How have you evolved since your BU and what have you attempted to change?

Hello everyone,

1st time poster but long time lurker. Recently I decided to make an account to interact a bit more with the community.

It has been a bit more than 2 months since my boyfriend o 2 years left me; he has done so on the 27th of September and my life has been hell since. I was shocked of course but managed not to beg or plead, though I wanted to badly. I accepted his wish, I could do so "calmly" as he only sent me a text one morning, while I was at work. It was out of the blue, he never said anything about being unhappy or anything of the like with our relationship so I took it very badly. I thought we had a great partnership; based on love and loyalty. I really do love this man, but I suppose it might have been one sided. His reason was that he is no longer in love with me, does not feel as he should be but he does not really know. That he is "empty" and doesn't feel it is fair to me, since he knows how much I care about him.

Since we have met once around the 17th of October to exchange items, and I cried a bit but made sure he knew I did not want him to feel bad about it.

In order to respect his wish to break up, I have not contacted him (except for the one time a week after the 17th to say my goodbye and he returned the message equally politely) and kept my distance. I tried to keep busy since to avoid temptation.

This is what I am doing at the moment, to keep busy:

- After laying in bed for a whole month I finally got up and started going to my Masters' classes in College,

- I am doing my drivers' license since November,

- I made an appointment at a therapists', since my mental health has suffered a great blow and I also wanted to improve as a person,

- I have sent several job applications to hopefully get an interview soon,

- Decreased bad food and went to the gym. I am struggling a bit with this since I have social anxiety and I suspect I might have become depressed since the BU

- I applied for several extra-curricular courses in my spare time to fill the gaps in December, so I am busy at all times, as much as possible.

- I am saving to buy and finally learn how to play guitar.

I am struggling a lot though and would love some input from you guys:What have you changed about yourself/ improved since your BU? If you don't mind also adding time stamps if you remember? Is there anything you attempted to change but has either failed or is still in progress?

I would love to get some new ideas or something to add to my to-do list. If you would like, posting later also the progress of your attempts, so we all can help and encourage each other or give advice.

Thank you and have a nice day everyone

A little over 3 months post break up here of nearly 4 years. What I improved is my diet and fitness. While I regularly worked out and was healthy during my relationship, it has been very easy for me to limit my junk food intake without another person brining this food in my apartment. I took on more of a bodybuilding fitness routine one month post BU, and now have noticebly more defined abs and arms so far, as well as a great improvement in my indoor bouldering/rock climbing skills that even my friends have noticed. I also improved my style with new clothes (during black friday) and learned how to curl my hair into beachy waves. However, they fail to hold for long so I will be trying to find a good hair spray that doesn't make my hair crunchy.

On the work in progress side, I picked up old hobbies I used to enjoy before like art (pastels - 2 weeks ago) and niche reading material (manga - 1 month post BU), then there's meeting new people to hangout with (within 1 month post BU) and visiting new places with friends/family (~2 months post BU).

I'm glad you've made so many positive changes soon after your break, keep up the great work!

A little over 3 months post break up here of nearly 4 years. What I improved is my diet and fitness. While I regularly worked out and was healthy during my relationship, it has been very easy for me to limit my junk food intake without another person brining this food in my apartment. I took on more of a bodybuilding fitness routine one month post BU, and now have noticebly more defined abs and arms so far, as well as a great improvement in my indoor bouldering/rock climbing skills that even my friends have noticed. I also improved my style with new clothes (during black friday) and learned how to curl my hair into beachy waves. However, they fail to hold for long so I will be trying to find a good hair spray that doesn't make my hair crunchy.

 

On the work in progress side, I picked up old hobbies I used to enjoy before like art (pastels - 2 weeks ago) and niche reading material (manga - 1 month post BU), then there's meeting new people to hangout with (within 1 month post BU) and visiting new places with friends/family (~2 months post BU).

 

I'm glad you've made so many positive changes soon after your break, keep up the great work!

Amazing! That sounds like you did a great deal since the BU Yatsue. I hope my gym rutine will soon bear the first fruits as well.

May I suggest sleeping in braids after you wash your hair? It has helped mine greatly when I want them to stay curled. I also have very long hair and it is heavy, yet it still holds the curl well. Maybe try some mousse that does not dry crunchy?

I love manga too; which ones do you like to read? Currently I am re-reading some nice old fashioned Dragon Ball, maybe I will go into some Shigurui soon.

Pastels are great yeah, love those too. I also use Acrylics when I want my colours to remain extra vibrant :)

How have you been feeling whilst meeting new people? I found it makes me anxious and I feel weird, since I am starting a life he knows nothing about, sometimes it makes me feel lonely. I have been taking myself out though, to concerts and dinners, feels good to pamper myself a bit :)

Thank you! You have done so much since your BU too, keeping my fingers crossed for you to remain as successful.

3 months post break up here.

1 week after: Bought my first dog.

2nd week: Bought electric drums and stared to learn my first instrument

1 month: Started a new sport, Muay Thai

1-2months: Started to slowly change my wardrobe

1-2months: started to look for possible investments (saved a lot for our wedding and future)

———————————————

Mentioned above were changes that helped me focus my energy/thoughts away from my ex. But real change and improvements happen from within. With no time stamps, here are the changes and improvements i conciously made.

1. Spend more time with family and friends.

2. Spent more time with my religion/meditation

3. Started focus on the small/simple joys of life.

4. Accepted that I am not the center of the universe. Life was never fair to begin with.

5. Startwd to understand that real happiness is not obtained through external achievements (relationships, money, physique, dogs etc.)

6. Became more open to people and build connection (deep or shallow)

7. Learned to forgive myself and others.

8. Respecting the importance of sleep, diet and exercise.

9. Practiced self control (stopped social media stalking 2+ weeks now :) )

10. Learned that I am the only one who can truly push me to move on. Time alone does not heal but what you do with it.

And a whole lot more.

Starting to forget about her and the feeling of pain. Feels wierd and kind of sad/empty.

Good luck to all. I know it’s hard but with effort, we will see brighter days. :)

Sounds like you are doing really great. Good you are back at your masters. No man is worth getting in the way of your degree!

The driving and job stuff again all really great. You should be really proud of yourself.

One of my friends post break up. Lost her job and was stuck at home getting more and more depressed. So getting out that cycle and getting back out there is something to be very proud of. My friend regrets how she dealt with her break up.

Also the therapy is a lovely thing too. That friend I mentioned got into therapy and pulled herself out of that state. Always good to look after your mental health.

After my worst breakup. I started going out with friends a lot more. Felt free as my ex hated me being out!

I know it's cliche but I got my hair cut to a when new style. Felt like a new girl. My best friend dragged me to a photo shoot too. I felt beautiful after. Which is something you need to remind d yourself is that you are beautiful after a breakup.

My break-up food is celery and yogurt so I was fortunate with that. But also tried eating better portions of real food.

Falling asleep was a massive issue for me at first. I would have a hot bath with lavender before bed. That helped. As I began to move on I began to sleep better.

Also talking to friends and family helps. Not even about the breakup. Just about other things and having jokes and being positive.

The best thing for healing was getting rid of all his stuff. That's something good for you to do when you are ready. Surprisly really helped.

Good luck and you seem to be on track!

 

1 week after: Bought my first dog.

Next break up I face - I think this will be all I need to get me through :)

Right after my long term relationship ended I joined a church and got back into my Faith. My ex is an Aethiest and constantly challenged my beliefs. Whenever I mentioned going to church he got mad. In hindsight I just should have went alone anyway.

Oh and I dropped 50 pounds after the breakup. I have much more to lose! It was just good to lose the first fifty.

Great Thread idea OP. Fantastic to see you're making the most of this time to focus on so many attributes that will develop you as a person. You'll be all the better for it.

I'm a mere 17 days post break up & NC of what was 8 month relationship. Things I've tried to focus on - saying YES to more things and be open to new opportunities in whatever form that takes.

1) Started meditating every morning - have found this sense of mindfulness has really helped keep negative thoughts at bay.

2) Started training for another marathon / HIIT work outs.

3) Logged out of my social media - which has really made me question my need for it.

4) Booked to see a Reiki Healer (on the recommendation of family) - I'm a complete sceptic but I promised myself I'd go in with an open mind (as item 1)

5) Spent more time and importantly made more effort to see friends - some of which are going through life changing events that put my BU into perspective.

6) Volunteering in a local National Park - giving back is rewarding. This I keep to myself.

7) Going to sport events alone and meeting like minded people. Yes, it's not ideal but it got me out of the house and allowed me follow the sport I enjoy.

8) Reading more / audio books / podcasts - continuing to improve / learn when on commuting to my job. Russel Brand's "Recover" was of real interest.

9) Accepting the fact that I can't worry about things outside of my control. Not just my ex and her situation, but anything - be that the political climate, a work problem, a poor sporting result. Focusing on me and what I can manage is key to my long term improvement.

10) In the process of signing up to a MasterClass in creative writing / economic understanding. Varied I know.

Keep up the good work, it's amazing what options you have available when you actively look to better yourself. You've done so much already and i'm sure there is plenty more to come. Best of Luck!

oh gawd yeah... every single time! This is why i'm so accomplished and have achieved so much in life ---- TONS of breakups :)

Typically, and sadly, I tend to start doing things I've been meaning or curious to do but via the dynamics of the relationsihp was not able to. This could be altering my appearance (piercings, hair coloring, clothing, etc.) activities or hobbies (travel, etc.) whatever. When there are no longer any restrictions or anything holding you back from doing whatever you want whenever and how - it's natural to go after that once you're single.

It's too bad relationships limit us individually or many couples manage it that way.

Two year relationship ended back in August.

I became Unemployed which really didn’t help matters. Cabin fever set in. Became depressed. Struggle with daily routines and getting out of bed. I was in a rut for around two weeks. Had insomnia and couldn’t sleep which affected me more. Then I just started taking little steps. Just realising enough was enough. Finding things to keep my mind occupied was the most important thing. Even mundane task. Just writing them down and crossing them out.

Took a big leaped and jumped into something totally new

What have I been doing? ;

5 weeks after breakup - Started CrossFit, fitness/strength improving all the time. 6 weeks in. After my first session I could barely walk for two days. Now seeing a difference makes me feel better. Feel healthier. My sleep is returning to normal.

So like anything hard work, determination and you will get there

December- Have started hot yoga, only two sessions in but love it. So taxing on the body but not only do you sweat out all the toxic waste in your body, it’s also very mindful and can put you in a good place Mentally.

Have obtained my dream job ( although I don’t start until March ) so I’m happy doing any work currently as I know it isn’t forever. Being out of work really didn’t help my mental state as all I had to focus on was my breakup and my ex.

Novemver - I do voluntary work. Help out with my local wildlife trust, a wood recycling project who make furniture from the wood and do some work for charity.

Reconnect with old friends, and slowly starting to make some new friends from CrossFit. Boy being 31 and making new friends isn’t the easiest to do.

Have been trying to fill my weekends with fun things, comic cons, motorcycle festivals etc

Have cut alcohol out my diet completely. Gone totally clean on my food too ( I do have a cheat meal once a week or so ) just thought what’s the point in doing all the exercise and not changing my eating habits. I believe what you eat is a life style choice.

Just trying to remain positive. Thanks to support believe it or not from people on these forums I have learned to accept what’s happened. ( work in progress mind ) to reflect and look back but not dwell and most importantly look inside and figure out why I’m feeling like this? Reason usually sits deeper than just being dumped.

Everything is still a work in progress. Been NC for 10 days after breaking it ( thinking I was healed when not haha silly me )

Really good idea OP. Instead of focusing on the doom and gloom it’s nice to read the positives people have achieved from the breakups they have endured.

Wow, everyone has done so much since their BU, it's a great read.

It's horrible, how much everyone has suffered since their BUs but we have all managed to find something good coming from it. Does anyone have any goals they might want to start working on soon?

After reading your replies, I have decided to join a gym class; going by myself gives me too much time to think. I will do that starting next year.

Get an appointment at my hairdressers', changing a hair style is a great idea.

Insomnia is still a problem for me too, even with exercise and since I have quit my previous job (got the broken up text on my last day there) because it was too time consuming and paid too little, it was hard not to have too much free time. I found that my insomnia is lessened if I tell myself a story in my head; last time if was about my dogs. Also lessened him appearing in my dreams.

I will post again, when I manage to add something to my list :) I hope you will post too, when something good happens!

Meditation and yoga helped me with the sleep/insomnia. Have you ever tried it? Not only great exercise but it really can’t help the mind.

In particular hot yoga, totally knocks it out of you and you feel so much better after.

Kalms is also a natural herbal remedy to help you fall asleep.

As they are natural there is no worry about becoming dependant on them.

Good luck with the haircut :)

It helped me tonnes. My ex loved long hair. I went and chopped in a short bob. Felt like a new women after.

I also deal with insomnia, generally, and particularly insomnia induced by heartsickness. I'm going to use that as a jumping off point to answer some of your larger questions here.

Over the years, I've tried just about everything to "treat" it. I've taken Ambien. I've drank wine, refrained from drinking., Meditation, a preposterous amount of exercise. Yoga seven days a week has been a thing for me for 6 years. None of that really worked. I swear to you my heartache, during one chapter, completely negated the affects of Ambien. I remained wide awake, not even loopy.

What I found worked, a little over a year ago when I was in the throes of a devastating breakup, was to just acknowledge that there was a reason I was not sleeping. That, woo-woo as it may sound, my mind and body were demanding that I face something that I was trying to avoid facing—in that breakup and, more generally, in life.

And what was that, exactly? In my case, it was pain, loss, discomfort, confusion. It was deep, turbulent feelings that I'd probably avoided fully feeling for a lot of my life.

I don't mean to sound like a downer, and hope I don't. I've done all the things people do following breakups, and can tell some encouraging stories of triumph. I've lost weight, become absurdly fit. I've moved cities, traveled the world, had countless indelible experiences that turned dark into light. I've reread classic literature and gotten into classical music. I've gone to therapy, explored hobbies that had long interested me. I've poured myself into work. I've volunteered, reconnected with friends, made new friends. I've looked within, become humbler, more vulnerable. I've built, over the years, a wide and varied arsenal of finding balance and power when the winds blow at me hard.

All that helped.

I've also slept around, jumped from fling to fling, drank more than usual, gone down some dark paths, driven too fast on windy roads, swiped on dating apps when I had no business swiping on dating apps. I've wallowed. I've punched walls and broken a knuckle. I've spun wild, tragic, self-involved stories in my head in which I am the saddest human on the planet. And you know what? That helped too, in ways.

My last breakup was a big challenge for me, largely because I'd kind of (or so I felt) already done all things, healthy and unhealthy, in past breakups. I'd done self-destruction lite in my younger days. I'd pivoted to self-betterment, wellness this and that, introspection in my later days.

What I hadn't done, not really, is just learn to grieve. To just let go and let the scariest, sharpest feelings wash over me. That, for me, first occurred during sleepless nights. Not fun, no doubt. There was one night, in particular, that will always stand out. I'd been struggling to sleep for days. I tried listening to a podcast that often brings comfort to me, but I was so dazed that I couldn't follow it. I kept rewinding every 15 seconds, trying to pay attention, but the words blurred in my mind.

It was, frankly, a frightening moment for me. It felt like losing the thread, really, and I'm someone who prides himself on having a firm grip on the thread. It was also the moment where I had the thought of: listen to this, this feeling, what your body is trying to tell you. Can't quite explain it, but once I did the whole thing became less mysterious. And, bizarrely, I was able to sleep again, and can generally steer myself out of sleepless nights through this sort of surrender.

Most exciting, I found there was something genuinely cleansing about grieving like this. Total humility, an emptying out. Open heart, they encourage in yoga, something I'd listened to and repeated for years but never fully grasped. I emerged from that one not with abs of steel, two new hobbies, etc., but with a heart that had grown stronger by facing its wounds, which I think is the ultimate goal.

Anyhow, not sure that resonates, but figured I'd share. You're clearly on the right path, doing all the right things. Best of luck. Head high.

I haven't though of Yoga yet, it always seemed to "slow" for me, but I will definitely check it out now :)

Thank you JellyBean9 :) I will check out Kalms, for now I have only tried to drink Mint tea, and it helped a bit, or Chamomile tea. Mine does too, finds short hair "boyish" hahaha. Since I love my hair long, I might cut only a bit, but add layers. Haven't had that yet. Might look good. If not, it'll grow back eventually.

Very good points Bluecastle, I have tried facing my grief in many ways, but it is still too soon to see any proper emotional triumphs. I suppose it also needs to run its course. Thank you for your insight, I will take your advice to heart.

I fear I might have indulged in some bad habits of my own, like missing my classes and of course saying in bed, but it did help. I needed that phase of feeling sorry for myself.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. General activity always helps with getting good sleep. Going to the gym and taking some fitness classes is a great idea. Avoid quack remedies and stick with appropriate nontoxic relaxing teas etc.

I haven't though of Yoga yet, it always seemed to "slow" for me. I have only tried to drink Mint tea, and it helped a bit, or Chamomile tea. I fear I might have indulged in some bad habits of my own, like missing my classes and of course saying in bed, but it did help.

Amazing! That sounds like you did a great deal since the BU Yatsue. I hope my gym rutine will soon bear the first fruits as well.

May I suggest sleeping in braids after you wash your hair? It has helped mine greatly when I want them to stay curled. I also have very long hair and it is heavy, yet it still holds the curl well. Maybe try some mousse that does not dry crunchy?

 

I love manga too; which ones do you like to read? Currently I am re-reading some nice old fashioned Dragon Ball, maybe I will go into some Shigurui soon.

Pastels are great yeah, love those too. I also use Acrylics when I want my colours to remain extra vibrant :)

 

How have you been feeling whilst meeting new people? I found it makes me anxious and I feel weird, since I am starting a life he knows nothing about, sometimes it makes me feel lonely. I have been taking myself out though, to concerts and dinners, feels good to pamper myself a bit :)

 

Thank you! You have done so much since your BU too, keeping my fingers crossed for you to remain as successful.

Any regular exercise will produce changes in your body, with or without you noticing, so keep at it! You'll feel and look great. Thank you for your suggestion, I've tried leave in braids before and like the look, but my hair is just a bit too short for it now so I use hot tools. I did just find a spray that states on the bottle it doesn't leave a "crunchy" texture, so I'm excited to try it out.

I like to read horror/action. A couple I'm currently reading are Deadman Wonderland and Tokyo Ghoul. I used to watch Dragon Ball growing up with my brother, although Shigurui looks like a good read I'd like to check out! In regards to meeting new people, it comes naturally to me since I meet them through my hobbies or job. After my break up, I find it so much easier to converse with others because I don't have to watch what I say as much towards the opposite sex. However, I do still have to keep reminding myself I am single now and it is okay for me to do/accept some harmless flirting, excluding my work environment, now I am single.

In regards to goals, I have a few in mind for the near future. I am working on a certification, pertaining to my job, which will give me a raise and more marketablility. Ultimately, I want to move south in the States, where it is warmer. I absolutely hate the cold, especially where I live now. My work is international and I can move to a different location via a transfer, so looking into that. Once I do find a place and like it after about a year or so, I plan on buying a house. Next, would be to adopt a husky, as I've always wanted one since I was little.

I, too, had an out-of-the blue breakup several years ago.

At 2+ years, my then-boyfriend, with whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life, just.....left one night. Not a word. We never argued, got along great, had awesome regular sex, but he just left. A couple of weeks later, I emailed him, and he confirmed what I thought, that he was just.....done. Wanted out of the relationship. He wrote me a really nice response about how wonderful I am, blahbity blah, and like you, we did the stuff exchange, emotionless, and....into thin air he went.

In my case, it took me one year to fully recover. He ended things in Jan. 2012, and at Xmas time in 2012, one year later, I had an enormous crying/panic/depression attack that I thought I was going to have to go on medication. It was bad.

In the months following the breakup, I zombie'd through life. I'd walk around my house, opening closet doors, like a child, like.....is he in here? Where is he????

I did all the stuff: the yoga, the gym, the manicures, the trips.

None of it really helped, it just occupied my time.

Here's what did help: Connection to others. Friends. Talking about it, but not obsessing. I joined a "Divorce Recovery Group". It was a free group, and although mine technically wasn't a divorce, they welcomed me. I ended up seeing the therapist who ran the group privately, and that helped.

I chose to not obsess in front of others, to keep my grief private, as that's how I am.

When I did open up, honestly, I was surprised at the support I received by some, and disappointed in the lack of support I received by others. So just watch who you open up to. And even with those who are supportive, don't burden them by constantly bringing "him" up.

I know you're hurting. I'd be dishonest if I didn't say that mine still bothers me. Like, how did I miss the signs? But as far as the emotion, the tears, the upset....that's gone, and yours will be too. Hugs to you.

Thank you everyone who has posted so far, it has been a great experience to read them all and interact with you all. It has helped me greatly to read this forum's posts and everyone's experiences.

Any updates with anyone?

My life has not changed much, I am still recovering, it has been almost 5 months now. I am less anxious, panic less, I am depressed still but have days where I am fine. So I guess I am detoxing from the attachment slowly. I still have an impending feeling of romantic hopelessness looming haha. But some other updates are:

- I have finished my driving classes, but still need to finish the practical course.

- I have gained weight due to being too depressed to get out of bed the first month, and being too tired to properly work out, but I am losing weight now and jogging every night. So it is being fixed. Slowly, I can look at myself again without hating what I see.

- I went on a date with someone new and though I realized I was NOT ready for anything new, it was a pleasant, friendly experience.

- I have passed 3 of my college classes, 6 more to go.

- I have attended a huge local Convention as a volunteer to both socialize and gain experience.

- I have signed up for several extra classes and courses to keep busy and have signed up for Chinese classes.

What have you been up to? Anything new with you?

Keep up the good fight everyone and good luck! HUGS TO ALL

- Haven't found a job yet, but I have been to an interview and have sent out several applications, so I am hopeful.

I’m 6months into the heartbreak healing process, after a 6,5yr long relationship, which also ended “with no warning”.

The few things that helped, and still helps, I’m still waaay out on the rough sea here 🙄

- Writing. I’m writing a book, and even though I also was writing on it whilst I was together with my x, it’s one of the things that is ME. Just me. Not him at all. It’s a thing I’m good at.

- Talking to people in similar situations. My friends and family have been great, but it still felt like empty words when they sat there with their families and babies and weddings and happiness and told me I’d be ok. But when the same words came from other heartbroken people it felt real. Supporting others also helped me gain perspective.

- Being outside with my animals. Nothing beats sunshine, fresh air and a happy dog for therapy, it just doesn’t.

Other than that I don’t think I’ve changed. I bought an apartment though, that’s something. And a horse, so that’s kinda rekindling something. But mostly I used to feel energized and curious, always chasing happiness and fun, now I’m more flat I guess.

Yeah I get that feeling of flatness. Odd how often such BUs happen, wonder what is up with that.

It sounds like you have done a lot actually. Getting a horse and apartment sounds amazing. How is it to own a horse? Always loved riding them, majestic creatures.

Animals help a lot. I love my dogs but during this time I truly realized how lost I would be without them.

I also talked with friends who went through similar stuff, helps a lot to see you are in the same place. All my friends are happily coupled so it is hard.

Writing is a great skill to have. Having something untouched by the ex feels oddly clean xD

Yeah I get that feeling of flatness. Odd how often such BUs happen, wonder what is up with that.

 

It sounds like you have done a lot actually. Getting a horse and apartment sounds amazing. How is it to own a horse? Always loved riding them, majestic creatures.

 

Animals help a lot. I love my dogs but during this time I truly realized how lost I would be without them.

I also talked with friends who went through similar stuff, helps a lot to see you are in the same place. All my friends are happily coupled so it is hard.

 

Writing is a great skill to have. Having something untouched by the ex feels oddly clean xD

Yeah, I know. It's like beening in a surrealistic reality... I just never thought it could be like this, like the world I was part of just doesn't excist anymore... But it did a few months ago. I'm just not sure that we're really meant to have a lot of partners, but when one part in a relationship can just quit like this I feel a bit pessimistic about everything. Nothing I did or didn't do had any say in the outcome - he could close the door, and just walk away. It's a primal sort of blow, I don't know how anyone can say that "it's just a breakup". I've never felt so betrayed in my entire life!

Animals are awesome :) Having a horse is great fun, and a good way of staying fit too! :)

It's great to have something untouched by the x, but my biggest problem is that I feel like everything else is tainted by memories in a way. Down to the yoghurt I used to by for him while grocery shopping... It's exhausting!

Yes, I understand you completely!

I have had 2 partners in my 28 years of life, I cared about them both immensely. With the first I sat down several times, by the end I almost begged him to give us more of his time. To call me once a day or just send me a message, but he was always busy with something, so after doing that for 6 months, I broke up with him, explained he let me down repeatedly, that I was neglected and in general, he did not hold to his promises. I did not just leave, I fought for us, but he did not. He started to when I had already left, too little, too damn late.

With the second one, he just left, no warning, no talk, no previous mention about being unhappy with us. I felt shattered, broken, blindsided and above all, like you said, I felt betrayed in my trust. How could he just abandon me without any prior notice? Even after all the things I did for him, for us, what he promised me and all the things he said...

I understand completely how powerless you feel. I decided for both of you, like mine did. Gave you no chance, and just gave up. I too have been questioning, what is the point of opening up, getting to know someone, giving them your all if they can just leave so easily, and you are left broken, like you meant nothing and you are so easily replaceable. I have found dating too hard since, I don't trust anyone anymore or what they say. How can I be sure now of anything if my most trusted person, the one who knew me best decided I was not even worth a fight?

"Just a breakup," hhhaha. Only those who have never really lost can say that. Most have not been in love properly or have no problem exchanging people but I don't see why? I see all connections I have with others as meaningful, losing them hurts so deep. I guess they are lucky if they feel so shallow.

Nice I think I will have to visit some horses soon. We have a place close by.

I hear you... I can't listen to my favorite music because it brings back memories, and I cry or get depressed. I can't wear some clothes because I wore them to our special days. I can't bring myself to visit places we were having meaningful memories at, eat the food he liked, talk to the people he introduced me to because it all brings it back. It really IS so exhausting. I am tired all the time, but can't sleep well.

I fight with the idea, why was I not good enough? I treated him so well, I knew him better than anyone, and yet my best was not enough, I was not enough. It terrifies me, that I will never be enough for anyone, if my best is always sub-par.

Tried sending a PM, didn’t succeed, and didn’t manage to delete this post either 😂

I totally managed to get past PTSD and a long-term condition of depersonalization, recovering the personality I used to have before facing a lot of traumas in my life during the course of the relationship. I've greatly improved many of my other interpersonal skills as well, and I've massively improved my emotional and mental self-management.

I've greatly increased my self-esteem and senses of self-worth and self-respect, and feel much more confident in my ability to form, build, and maintain healthy relationships in the future.

I developed some new routines, habits, and interests that have been better for my health, and while I had lost a bunch of weight after my breakup, I've since regained about as much as I'd lost due to experiencing some traumas (although, once winter ends, I'll be able to return to my healthier habits and lose weight again!)

I've also got a pretty clear sense of what I want to do with my life going forward, whereas while I was with my ex, I was very conflicted about my opportunities because we were always unable to work out a life path for us together.