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Thread: Signs that a girl likes you more than a friend

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey

    I am currently dating a very similar female. Very independent, strong, needs to prove she’s just as able/strong as a male - even taking control. She has even made a point to say “we’re not going anywhere quick” and “we’re not serious or anything that happens between us doens’t mean we’re going to be serious”... and she’s very traditional. the guy has to do initiate everything (which is a very WEIRD dynamic for me.. is she independent or does she want the man to do everything? lol)

    So.. i said fine. i’m just going to dial it back and not chase her. And guess what.. now she’s chasing me! she’s against public affection and affection in general and last night she jumped hoops to come see me and was extremely affectionate with me publicly and initiated it all.

    how weird is that?
    She is indeed very similar to the girl you're seeing according to your description. I too was confused about this dynamic since she wants to act independent and strong, but wants me to take the lead and puts huge trust on my decisions even at the peril of her safety.

    My research suggests that I should not openly confess that I'm interested in her, rather show it by action, which I have already done in numerous, clear ways. But I'm curious, how would you ask her out if you're already spending a lot of time together alone? Should I just claim that any dinner is a date? Or sway a conversation towards some topic? Almost all our time together is like a date because we are on 1-on-1 by our own eager to travel together.

    So far, I have been too available for her and providing immediate satisfaction for her and my research says that if I give her the final validation that I'm into her by confessing, she will likely lose any desire she had. I assume backing away a bit is the best option I have at this time.

    Thank you for everyone's ideas. I cannot appreciate them enough.

    The consensus is that she is not romantically interested, but we will see how it unravels... I will keep you posted :)

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you taking her out as if they are dates or going out as friends? "Confessing feelings" is immature, awkward, a tad creepy and unnecessary. You're right to show your romantic interest with actions. Make sure you are not becoming a text buddy, that is a step in the friendzone direction. Keep texting brief and to arrange dates. What romantic vs friendzone things are you doing on dates? Do you pay or drive or hold her hand or pick somewhat romantic things to do places to go? Or are you hanging out like two pals?
    Originally Posted by tiktiktok
    all our time together is like a date because we are on 1-on-1

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are you taking her out as if they are dates or going out as friends? "Confessing feelings" is immature, awkward, a tad creepy and unnecessary. You're right to show your romantic interest with actions. Make sure you are not becoming a text buddy, that is a step in the friendzone direction. Keep texting brief and to arrange dates. What romantic vs friendzone things are you doing on dates? Do you pay or drive or hold her hand or pick somewhat romantic things to do places to go? Or are you hanging out like two pals?
    We live in close by cities and we are going out on weekend trips as friends and we split the bills (I pay once and then she insists its her turn and pays the next time). However, if I more affirmatively offer to skip her turn and pay, especially at a fancy restaurant, she lets me. The first time we met was almost like a date as I took her out, but our relationship from the beginning was in a grey area. Neither she nor I used "friends, buddies, mate, etc.", or for that matter, any term to refer to our relationship or each other.
    We mostly go on hikes or to beaches and if we climb to an amazing view (which I find romantic), and when I sit, she always sits by me for 1-2 minutes and then gets up. We've never touched each other in a romantic way which is a barrier I thought of breaking. One time she leaned on me as we were looking at a screen and our heads almost touched. We text moderately, which are almost always about planning our trips, discussing each others' interests, and about 30% of those are teasing. The advantage she gets is that I'm driving her and familiar with the area.

  4. #14
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    If you've stayed on the sidelines with past women looking for "signs", that explains why you've never had a relationship at age 29. There are no 100% risk-free guarantees, and if you keep repeating the same pattern with future women, you are going to be relationshipless for another 29 years plus more.

    The more time you invest going through the motions of an actual date or carrying on a false friendship (false because you want more), the more it will hurt when you find out she isn't interested.

    I like to travel a lot for fun and like the outdoors, it is difficult to find people who can leave their 50 cats, TV, or have the motivation to go 5 miles past their house. So a friend willing to do these things is to be valued. I've traveled with women I was dating, or women who are friends. There is a clear difference.

    Women are intuitive, she knows you're interested. Because of safety, many women do not like to travel alone or hike alone, etc. So it's a fine line she has. Enjoy the friendship with you while knowing at some point it probably will all end when you finally make your feelings known, she declines, and you disappear pouting. She probably hasn't had enough experience to know it is best to just talk about it openly. Often this site has responses to things as if everyone has devious intentions when it is just a case of not knowing how to handle it or what the consequences may be.

    You've spent enough time with this to give a clear picture. She sees you as a friend and is probably building trust in you. Backing off in the hope that she chases you is middle school stuff.

    One of the great things about having female friends? They have female friends. Having an endorsement from her to one of her friends is golden, it usually eliminates a lot of the initial dating bs. Without it being a game, ask her about any of her single friends or coworkers. She's becoming a good friend, value that, and start finding someone who you date from the start.

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  6. #15
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    I promised to write an update on this. And, here it is. (I am not sure to which effect this will be useful to anyone though.)

    As most of you (as well as I) predicted, she never showed a romantic interest in me or got intimate with me. I did bring up the subject indirectly and continued to show it clearly with my actions, but she was always quick to change the subject or avoid any lead-on. We continued to meet each other for 5 months regularly, but with my discretion of when. I also avoided seeing her for a month. The flirtations continued, as well as the wonderful chemistry (which I believe was shared by both of us) and our long moments of looking into each others' eyes or sharing smiles at certain acknowledgements or understandings. She also stayed in my room late into nights watching movies upon her own initiation. But, never showed intent of hanging out any further when credits start rolling as she gets ready to walk to the door (she's an old fashioned girl). She always made it clear that she's hanging out with me due to the activities we do, and spending time with each other was not the priority or the reason why we're together. She was careful not to refer to "our" experience (something like "I enjoyed your company" or "our time together"), and always referred to her experience or my experience separately (something like "I had so much fun, I hope I didn't keep you away from work for too long"). For someone reading this might think that we are both rigid or tense people, but it wasn't like such. We were always smiling, easy and casual with each other, like very old friends. I could think of some reasons for why she wouldn't want to initiate a relationship with me, and they are valid reasons (but I'd argue otherwise). And in a few short days, she will be thousands of kilometers away and I am not sure we will meet each other again (jealous bfs/husbands, gfs/wives). This all ended in a good note. Despite this not working, I feel very fulfilled and wise after this experience.

    Best wishes for everyone for happy relationships and lives! You deserve it :)

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok. This was a good example of what "the friendzone" looks like and to how to avoid it in the future with women you are interested in dating.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by tiktiktok
    This all ended in a good note. Despite this not working, I feel very fulfilled and wise after this experience.
    I find male/female friendships to be very enjoyable, especially when there is chemistry.

    But this latter type of friendship often has to come to an end in order to make room for a full relationship--on both sides.

    Glad you had fun.

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