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Signs that a girl likes you more than a friend


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I have been in contact with a girl for around 6 months and met her 1 month ago as friends. It's incredible how many things we have in common and how well we get along, although we come from two different worlds. So far we have spent 10 full days together traveling (including nights in separate rooms). We now speak to each other almost every day and she finds time to hang out with me almost every chance she gets, while also going out of her way to create these sometimes. I'm infatuated with her, but have trouble identifying if she is interested in me due to the points below. Since I have never been in a relationship before (Yes! and I'm 29), I am no expert in this field. This is why I need your help.

 

Thanks to anyone who responds to this post!

 

1. Avoids touch. We don't greet when meeting or leaving in any sort of way. I have never offered a hug, and she hasn't either. I have offered my hand many times at difficult spots when climbing, but she has declined 9 out of 10 times. Once, I grabbed her by the shoulder to push away from a dangerous situation, and I felt that she cringed a bit (maybe reacting to the situation). She almost always sits about 1 feet from me and sometimes prefers to sit beside and close to me at restaurants rather than in front (about half the time). Keeps long eye contact, smiles a lot around me, acts playful / jokes, but never touched me to even poke after making fun of me, except the accidental hand touches. I am afraid to touch her since most of the time we're out of nowhere and don't want to make her uncomfortable and feel pressured. Should I start giving hugs when she's leaving from now on to see how she reacts?

 

2. Doesn't talk about past relationships or relationships in general, but talks about marriage and having a family with future Mr. X (no one at the moment) quite a lot. I have brought this subject up lightly in relation to others (my friends), but she showed no interest in the topic.

 

3. Makes herself vulnerable around me, but shuts off somewhat early at night (around 9pm). I assume most relationships start with physical intimacy, perhaps within 2-10 dates and I'm afraid that we may pass this point soon and just settle for a friendship or make intimacy even more awkward to come by. I have acted as being open to this by inviting her to my space (while traveling) twice at night for menial reasons, but she declined (maybe to my specific offers, or to the idea of invading my space, or ultimately to show no interest in me beyond a friendship). She also had a reason to share a room with me once, but she didn't bring up that idea and pretends that's not an option. She is okay having a drink with me though. Her personality is that she wants me to take control of everything, as well as make the decisions. But, I am afraid to put her in a very uncomfortable situation at a time she doesn't expect, especially since there were no signs from no. 1 and 2 points above.

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Your relationship has an expiration date unless it moves to a romantic one. Your future gf won't accept you hanging out with and communicating with a woman you have a crush on. The signs from her suggest she likes the ego boost that you have a crush on her, but just isn't into you. You can either take a chance and broach the subject of dating, or let this friendship lessen in intensity for you since it can't last the way it's going now.

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Your relationship has an expiration date unless it moves to a romantic one. Your future gf won't accept you hanging out with and communicating with a woman you have a crush on. The signs from her suggest she likes the ego boost that you have a crush on her, but just isn't into you. You can either take a chance and broach the subject of dating, or let this friendship lessen in intensity for you since it can't last the way it's going now.

 

Hi Andrina, thank you for the reply. I wouldn't say she feeds from an ego boost from me having a crush on her although it might just be an ancillary thing in this case. However, I must mention that she has a huge advantage in hanging out with me for a period of time in terms of a convenience she gets (not monetary based). So, this is my fear that she takes advantage of me, but I am okay with that to a certain degree since this "relationship" has improved me in many ways. What would you say is the expiration date for a romantic relationship? Maybe 10 dates as friends is too much?

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I agree that she likes you as a friend. It seems to me that she's avoided any situations that might give off an impression that she wants more (such as avoiding physical contact).

 

I'd say that the window that someone would potentially date someone is usually pretty brief (within the first month or two of meeting them).

 

If you are happy with the friendship as it stands, I'd accept her friendship. I think there's value in having female friends if you are not experienced relationship wise. However, you need to set some boundaries on the friendship to avoid being used. And hey, being friends with a woman opens up the potential to meet other women.

 

I wouldn't do this in the hope that you change her mind, but backing off and meeting other women can sometimes spark a woman's interest. I think you should do this regardless though.

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I'd probably be honest with her. Maybe say: To be honest with you, with spending all this time together and having such a good time, I'd like to give dating a try but I'm not feeling the same vibe from you.

 

Then give her a chance to respond. If she says she just wants to be friends, you can say: We can, but let's mellow out on the daily contact, cause I think it'll help me out to just think of you as a buddy.

 

In the off chance that she feels the same, you can go from there. If she doesn't, like I said, it's best for you to make changes now because this little bubble of bliss, on your side anyway, will come to an end. When she gets a new bf, you will be placed far back on the back burner, so make the decisions that are best for yourself now before you fall deeper and don't waste time with someone who doesn't have similar relationship goals. No, you don't totally have to cut off the friendship, but daily contact and so much togetherness should lessen if she isn't interested in you romantically.

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I'd probably be honest with her. Maybe say: To be honest with you, with spending all this time together and having such a good time, I'd like to give dating a try but I'm not feeling the same vibe from you.

 

Then give her a chance to respond. If she says she just wants to be friends, you can say: We can, but let's mellow out on the daily contact, cause I think it'll help me out to just think of you as a buddy.

 

Thank you for your detailed response and suggestions. So, I must let her know now in order to preserve my energy which could go to waste. I may do that or simply back off after our next planned outing.

 

Thanks for everyone else who responded!

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i agree with the others that i believe there is no interest from her side.

 

BUT...

 

if you want to know for sure you are going to do 2 things and judge her reaction and you will know.

1. make an advance. ask her out with ZERO DOUBTS or left to the imagination that it is a date, and that you are interested in a relationship with her, not a friendship. This needs to be VERY CLEAR with zero doubts. See how she reacts. (this is because she is an old fashioned girl - “guy is supposed to lead and do everything” - so these women won’t come after you or even show interest ... ).

 

2. after asking her out or having that date and making an advancement (meaning a kiss on the lips... ) - even if she refuses. Dial it back and become less accessible to her. Wait for her to come to you and even play hard to get if she does come after you. Do this for a bit and see how much she starts coming to you and how she treats you then.

 

I am currently dating a very similar female. Very independent, strong, needs to prove she’s just as able/strong as a male - even taking control. She has even made a point to say “we’re not going anywhere quick” and “we’re not serious or anything that happens between us doens’t mean we’re going to be serious”... and she’s very traditional. the guy has to do initiate everything (which is a very WEIRD dynamic for me.. is she independent or does she want the man to do everything? lol)

 

So.. i said fine. i’m just going to dial it back and not chase her. And guess what.. now she’s chasing me! she’s against public affection and affection in general and last night she jumped hoops to come see me and was extremely affectionate with me publicly and initiated it all.

 

how weird is that?

 

So first ask her out and “act like the man she says she wants” and see how she reacts. If she acts interested and reciprocates there - she likes you.

 

If she acts like she doesn’t then dial it back and stop chasing and convincing her about you two as a couple and see if she starts to pursue you. It probably means she likes you but has a need to keep up a certain “image” or reputation (even if it’s only in her own head).

 

Good luck and let us know how both go.

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I have offered my hand many times at difficult spots when climbing, but she has declined 9 out of 10 times. Once, I grabbed her by the shoulder to push away from a dangerous situation, and I felt that she cringed a bit (maybe reacting to the situation). She almost always sits about 1 feet from me and sometimes prefers to sit beside and close to me at restaurants rather than in front (about half the time). Keeps long eye contact, smiles a lot around me, acts playful / jokes, but never touched me to even poke after making fun of me, except the accidental hand touches. I am afraid to touch her since most of the time we're out of nowhere and don't want to make her uncomfortable and feel pressured. Should I start giving hugs when she's leaving from now on to see how she reacts?

 

Don't impose yourself on her. She enjoys your company, but isn't ready for more.

 

You've been considerate so far, and I'm sure she appreciates it.

 

You never know, things could change in the future.

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I am currently dating a very similar female. Very independent, strong, needs to prove she’s just as able/strong as a male - even taking control. She has even made a point to say “we’re not going anywhere quick” and “we’re not serious or anything that happens between us doens’t mean we’re going to be serious”... and she’s very traditional. the guy has to do initiate everything (which is a very WEIRD dynamic for me.. is she independent or does she want the man to do everything? lol)

 

So.. i said fine. i’m just going to dial it back and not chase her. And guess what.. now she’s chasing me! she’s against public affection and affection in general and last night she jumped hoops to come see me and was extremely affectionate with me publicly and initiated it all.

 

how weird is that?

 

 

She is indeed very similar to the girl you're seeing according to your description. I too was confused about this dynamic since she wants to act independent and strong, but wants me to take the lead and puts huge trust on my decisions even at the peril of her safety.

 

My research suggests that I should not openly confess that I'm interested in her, rather show it by action, which I have already done in numerous, clear ways. But I'm curious, how would you ask her out if you're already spending a lot of time together alone? Should I just claim that any dinner is a date? Or sway a conversation towards some topic? Almost all our time together is like a date because we are on 1-on-1 by our own eager to travel together.

 

So far, I have been too available for her and providing immediate satisfaction for her and my research says that if I give her the final validation that I'm into her by confessing, she will likely lose any desire she had. I assume backing away a bit is the best option I have at this time.

 

Thank you for everyone's ideas. I cannot appreciate them enough.

 

The consensus is that she is not romantically interested, but we will see how it unravels... I will keep you posted :)

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Are you taking her out as if they are dates or going out as friends? "Confessing feelings" is immature, awkward, a tad creepy and unnecessary. You're right to show your romantic interest with actions. Make sure you are not becoming a text buddy, that is a step in the friendzone direction. Keep texting brief and to arrange dates. What romantic vs friendzone things are you doing on dates? Do you pay or drive or hold her hand or pick somewhat romantic things to do places to go? Or are you hanging out like two pals?

all our time together is like a date because we are on 1-on-1
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Are you taking her out as if they are dates or going out as friends? "Confessing feelings" is immature, awkward, a tad creepy and unnecessary. You're right to show your romantic interest with actions. Make sure you are not becoming a text buddy, that is a step in the friendzone direction. Keep texting brief and to arrange dates. What romantic vs friendzone things are you doing on dates? Do you pay or drive or hold her hand or pick somewhat romantic things to do places to go? Or are you hanging out like two pals?

 

We live in close by cities and we are going out on weekend trips as friends and we split the bills (I pay once and then she insists its her turn and pays the next time). However, if I more affirmatively offer to skip her turn and pay, especially at a fancy restaurant, she lets me. The first time we met was almost like a date as I took her out, but our relationship from the beginning was in a grey area. Neither she nor I used "friends, buddies, mate, etc.", or for that matter, any term to refer to our relationship or each other.

We mostly go on hikes or to beaches and if we climb to an amazing view (which I find romantic), and when I sit, she always sits by me for 1-2 minutes and then gets up. We've never touched each other in a romantic way which is a barrier I thought of breaking. One time she leaned on me as we were looking at a screen and our heads almost touched. We text moderately, which are almost always about planning our trips, discussing each others' interests, and about 30% of those are teasing. The advantage she gets is that I'm driving her and familiar with the area.

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If you've stayed on the sidelines with past women looking for "signs", that explains why you've never had a relationship at age 29. There are no 100% risk-free guarantees, and if you keep repeating the same pattern with future women, you are going to be relationshipless for another 29 years plus more.

 

The more time you invest going through the motions of an actual date or carrying on a false friendship (false because you want more), the more it will hurt when you find out she isn't interested.

 

I like to travel a lot for fun and like the outdoors, it is difficult to find people who can leave their 50 cats, TV, or have the motivation to go 5 miles past their house. So a friend willing to do these things is to be valued. I've traveled with women I was dating, or women who are friends. There is a clear difference.

 

Women are intuitive, she knows you're interested. Because of safety, many women do not like to travel alone or hike alone, etc. So it's a fine line she has. Enjoy the friendship with you while knowing at some point it probably will all end when you finally make your feelings known, she declines, and you disappear pouting. She probably hasn't had enough experience to know it is best to just talk about it openly. Often this site has responses to things as if everyone has devious intentions when it is just a case of not knowing how to handle it or what the consequences may be.

 

You've spent enough time with this to give a clear picture. She sees you as a friend and is probably building trust in you. Backing off in the hope that she chases you is middle school stuff.

 

One of the great things about having female friends? They have female friends. Having an endorsement from her to one of her friends is golden, it usually eliminates a lot of the initial dating bs. Without it being a game, ask her about any of her single friends or coworkers. She's becoming a good friend, value that, and start finding someone who you date from the start.

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  • 3 months later...

I promised to write an update on this. And, here it is. (I am not sure to which effect this will be useful to anyone though.)

 

As most of you (as well as I) predicted, she never showed a romantic interest in me or got intimate with me. I did bring up the subject indirectly and continued to show it clearly with my actions, but she was always quick to change the subject or avoid any lead-on. We continued to meet each other for 5 months regularly, but with my discretion of when. I also avoided seeing her for a month. The flirtations continued, as well as the wonderful chemistry (which I believe was shared by both of us) and our long moments of looking into each others' eyes or sharing smiles at certain acknowledgements or understandings. She also stayed in my room late into nights watching movies upon her own initiation. But, never showed intent of hanging out any further when credits start rolling as she gets ready to walk to the door (she's an old fashioned girl). She always made it clear that she's hanging out with me due to the activities we do, and spending time with each other was not the priority or the reason why we're together. She was careful not to refer to "our" experience (something like "I enjoyed your company" or "our time together"), and always referred to her experience or my experience separately (something like "I had so much fun, I hope I didn't keep you away from work for too long"). For someone reading this might think that we are both rigid or tense people, but it wasn't like such. We were always smiling, easy and casual with each other, like very old friends. I could think of some reasons for why she wouldn't want to initiate a relationship with me, and they are valid reasons (but I'd argue otherwise). And in a few short days, she will be thousands of kilometers away and I am not sure we will meet each other again (jealous bfs/husbands, gfs/wives). This all ended in a good note. Despite this not working, I feel very fulfilled and wise after this experience.

 

Best wishes for everyone for happy relationships and lives! You deserve it :)

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This all ended in a good note. Despite this not working, I feel very fulfilled and wise after this experience.

 

I find male/female friendships to be very enjoyable, especially when there is chemistry.

 

But this latter type of friendship often has to come to an end in order to make room for a full relationship--on both sides.

 

Glad you had fun.

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