is why I stop asking him to go out cause I already know what heíll say (I donít have money or donít want to be around people). Every year since we been together, for his birthday and Christmas I always get him gifts to show him how much I care and love. I know he doesnít have money but I feel like he doesnít put in the same effort Iím materialistic but I would like to feel appreciated. We donít celebrate Valentineís Day cause I donít expect any gift from him every year. He do say heíll try and see if he come up try but that doesnít go through. Whenever I visit him or he picks me up all we do at his house is chill in his room (Netflix and chill in a sense). He says since heís unable to get me stuff or do things with me all he can offer is sex (which in my opinion is not what I want only in a relationship). He always saying he wants to go back to school but doesnít know what steps he need to take. I helped him with the process off school application and financial aid.

    All he has to do was to send off his documents from his old college and high school to the school he wants to attend. Iíve constantly been reminding him to send off his documents but he either forget or around that time he was working but he has to give his parent his paycheck for rent, semester has already began I tell him since you couldnít attend fall youíll have to attend spring. The deadline is approaching and I have reminded him but he says he have to find a way to get around. Currently he doesnít have a car anymore because it doesnít work. He uses his mother car to get around but his mother donít want him using her car. I had a car but recently gotten into a accident and my car got totaled. I am in the process of getting another car. Ever since this year started we have constantly been having arguments. We never argue before, we have our disagreement on things but us yelling at each other and calling out of my name is a first we ever experience. He recently lost his job in August and he is looking for another job. But he says he doesnít like working under another person. Iím always telling him if thatís not what you want to do than whatís do he wants to do. He says he wants to maybe open his own business. But he doesnít know what he wants to do. He says he recently gotten a job at his sister job will be starting soon. On his spare time he either doing his music, watching anime, playing computer games, watching tv, working out or smoking weed. I feel like my life right now is going good and heís not at a level where I think he should. He always say he wants kids but he knows at this time it is not the right time for us. And we want to get a place together but I feel like he needs to get his life situated before we can move in together. I currently live with 4 roommates in a apartment. I really do love him very much and always say I donít see myself with anyone but him but I donít know what to do. Any advice? Thank you.

  2. #2
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    Well, a short piece of advice is you should wake up and smell the roses. This guy is a loser and you've been buying what he's been selling. You're a smart girl, but sometimes smart women make stupid mistakes, and I think you've realized this. Dump this guy and move on with your life.

  3. #3
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    This guy is a loser! You need to drop the dead weight!

    Why do you expect so little for yourself? Your self worth is very low.

    Bottom line: he is a loser and will always be one. Find a guy that can pay his own way and has some ambition.

    Why can't he keep a job?

  4. #4
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    Stop reminding him about school. You are not his mother. He is an adult and does not want to go.

    He wants to live at mommy and daddy's house forever.

    I cannot understand how you have allowed this all of these years. Hanging out in his bedroom and watching movies and having sex. Unbelievable.

    He will not change, nor does he want to.

    How does he pay for the weed?

    What in the world do you love about him? He has zero good qualities. How can you have any respect for him? Terrible father material
    Last edited by Hollyj; 12-07-2018 at 09:46 PM.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Stop reminding him about school. You are not his mother. He is an adult and does not want to go.

    He wants to live at mommy and daddy's house forever.

    I cannot understand how you have allowed this all of these years. Hanging out in his bedroom and watching movies and having sex. Unbelievable.

    He will not change, nor does he want to.

    How does he pay for the weed?

    What in the world do you love about him? He has zero good qualities.
    I bet he is a good person and has a really good heart.

    OP, this is how your life with him will be. Forever. Are you OK with that?

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I bet he is a good person and has a really good heart.

    OP, this is how your life with him will be. Forever. Are you OK with that?
    Yup! Good hearts don't pay the bills or raise families.

    OP, if he wanted to make a life wife you he would have gotten off his azz a long time ago. Unfortunately, he does not care enough about you, or himself .

    I just do not understand why you would have allowed a situation like this. This guy is a man child and very happy with his nothing weed smoking existence- he has money for weed, but no money to go out on a date..

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is a lazy thoughtless jerk. You can not fix or change him. Does he live with his parents? Why are you putting up with his bad treatment and lame excuses? You are wasting your time with him. You are pushing and pushing for commitment, kids, living together, etc and all he wants to do is smoke weed and play video games.

    You need to end it and find someone more compatible and who has the same ambitions and goals that you do. You can not fix or change him, so you are just going in circles talking yet putting up with horrible behavior from him.
    Originally Posted by Saraprincess
    he is stressed from not having a job and his parents and how they antagonize him about not having a job and how his life is stressful.

    Whenever I visit him or he picks me up all we do at his house is chill in his room (Netflix and chill in a sense).

    He says since heís unable to get me stuff or do things with me all he can offer is sex

    On his spare time he either doing his music, watching anime, playing computer games, watching tv, working out or smoking weed.


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