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Thread: He has a daughter....

  1. #1

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    He has a daughter....

    I need to just get this out there as I feel I canít speak to anyone.

    Iím with the most amazing man and we have been together about a year and a half. We both have a son each from previous marriages. We are now living together and have take time to have our families bond and itís been great.

    However about 3 months into our relationship he came to me and told me he was falling in love with me so needed to tell me something.

    He then told me that about 2 years before me he dated a girl from Romania who had been working in the uk. She fell pregnant and they stopped dating as he felt she was using him to get pregnant however she moved away without him knowing where. Once his daughter was born he found out she was still local and she agreed he could come say goodbye and see her before she went back to Romania.

    Heís told me that it feels like he doesnít have a daughter as he doesnít know her but feels itís important to tell me. His mum and dad know and have mentioned it to me before.

    Now itís his past and I realise that everyone has a past. I canít help feel that this Romanian girl might have misused the situation and taken advantage of him or heís not telling me how serious they were. But we are fine and this hasnít caused an issue. Iíve told him in the future we will need to be prepared that she comes to look for him but he says that this wonít happen.

    What a situation eh?? I mean he says that it doesnít affect him as he doesnít know her and they have never had contact.

    I suppose I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading xx

  2. #2
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    So he got her pregnant and dumped her? And he feels no connection or responsibility for his own child?

    Better hope you don't "fall pregnant".

  3. #3
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    Well, I must say that I'm a bit perplexed about this whole situation...I understand that the daughter is in another country, but all the same, why has your boyfriend taken no interest in even speaking to her? Did he end on bad terms with the Romanian ex? I just don't understand why he cares about his son (or doesn't, I don't know...?), but not about the daughter. With all the technology we have these days, he could easily talk to her on video camera and maybe sometimes send her letters or presents in the mail. I mean, I think it's great he told you and he wants to be honest. I'm not sure why but to me it seems like not a very good sign that he's happy just not to know his daughter at all. Also I'm not sure if he may be playing the situation down. It may not be that she "used" him but it was an accident. He's also to blame as he didn't use protection. I mean, you only know his side of the story. There may be more to it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He told you early on that he has a daughter out there. Whether he has a relationship with this child or her mother in the form of child contact/child support is between them. This is his responsibility, not yours. Whether he or the child eventually pursue a relationship is up to them and also does not affect you.

    Why are you concerned about this? It really doesn't matter how this child came about. Whether it was a one night stand, a former serious, casual, whatever relationship or whether it was planned or not.

    Why all the anxiety? It has nothing to do with you. He did not lie about having a child out there. You can create problems in your mind if you wish, but it seems he's been transparent about it and told you very early on so you could, with full disclosure, choose to go forward with him...or not.
    Originally Posted by Kb007
    However about 3 months into our relationship. Once his daughter was born he found out she was still local and she agreed he could come say goodbye and see her before she went back to Romania. or heís not telling me how serious they were.

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  6. #5
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    It is strange that he keeps in touch with his son but not his daughter, but you donít really know the whole story either. Personally it gives me a bad taste in my mouth when I hear that parents donít go out of their way to keep in touch with their kids who they may not be living with, but thatís just me.

  7. #6
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    I must be missing something.
    The mother and child arent in your life..and arent bothering you. So why do you care what her motives were?
    I would be more concerned about the man that isnt interested in his own kid. RED flag.

  8. #7
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    I've been in this situation.

    Years ago, I had a boyfriend who had a son from his marriage. One of his friends told me that he also had a daughter from another relationship. It transpired that the other relationship had lasted about six weeks, she had told him she couldn't get pregnant - but did. He, too, had ended the relationship other than to be present at the birth, and he gave her child support once the kid was born. I was rather put out that he hadn't told me himself, but it was very early days at the time and, in retrospect, I can see why he didn't.

    Did it have any effect whatsoever on our relationship? Not one tiny bit. His parents were delighted they had another grandchild, and the mother kept in regular contact with them. My partner saw the kid from time to time, but had no wish to build up a relationship with him. And the mother, who had desperately wanted a child but not necessarily a partner, now had one.

    It felt very weird at first, I must admit, and I had difficulty getting my head round it. But in time it just became one of those features of everyday life and I thought no more of it.

  9. #8
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    She fell pregnant
    OP come on now... she didn't just "fall" pregnant, your BF got this girl pregnant. It's very concerning that he (and you) would not only blame her for getting pregnant but also not take responsibility for his kid.

    It astounds me that this mentality still exists in today's world.

  10. #9

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    Thank you for your replyís. I donít think Iíve rxplained it very well.

    Your all right it shouldnít really concern me and it doesnít but now and again I think about it.

    My partner was married 6 years ago and had his son and we co- parent with his ex, like I do with mine. The boys get on great and heís a great dad to his son and mine. A few years after he separated from his wife he was dating and met this Romanian lady. They dated for a few months she fell pregnant and he stayed with her and tried to make it work but to his surprise she didnít want him and didnít want to stay in the uk.

    They argued a lot and she left without telling him. His sister traced her down once she was in hospital having the baby and she agreed to let the whole family meet her and said that she had no intention of co parenting with him and only wanted him to see her before she left for good.He wanted to send money and she refused this. She did not want him in there life. I think he really went through a bad time and struggled and his family told me he was down and no wonder to be honest.

    He has come to terms with this now and is at peace. I suppose sometimes Iím still trying to process this all. Iím the happiest Iíve ever been and our relationship is great maybe Iím secretly gutted that thereís a flaw in our foundations which is selfish I know!!! Xx

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is and so should you be.
    Originally Posted by Kb007
    He has come to terms with this now and is at peace.

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