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Thread: Time to Talk?

  1. #1

    Time to Talk?

    Ill try and make this post short for those reading.

    The relationship I'm currently in is my third, and we haven't been in it for too long, but not too short either.

    I will say SO has a personality I am not too familiar with, I've never been around or been close to someone with a personality like theirs. To put it easily SO is, quiet and "content." I've never seen them extremley happy sad or anything really. They are always content. Because of this personality it often comes off as not caring or just plain annoyed. Often times I have to ask SO "are you feeling happy/ okay?" or "is anything bothering you?" They also respond telling me "yes I am fine, this is just my tone/face/demeanor." SO has always told me they are happy, and like the relationship.

    SO also communicates a lot differently than I have experienced. They often only text back/ respond every 3-4 hours, and when they do respond its usually a one word answer. I've come to notice this is how SO also talks to close friends and family, so I was somewhat relived, but since we sometimes only see each other once a week, it kinda feels bad we only exchange 3 or 4 messages a day.

    We also don't see each other often, but SO doesn't seem to mind one way or another, which can bother me. Last week we were supposed to hang out and had made plans a week in advance, in which they got drunk, fell asleep, and then woke up right when we were supposed to meet up. I asked if I could come over, and they said yes, but I had to drive, when they were supposed to pick me up originally. I asked again if we could spend some time together this upcoming week and they said "let me check and see" and that was it, no further discussion came about it, which to me means, they really don't want to see me.

    In conclusion, I feel that SO's personality is sending me mixed signals and is leading me to belive they don't want the relationship anymore. SO is very mature, and I know they wouldn't express something like that over message and would ask to speak in person, however their demeanor is showing otherwise. I cannot decide if I should bring this up to SO, or if I should just save them the trouble and leave them like it seems they are showing me they want. As stated before, SO's demeanor is just very laid back and content, so I cannot tell if they are comfortable in the relationship or they desperatley want out.

    TL;DR: My SO's demeanor is very "content" along with their other actions, adds up to them not wating a relationship anymore, but all I can do is assume that, not sure how to move forward with the issue.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? How often do you spend time in person? Is it a same-sex relationship? It sounds like you have different communication styles and temperaments. Also needing to ask frequently are you ok, etc isn't really helping.

    Unfortunately it sounds like you are more invested. You seem to be driving all the communication and getting together met with a blasť response and attitude. It may be time to reflect and see if you want to pull teeth for conversation, dates or any enthusiasm..
    Originally Posted by thetentin

    Often times I have to ask SO "are you feeling happy/ okay?" or "is anything bothering you?" They also respond telling me "yes I am fine, this is just my tone/face/demeanor." SO has always told me they are happy, and like the relationship.

    they got drunk, fell asleep, and then woke up right when we were supposed to meet up. I asked if I could come over, and they said yes, but I had to drive, when they were supposed to pick me up originally. I asked again if we could spend some time together this upcoming week and they said "let me check and see" and that was it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Some people are kind of flat for various reasons... if he really never gets excited about anything then thatís just who he is.

    He also might be depressed, hiding something or just not that into you.

    If his tone / face / body language doesnít match his words, something is definitely off. You canít make him tell you what it is but you can decide whether or not you want to stay in such a situation.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by thetentin
    In conclusion, I feel that SO's personality is sending me mixed signals and is leading me to belive they don't want the relationship anymore. SO is very mature, and I know they wouldn't express something like that over message and would ask to speak in person, however their demeanor is showing otherwise. I cannot decide if I should bring this up to SO, or if I should just save them the trouble and leave them like it seems they are showing me they want. As stated before, SO's demeanor is just very laid back and content, so I cannot tell if they are comfortable in the relationship or they desperatley want out. .
    I think the better question is, do you want out?

    Your partner is the way they are, and all you can do is trust that they are fine. However, you are clearly not fine with this. That's not to say you're wrong, but this person's personality and approach to relationships don't seem very compatible with yours.

    Assuming this is SO's character and it's not going to change much, are you content to continue?

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  6. #5
    I don't want out the the relationship, I enjoy being with SO. When I am with them they are very sweet, good listener etc. I just want SO to be happy, and it's hard to know if they are happy or not based on their actions when we arent together in person.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not your job to make anyone happy. Either you are happy in the relationship...or not. Either someone you are dating a short time is happy in the relationship...or not.

  8. #7
    Wismeman, I suppose you're right. I have never thought of it that way. Maybe the best course of action would be to trust SO that they are happy in the relationship, and possibly bring up the lack of communication next time I see them, I just get so nervous and my feelings get so hurt I dont know what to do.

  9. #8
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    Well.. i think you're asking the wrong question.
    Since your SO's demeanor is CONSISTENt everywhere, then you can take that 1 of 2 ways:
    1. yes they truly are content and this is how they will always act even if they're happy
    2. there is no difference between you and their family/friends (aka.. you are not their "loved one" or "special one".

    But this to me is the wrong question to ask. EVEN if your SO is "content and happy", obviously YOU are not. This is not the type of relationship or interaction that is what YOU seek in a relationship. So the real question and answer pertinent here is - ARE YOU happy and content in this relationsihp? I believe the answer, deep down, is "no". If not, find soembody who is more compatible and along the lines of what you want a relationship to be.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by thetentin
    I don't want out the the relationship, I enjoy being with SO. When I am with them they are very sweet, good listener etc. I just want SO to be happy, and it's hard to know if they are happy or not based on their actions when we arent together in person.
    Based on your incompatable communication styles, and what appears to be differences in relationship expectations, what attracted you to this person in the first place?
    Sounds like you need to talk, and see what you both want.. your SO may want something much more casual then you are thinking.

  11. #10
    I had discussed relationship expectations with SO right when we started dating, and we both agreed that we wanted a long-term serious relationship. We both agreed on expectations for each other and how we felt about each other. The way we communicate and interact with each other in person is a lot different than over text message. When together, we are extremley compatible and do great together, when communicating elsewhere, not so much.

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