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Donna123

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I’m desperate. I wasn’t sure where to post this, but I’m after advice, male and female, about a situation I was in.

 

I’m a 38-year-old divorced lady who’s never really been great with men and relationships, plus I’m not the most confident person either.

 

About two years ago I decided I wanted to lose weight and get fit, so I joined my local gym. I ended up with a great Personal Trainer, a man, who was 14 years younger than me and we developed a relatively close and intense friendship.

 

Not long after we started training sessions, he broke up with his girlfriend because she cheated on him. As I lost weight and regained my confidence, our friendship grew. I admittedly had on and off feelings for him but never acted on them because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship and I wanted him as my Personal Trainer still.

 

He did a lot of nice things for me outside the gym like doing my gardening or driving me home when my car was at the mechanics. One night after a training session with him we sat and talked for three hours, and he even comforted me when I told him a few deeply personal things about my past. Last year, I had a very brief, casual encounter with a friend of his.

 

After I stopped seeing his mate, things between my PT and I became awkward. He’d always been curious about my life and asked questions, but now he started getting personal.

 

He asked me questions and said and did things that have left me confused still to this day. He asked me if I thought I was a good kisser or not and if I intended on sleeping with a guy (not his friend) I was going on a date with. He asked to see pictures of my ex-partner and ex-husband. He asked when it was I last slept with a guy. He’d make jokes about me having sex with potential dates while we were doing stretches at the gym.

 

During one training session, he poked me on the thigh during a workout with a long wooden balance pole when I didn’t work hard enough. He’d make remarks about me wearing a new sports bra despite me wearing a t-shirt over the top. He even told me how he liked having “rough but intimate sex.”

 

Towards the end of our training sessions last year, before Christmas, he met a girl from the UK on a working visa. He told me he didn’t know how old she was and that they were having casual sex and she’d call him up and abuse him when he didn’t drop everything to see her.

 

During the new year break, I went overseas for a holiday and when I came back it seemed like my PT and this girl were more serious than he said, according to what he put up on his social media accounts at least.

 

However, he rarely spoke to me about her except to say that she was just “some British chick” he was seeing and that it was she who wanted to label the relationship when it was Facebook official and that he was never looking for relationship to begin with.

 

After one training session with him at night time when we went for a run, his girlfriend was waiting at the gym for him. He behaved embarrassed by my presence and couldn’t wait for me to leave.

 

Then, as he’d found a new job, at his farewell gathering, I sat next to her, and my friend/PT didn’t introduce me to his new girlfriend even though all his other clients from the gym who were there seemed to know who she was. I’m still feeling bewildered and frustrated by this situation.

 

I’m not sure what he meant by what he said or w hat his intentions were. I’m almost at a point where I want to send him a letter or a text asking for answers. He's moved into a new job, I don'tsee him anymore but I would like closure and peace of mind.

 

Advice muchly appreciated.

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I think it's pretty clear he was looking to hook up with you. I understand you had some personal interaction, but his behaviour on the job was terribly inappropriate and unprofessional. For this reason, I believe it's safe to say he wasn't interested in anything more than sex.

 

He probably did not want his new girlfriend to know about his creepy conduct with clients, so he tried to prevent you and her from interacting at all.

 

Don't send him a letter or text. What sort of closure are you seeking? What do you want answers to? You two were never an item and he is in a relationship. Just leave it be now, or risk making a fool of yourself for reaching out like that.

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I think it's pretty clear he was looking to hook up with you. I understand you had some personal interaction, but his behaviour on the job was terribly inappropriate and unprofessional. For this reason, I believe it's safe to say he wasn't interested in anything more than sex.

 

He probably did not want his new girlfriend to know about his creepy conduct with clients, so he tried to prevent you and her from interacting at all.

 

Don't send him a letter or text. What sort of closure are you seeking? What do you want answers to? You two were never an item and he is in a relationship. Just leave it be now, or risk making a fool of yourself for reaching out like that.

 

Totally agree with the above post.

 

This guy is a complete and utter creep with incredibly inappropriate behaviour. UGH. You were just a bit of fluff on the side. Do NOT send him any letters or texts. Be done with him and walk away with a little dignity in tact and learn from this.

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I think he lost respect for you when you slept with his friend.

 

You went from the mysterious older woman with potential, to someone his friend shagged and he treated you with less respect. The things you described are not out of respect or interest, it sounded as though he saw you as a play thing, someone to mess about with seeing as he knew you slept with his friend.

 

The whole dynamic changed and not in a good way.

 

His girlfriend seeing you probably embarrassed him because he didn't want her to think there was anything going on. Let's be honest here, you're much older, no doubt he would have felt embarrassed for anyone to think that you and this older woman might have been more than trainer/client.

No doubt he would have denied it if anyone asked and felt appalled by their question.

 

Donna, leave it alone. He's a young guy who was just being a stupid young guy. He's not interested and you will be going where you're not wanted.

Try to date men your age and let this go.

 

The younger ones will have a good time with you and sleep with you for a short time...(they will just think, free sex), but they won't ever take you seriously or see you as a girlfriend.

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I agree with the above posters. This dude is a train wreck, absolutely unprofessional, insecure, and bad news.

 

Coming from a guys perspective, he was basically sexually harassing you regularly implying he only looked at you as a piece of meat. If I were a female and in your position, I would have cut my ties with him a long time ago.

 

You deserve better treatment than that.

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At best he sounds unprofessional and immature. Obviously it was a mistake to get too personal with him. You never dated, he has a gf and sending anything is inappropriate. Now that you are fit, get a good profile on some dating apps and start messaging, meeting and dating appropriate interested men. Never chase men with wives/gfs.

I ended up with a great Personal Trainer, a man, who was 14 years younger than me and we developed a relatively close and intense friendship.

 

he’d found a new job, at his farewell gathering, I sat next to her, and my friend/PT didn’t introduce me to his new girlfriend

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You`re wasting your time on someone who has a girlfriend.

 

Who`s told you he`s in a relationship BUT didn't want to be in one.

 

Acted awkward when his G/F turned up at the gym

 

Started talking about sexual antics and about your bra.

 

This isn't a quality guy. This is some sleaze bag who wanted to try it on with you but didn't get his way. Hes left, and gone and you need to this go because he`s with someone and why would you write a letter or text so he can show his friends and family or even worse his girlfriend to show how obsessed you are.

 

You need to stop this and stop it now. You never even dated or even got round to it so what bringing all this up in to a text or letter would achieve? It will achieve nothing just more awkwardness. Just let it fade. People will move on and in the next near distance future you`ll have another man you can fall for.

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