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Thread: Should i be embarrassed

  1. #1
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    Should i be embarrassed

    So me and my ex have been broken up since January. He got into a relationship with a girl immediately after which lasted about four months. He continuously had tried to reach out to me but i would ignore him until around july when we got back in touch. We mostly tried to make amends then the end of August he came to me saying how much he misses me. He said i was his best friend and he wants me in his life forever and that his relationship with the other girl was a mistake and a regret and he doesnít want a relationship he wants to focus on himself. We had a long talk before being more regularly in touch again. Things seemed good only he would be pretty forward to me. He would compliment me a lot and make references to our relationship. He sent lyrics to a song about an ex boyfriend missing his ex gf -.- he did a lot of things that made me and everyone i showed think beyond a shadow of a doubt he was crossing the line of friendship and seemingly had feelings for me still. Though i know he didnít want to be back in a relationship with me i still felt it was playing with my feelings to say things like that. Recently i found out heís back with the original girl. I confronted him about it and was genuinely confused given the things he said about her. I also said he was playing with my feelings to say the things he said while talking to her and hiding it from me. He responded saying how he doesnít even know how heís with her again because she was so terrible to him but she keeps making him feel so guilty for not wanting to be with her and sheís saying itís his fault sheís done all the things sheís done. He told me she hits him when sheís drunk and that he shouldnít be telling me all of that but he has no one else to talk to about it. I obviously offered my support and told him thatís not a good place to be in but ultimately i felt like i wanted to stand up for myself and my emotions and hormones were all over the place. He acted confused and sent a long message saying he wanted me to tell him in detail how i feel about him because he doesnít know and we should talk about what we are comfortable with and what we are to each other. I took three days to respond and was sort of combative. he didnít respond. the next day i sent one more saying i was sorry for that response and if he wanted to have that talk i would. Still didnít respond. then a couple nights later i got a call from him on saturday night at one in the morning and a four minute voicemail. I listened and someone had dialed my number and just left it on so i heard everything happening but no one knew a voicemail was being left. The sounds of the voicemail was confusing though and i initially assumed something. The voicemail was of him and his girlfriend but the beginning was his girlfriend obviously drunk off her ass or really high saying ď babyyyy donít you want to be in a relationship with me ď music was playing and there was a lot of gibberish. at one point i hear her say ďthat feels goodĒ. Honestly i thought it sounded like they couldíve been having sex but i wasnít sure. I couldnít think of how it wouldíve happened because it wasnít a pocket dial. i showed my friend and she told me she could hear all this sexual stuff and i believed her. It was very obvious his girlfriend was the one who called. I really didnít want to hear their saturday night when i woke up the next morning. Anyway i end up messaging him asking about it and he said he didnít mean to and what was on it. So i told him iím pretty sure it was him and his gf having sex and that it was ed up sheíd send that to me and if he didnít know anything about this to give me her number so i can say something. Honest to god i thought thats what happened. He responded simply saying ďiím 100% certain it wasnít us having sex.Ē I responded saying either way he needs to keep better track of his phone because i donít want to wake up to a 4 minute voicemail of him and his gf at 1 am. he never responded. Looking back maybe iíd have done things differently but should i be totally and completely embarassed for assuming? I showed my mom and sister and after we listened to it a couple more times we all agreed it didnít seem they were having sex.i know his girlfriend had our messages up and thatís how i was called. Now i think it was accidental, but she did say something about ďbaby donít you want to be in a relationship with meĒ which seemed like a dig at me. iím aware that our relationship is totally gone and destroyed and iím ok with that. But i just want to know if i should feel humiliated for what i said. I genuinely thought thats what it was and i still donít think it shouldíve happened because i donít want to hear that either way. But how stupid should i feel?

  2. #2
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    We can't tell you how you should feel, OP.

    It's normal to feel the way you do, if that's what you're asking. You just need to block him for good now, as he's obviously playing the both of you.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this happened. He's a mess and a headache you don't need. He's the idiot, not you.
    Originally Posted by marlowe1996
    iím aware that our relationship is totally gone and destroyed and iím ok with that. But how stupid should i feel?

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    I guess i am asking if itís normal. I feel like i look like a psycho ex girlfriend for assuming and trying to confront his now girlfriend. I guess i wanted outside perspectives to know if that would be a normal reaction. But blocking does seem like a good idea.

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    Thank you, i feel like iím pulled into situations and end up looking like the crazy one so itís nice to hear thatís not how you see it.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Well the best way not to get pulled into situations like that is to stop giving the time of day to an ex. They are an ex for a reason and listening to their bs and what passing regrets they are feeling that hour is a waste of your time and also, yes game playing of sorts....except you are allowing it. Stop allowing these things and you won't have to deal with this kind of drama. A simple "No, I'm not interested in hearing what you have to say" will save you so much grief going forward.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by marlowe1996
    I guess i am asking if itís normal. I feel like i look like a psycho ex girlfriend for assuming and trying to confront his now girlfriend. I guess i wanted outside perspectives to know if that would be a normal reaction. But blocking does seem like a good idea.
    I think that's all you can do.

    You know he isn't coming back to you; there's zero reason to keep any line of communication open with him now. Despite what he tells you, he's into her and doesn't want to let go. Don't waste your time and energy on him.

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    I know iím not worried about any of that at this point iím reallt just feeling embarrassed about assuming what the voicemail was and i want to know if other people in my situation would have the same thoughts and feelings. itís not really normal to receive that and just be okay with it.

  10. #9
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    The line of communication being open was genuinely for friendship. But heís just not a very good friend or even person anymore. He was so different a year and a half ago. He started hanging out with this girl more and i noticed he started to change. Itís just sad and feels like a loss because he was my best friend. not that iím holding onto hope of being with him in fact i can honestly say i donít want to be with him after seeing how much of a mess he is. I just feel like i look stupid and i guess thatís embarrassing to me. I donít know.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member katrina1980's Avatar
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    I think you should start getting honest with yourself.

    You're asking because you don't want this bozo of an ex thinking you're psycho, which means you care more about what he thinks of you than you do of yourself and just moving the hell on, away from this toxic mess.

    Who cares what he thinks of you? Your energy is better spent extricating him and this entire mess from your consciousness and like I said, moving the hell on once and for all.

    Block and delete him.

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