Please help me read into this

I've posted on here before about a previous break-up I had a few months back now. All in all it was an incredibly painful experience, one of the lowest I've felt in my life.

I've been better since and have achieved a good amount since the break up, but I still feel pain every day. She still gets in touch, around once a week, maybe more. Most of the time it's when she's stressed or upset about various things. Now I don't harbour any hopes of rekindling the relationship, it's impossible because I've moved away and there was far too much pain, and she's moved on to someone else anyways.

Why exactly would she look to come to me for support, knowing all the pain she's put me through? I'm not trying to read into in a sense that "does she want to get back together", I know that isn't it, but I am curious. The other thing is that she seems to come for me for support, tell me about what she's doing etc. But when I do the same, she seems as if she's not interested one bit. It feels a bit like I'm being used, so maybe I should tell her to avoid contact, but that's a difficult thing to do because you're then saying goodbye to someone forever, which is tough. Any advice would be appreciated.

She draining you with this. She has a new bf, let her go to him. She's treating you like a male girlfriend... worse than the friendzone. This is coming as a detriment to you and healing and moving on. Tell her you you can't keep talking then delete and block her.

She still gets in touch, around once a week. she's moved on to someone else anyways. Why exactly would she look to come to me for support

Why exactly would she look to come to me for support, knowing all the pain she's put me through? I'm not trying to read into in a sense that "does she want to get back together", I know that isn't it, but I am curious. The other thing is that she seems to come for me for support, tell me about what she's doing etc. But when I do the same, she seems as if she's not interested one bit. It feels a bit like I'm being used, so maybe I should tell her to avoid contact, but that's a difficult thing to do because you're then saying goodbye to someone forever, which is tough. Any advice would be appreciated.

Because you're familiar, you know her well, she's used to you. Because the lacks the sensitivity chip that would otherwise tell her not to look to you for comfort. But primarily because you keep responding.

For your own sanity, you need to tell her to stop. It doesn't need to be some big goodbye; you could simply remind her that you're not comfortable being friends right now and to please refrain from reaching out. Period.

EDIT: I just went back and read your other threads about her. This is the same girl who was getting cozy with an ex while she was with you. She is selfish and looks out for her own needs and desires. Yours are not important to her, which she demonstrated repeatedly. Thus, it follows that she doesn't give a zoom how her current behaviour affects you. She ain't the most mature fish in the sea.

Stop the means of communicating. Block her. You don’t even have to explain why.

Coming from experience, every time your ex reaches out it just sets you back. It’s like having a scab, every time she contacts you it’s like picking at the scab.

It’s stopping the wound from healing. Leave the scab alone and in time it will heal.

Easier said than done yes. I have not listened to advice on hear or my own advice and it’s bit me in the a$$ twice now.

So coming from someone who is going through the same as many others on here. Stop all contact. Concentrate on yourself

This is easy to resolve. Block and delete her then she cant contact you. You dont have to tell her you are going to do this unless you really want to, but honestly, just do it. You may feel like crap at first but you will feel better once you realize you can move on easier.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted? Why do you continue to do this to yourself?

She does it because she does not care about your well being. You need to find some self respect and cut this off.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted? Why do you continue to do this to yourself?

 

She does it because she does not care about your well being. You need to find some self respect and cut this off.

I'm not sure where you're getting "continue" from as this isn't something that's been going on for a long time. The reason is, though, that it's difficult to let go of a person that you once thought the world of and was the most important thing in your life, even if only for a relatively short period.

Thank you to you and everyone for the advice. I messaged her to say I can't keep up with the friendship, as it feels like she comes to me for support and comfort and it's only really a one way thing, she doesn't genuinely respect or value me. She said okay and apologised.

Sometimes I wish I never met her and I wouldn't have had to go through all the BS over the last 6 months, but at the end of the day pain and heartache is such a great opportunity to better yourself and that's what I'm learning every day.

Good for you OP, you have to put your foot down and set the boundary of self respect. You did the right thing by ending it. It’s very hard but at least you don’t have that stress to deal with anymore. Usually if you feel like you’re being used, you probably are

Tell her she's own her own and block her on everything. Stop taking her calls. She's just hurting you more and she's not doing you any favors. Tell her to ask her boyfriend.

She draining you with this. She has a new bf, let her go to him. She's treating you like a male girlfriend... worse than the friendzone. This is coming as a detriment to you and healing and moving on. Tell her you you can't keep talking then delete and block her.

Yes! Get some self respect and go full no contact with her. Tell her to not contact you if necessary. She'll understand if she has any respect or compassion for you. Now it's time to think about your healing, and she's not helping it. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, they don't get to have you as a shoulder to cry on or support, specially if they've already moved on with someone. Don't let people have their cake and eat it too while you're hurting.

Now delete and block her. From this moment on you will start feeling better now that you have taken control of this situation.

I messaged her to say I can't keep up with the friendship.

people reach out to what's easy and available to them post break-up (many get into REBOUND relatioinships).

So the real answer to yur question is "she is getting in touch with you BECAUSE YOU ALLOW her to continue to do so and serve her need when she needs it."

if you stop.. she'll stop.

simple as that. People do onto us because we ALLOW them to.