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Thread: Should i be embarrassed

  1. #21
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    Ahh! I know itís such a mess. So many responses so i figured iíd just pick one. I want to explain my perspective in the situation better because i know at this point it sounds completely crazy and it has been a bit from the start, but just a week and a half ago me and him were talking like normal friends. Sending me his art work and talking about current things in our life. I learned an important lesson about him through this. When he came back into my life itís not like i made it easy. We had a long talk about what happened and he explained his side of it, didnít make excuses, apologized and honestly acted in a way that seemed to me like he actually had matured and made an effort to not be that awful person that left me and was a complete mess. Even our friendship the last few months was drama free. I actually felt okay with it. It was just this last week and a half that everything came to the surface that he is still the same person that left me. And that is disappointing. Mostly because weíve been friends for so long and the majority of me knowing him he wasnít this way. Iím not holding onto anything at this point. Genuinely i do still hope he changes for the better but i wish that from a distance. I really donít need everyone telling me itís a mess and to leave because at this point i KNOW. believe me. I have no intentions of interacting with him anymore. My intention for making my post was maybe partly because i missed all of you people telling me how stupid i am (kidding), but because i found myself thinking about how i reacted and i wanted to know if i was out of line and this was normal or if it was as messed up as i felt it was. And i was embarrassed for my assumptions i wonít lie. I wanted some reassurance that anyone couldíve thought that and did what i did. It came from a desire to ease my embarassment. But youíre right, crazy makes you crazy. That makes a lot of sense now. Other than that thereís no desire for me to be apart of his life, just dissapointment that heís turned out the way he did. I guess thereís always hope for people and i wish him the best.

  2. #22
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    When are you going to let this go?

    He did not get into a relationship after you broke up, he dumped you for her. I'm certain he was cheating on you.

    You have wasted almost a years on this. You stay in touch, play his therapist and ego booster. When will it ever be enough? We have all advised you to block, multiple times. I am wondering why you continue to ask for advice, as you never follow it.

    Time to seek some counseling. This obsession is seriously unhealthy!

  3. #23
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    Well iíve been in therapy for a year. And i wouldnít say iím obsessed. Youíre entitled to your opinion on that but just from knowing whatís in my mind personally i donít feel i am. And did you read what i said? I didnít ask for any advice on this thread. Iíve said multiple times iím not talking to him anymore. I donít know why you think iím still in the spot i was six months ago. Yeah for a good five months we were on good terms, civil, friends. I wasnít posting on here at all. And iím not asking for advice in this thread either. I havenít once asked for advice or insinuated i want to be with him or anything of the sorts. Weíve had an intense relationship. Things are complicated and iím not sure what you want me to do at this point. Apologize for ever talking to him again? I donít think i regret that so i wonít apologize. Everyone just keeps repeating the same thing over and over when i never asked for advice or said i was interacting with him anymore. This downfall was very recent. And frankly itís more like losing a friend to me. Iím not obsessing over him because i felt embarrassed about what happened and wanted to know if my reaction was normal or not. And i donít care what he thinks. Honestly heís surrounded by crazy and is crazy himself so if i look crazy to him i donít think heíd care anyway looking at who he surrounds himself with and how he lives his life. It was just a weird thing that happened and i wanted input. Not advice on if i should interact with him anymore. I already made up my mind on that.

  4. #24
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    Erm... this is a relationship advice forum. If you post on it, you're likely to get relationship advice. Sorry if that wasn't what you wanted!

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  6. #25
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    Did your therapist advise you to establish contact?

    I would wonder why you would think that this guy was your 'friend' after he dumped you for another?

    You were asking for advice, and this is an advice forum. Am I in the wring place?

  7. #26
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    Itís relationship related but i didnít ask for advice on that. I asked a question. I asked for input. I got responses the first time that were related to what i asked for. ď what you did was normal, anyone would react that way.Ē ďcrazy people make you do crazy things, donít beat yourself up over it.Ē Im not asking ďshould i try to pursue him?Ē absolutely not. Just because thatís what a lot of the people ask on this forum doesnít mean itís what iím asking now.

  8. #27
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    You are on a relationship forum, and you clearly have feelings for him; otherwise, you would not be putting so much energy into this.

    OP, do you have friends, and do you get out socially?

  9. #28
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    My therapist works through things with me and doesnít push anything either way. She lets me make my own decisions. She also knows our relationship in a much more detailed in depth way. Look he was my friend, my best friend. We were extremely close and he recognized that too. Heís gone down a road that is sad and disturbing. Heís been addicted to drugs and probably still is. I care about him still, doesnít mean i want to be in his life. Weíve been distant enough that he seemed actually more mature and like he was doing better. He expressed to me that he doesnít want to be a bad a person he wants to put in work to not be a selfish deceiving person and when someone you truly care about comes to you saying that, well comes to me saying that, id have a really hard time not trying to support that. Now iím at a different spot but since everyone seems to think iím crazy for ever talking to him again in the first place, that was why. He seemed genuine and honestly if i hadnít found out what i did myself i would probably still be talking to him the same way. He put on a front. Not sure why but thats what he did. Now iím realizing he has a lot of issues that are his own responsibility to work out and i hope he does, but i donít need to be involved.

  10. #29
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    But, he is not good for you or anybody else . I would address why you would get involved with a drug addict? That has disaster written all over it.

    You cannot fix him or be his therapist, as that is co dependent. Has he sought help for his addiction? I don't give a damn for who he wants t be, you need to see him for who he is: a selfish, lying drug addict.

    You need to expect a lot more for yourself.

  11. #30
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    I donít have feelings for him anymore not after this. And i donít feel like iím putting much energy into him but i am putting them into my responses because i want to defend myself on some level, and iím also pretty bored at work. And you hit the nail on the head there, no i donít. In fact i lost three friends in the past month and thatís partly why this even bothered me. I could start a completely different thread on the circumstances of my life but that would be honestly even more of a mess. Iíve been in a really bad spot for the past four years. I didnít even get to graduate with my class, i ended school home schooled. after that i never saw my peers regularly again. I donít go out almost at all. I did last night and that was fun. Went to dinner and a movie. But yeah if you knew all the details of my life youíd understand why i have a hard time and why things are such a mess. but honest to god, i donít have feelings for him. any residual feelings dissappeared after this fiasco. Too emotionally exhausted to have feelings for him.

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