He’s moved on

Hello again. My story is in my previous threads but it seems my ex has moved on - to the girl he was allegedly ‘just having sex with, it means nothing’ . He took her on a date to the cinema last night, I found out through all his friends posting about it on Snapchat.

I’m just here for some help and for people to tell me how much better off I am etc as I don’t get this support from my friends. I’m just feeling very low as my ex is the last link to my old life when I was in high school and I was happy, I haven’t been happy since so now that he is actively moving on I can’t pretend that I can still get that old life and happiness back.

Thanks in advance.

Start concentrating on what you can do to regain your control over your own happiness, OP.

It seems there is something (or a lot?) missing from your current lifestyle which is leading to you to hang on the past in an unhealthy way. It's not really even about him, necessarily, but your unhappiness in the present.

What's going on there?

You broke up a year ago. No contact would have been a better option then than continuing to hookup. Hopefully you have gone no contact, try to avoid him and delete and block him and all his people from your messaging apps and social media. That is the best way forward for you.

I’m just feeling very low as my ex is the last link to my old life when I was in high school and I was happy, I haven’t been happy since so now that he is actively moving on I can’t pretend that I can still get that old life and happiness back.

Everyone, but everyone, has to move on from high school. Even if it was the happiest time of your life to date, it still had its restrictions - and now you need to look to the future, not the past. Start by cutting off contact with him, and his friends, if it's only going to drag you down. Sometimes people will want to talk to you about what your ex is doing, and it's OK to tell them that you really don't want to know.

Then look at your life and what you want to do with it. You're young, you're energetic. Now you're not tied to him, you have lots of possibilities opening up in front of you. Take control of it, and ask yourself what you really want to do; get professional help if necessary. Or, to put it another way - you can never move forward if you're continually looking back. There will come a time when high school will be nothing more than a distant memory, and it's up to you to make your own life worthwhile.

Good luck!

Your happiness is not dependent on him or your connection to him or your old life. You need to go no contact and start living and improving your new life. Get some hobbies, be with friends and family if possible, make plans to improve your life. Get professional help if needed. Only when you truly realise that your happiness is your responsibility and your job and not anyone else's and much less your ex responsibility, can you heal and move on.

Start concentrating on what you can do to regain your control over your own happiness, OP.

 

It seems there is something (or a lot?) missing from your current lifestyle which is leading to you to hang on the past in an unhealthy way. It's not really even about him, necessarily, but your unhappiness in the present.

 

What's going on there?

My mother died in May and was sick all through my first year of college, I never settled in college as I couldn’t connect with any of the people I met . I’ve taken a year out and am working a job in my college but I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere, be it at home with my mutual friends or here with nobody.

My mother died in May and was sick all through my first year of college, I never settled in college as I couldn’t connect with any of the people I met . I’ve taken a year out and am working a job in my college but I just don’t feel like I belong anywhere, be it at home with my mutual friends or here with nobody.

That's so sad. So sad. Have you had any bereavement counselling or other kind of emotional support?

That's so sad. So sad. Have you had any bereavement counselling or other kind of emotional support?

Currently in Counselling but I just can’t settle or find happiness no matter what I do or change. When things like this happen it just becomes very overwhelming. I need to stop living in the past but it’s difficult when that’s the only place where my mam exists.

Currently in Counselling but I just can’t settle or find happiness no matter what I do or change. When things like this happen it just becomes very overwhelming. I need to stop living in the past but it’s difficult when that’s the only place where my mam exists.

It's still very early days after suffering a bereavement like this; just let the grief work its way through. Unfortunately there are no short cuts you can take, though letting yourself release the emotions very fully will make things quicker in the long run.

Sometimes focusing on a relationship acts as a distraction from the grieving process; when I was 23 my father committed suicide, and for a couple of months I was obsessed by a guy I wouldn't normally look at twice - but it kept my mind off the overwhelming pain I was going through.

Be gentle with yourself, and get support wherever you can.

You broke up a year ago. No contact would have been a better option then than continuing to hookup. Hopefully you have gone no contact, try to avoid him and delete and block him and all his people from your messaging apps and social media. That is the best way forward for you.

THIS!!!

He is now with someone else. Accept it and go immediately into NC if you already haven't. That includes staying away from any social media that may have a link to him. You have way to much focus on him and you equate your happiness to him, this is a MAJOR NO, NO! If you base your happiness on someone else you will always fail! There is nothing more attractive to the opposite sex than someone who has direction and focus on themselves. It exudes confidence, and people are attracted to confidence. You can choose to be a victim, or choose something more from yourself! Invest more into YOU! You're the only person in this story that matters. You want him back then move on! It sounds counter intuitive, but no one wants to be with someone who wallows in self pity.

If you have interest then focus on them, if you have people interested in you, then let them take you out on a date and have fun. Build your confidence again, learn the art of attraction, and watch how things will change for you! Best of luck!

hopefully this will help. I’m pretty sure if you asked your mom, your mom would implore you to live on, move on, and honor her by being the best and happiest you can be in life.

as for the rest. you need to take back control of your life and OWN your life. We aren’t helpless victims in life with zero control over what happens to us and what we do about things. We are in complete control of it. Sure there are obstacles that other people control, but we can overcome those things if we truly want it and work at it long enough and bad enough. I’m proof of that as i’ve overcome the odds 2-3 times in my life when everybody told me “tha’ts impossible.”

So.. own your life. own its direction. I can guarantee that’s what your mom would be telling you today.

Good luck and sorry to hear of your loss.