Whew, thank you guys. All of your responses, insights, experiences are total gold to me. Many of you have helped me in the years' past on posts where I was absolutely devastated and sifting through dark times, and I'm sure if I knew then how my life would look later, I would have killed to fast-forward. I am aware that I am lucky to be in this chapter, while simultaneously struggling to find my balance with the grief of missing my family and (strongest) support system outside of my husband.

Special thanks to DancingFool. You have often given me great advice in the past, but this really hits the nail on the head. For sure there IS no perfect world I'm missing out on, and yes, my preggo hormones are raging (although I've been enjoying them for the most part otherwise, oddly). I will keep treading water while I figure out what all of these dark feelings mean on the "flip side," but just writing this out here has been therapeutic and clarifying over the last two days.