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Thread: Girlfriend and I hit a rough patch

  1. #1

    Girlfriend and I hit a rough patch

    Hello everyone!

    I will try to make this short but my girlfriend and I of 7 months have hit a rough patch as of late. We have been arguing about minor as well as major things here and there but last week we almost ended it due to her stating I bring a lot of stress into her life because of how much I argue and complain. Thankfully we took a quick break from each other and realized that this relationships deserves a second chance as of right now we are okay we are both college students so maybe this could play a factor as to what I am going to talk about. Before this big fight last week me and my girlfriend would often get intimate in bed and often do things more then once a day, she would show affection a lot in person and through text, but ever since this fight and getting back together there has been a lack of sex and affection by her she constantly texts and calls me so I believe I could be overthinking it could also be how busy we are with school and work. But can anyone help elaborate on why she wouldn't want to get intimate as much as before I asked her constantly if she is physically attractive to me, but she often says she needs to be on a emotional level with someone before having sex I'm not sure if this is red flag or just giving it time and showing her and this relationship that it is improving will help he become more attached again. Overall our relationship as of now is okay as stated we still are planned to go to Arizona for New Years and other trips next year and she often mentions it and talks about so I have a feeling I could be overthinking about our relationship but any advice would be helpful thanks!

  2. #2
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    Well, you said you had a big fight and obviously things aren't right between you too.

    You know, if you're constantly fighting, there's something seriously wrong with your relationship. Fights are about control and manipulation. Someone is trying to make the other do something they don't want to do and the other person is fighting back. Also fights create a lot of stress, and stress causes unhappiness and depression. If someone is unhappy and depressed, they won't want to have sex and they won't feel good about themselves either.

    Like a lot of guys, you've skipped over the part describing about what the fights are about and who starts them. This information can tell you what's going on in your relationship. You really need to address whatever you're fighting about, because if you keep this up, you two are not going to be a couple for very long. You've already had to take a break and you've only been dating for 7 months. It's just not a good sign.

    So like a typical guy, you didn't think there was anything wrong until the sex slacked off, but the constant arguing should have been your clue that something was wrong way before that. If you don't do something now, don't be surprised if suddenly she says the relationship is over, maybe right before one of your planned trips, and you'll be one of those guys who say they had no warning of anything wrong when their girlfriend broke up with them. Because there's something seriously wrong going on here.

  3. #3
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    Give her time, OP. It's only been a week since this all came to light.

    If she almost broke up with you, obviously her feelings are different for you now. I realize you're back together, but it doesn't mean that all is okay again. Clearly, it's not. The arguing and complaining turned her off, so it follows that she is not as interested in physical intimacy right now either.

    She will need more time to warm back up to you and the relationship, and to see that things really will be different. If you two manage to truly work past this, a more active sex life will probably result as well. If she continues to remain distant, then yes, it's time to talk about whether she actually wants to stay together.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    OK chronic debating, arguing and stress has shut her down emotionally and as she accurately and honestly already explained that's why you're not getting as much sex as before. Also making it about you and your attractiveness is quite manipulative because of course these are rhetorical questions to try to guilt trip into sex when because of your argumentativeness, she's not feeling connected to you.

    What are all these 'major and minor arguments' about? What have you done to compromise, negotiate or try to reach an agreement on things? You know the answer. Stop dumping your stress, anger and gripes on her and making excuses like "you're a student and work"..

    Manage your own stuff, bring back some romance and harmoniousness, treat her better and the intimacy your arguing and complaining shut down will hopefully return.
    Originally Posted by blain4081
    -We have been arguing about minor as well as major things here and there but last week we almost ended it due to her stating I bring a lot of stress into her life because of how much I argue and complain.

    -ever since this fight and getting back together there has been a lack of sex and affection
    -I asked her constantly if she is physically attractive to me, but she often says she needs to be on a emotional level with someone before having sex

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