Honeymoon Over!

My bf snapped at me yesterday (harshly) because I interrupted him while in his darkroom/workshop developing prints.

He got pretty mad, he wasnt verbally abusive or anything but did swear (goddamnit Kat!), snapped harshly saying my interrupting had the potential of ruining the prints, which isn't true but whatever.

Anyway I was proud of myself cause I just sort of let it roll off, as he's been under a lot of stress from various things.

About an hour later, he was in the kitchen and I looked at him sort of sweetly and said "are we friends again?"

He said "of course and I'm sorry I snapped at you."

I responded "No worries! I'm over it." Which honestly was the truth.

We proceeded to have a good day then later he approached me apologizing profusely for the way he spoke to me, saying "you're my girl, my number one, you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."

Again I said "thank you babe but honestly it's okay! I should know better than to interrupt when you're in there."

I told a friend about this and she said I'm too easy going and a pushover, that I should have been pissed that he spoke to me so harshly and not so quick to forgive and forget, that it sets a bad precedent.

What do y'all think? Am I too easy going and forgiving? Was I too much of a pushover in that instance?

I try to not sweat the small stuff, which in my mind this was.

He responded well to how you handled things and was sincerely apologetic. It's better than stewing and giving a cold shoulder and the silent treatment. You two were able to enjoy the rest of the day. A different situation would be to regularly put up with toxicity without any improvements, which would make one a doormat. Daily life and relationships are commonly subject to some stress and one can't always act like Mr. Rogers in every instance.

You may not want to confide in this friend this much.

You may not want to confide in this friend this much.

She said I should not have been the one to "make nice" by asking if we're friends again after he spoke to me the harsh way he did.

That I should have waited for him to apologize first.

It all turned out okay but now I am questioning whether or not I am too "easy" and quick to forgive and "make nice" after a conflict.

I let a lot of shyt with my ex roll off too, stuff I probably should not have.

(chuckle) Good advice from Wiseman.

You both did the proper thing. I'm guessing he was having trouble with developing the pictures. A lot of people don't know when to take offense and when not to. You do. Good for you.

It's important to be very, very careful what you tell your friends.

Your friends will take your side. And they remember things long after you've gotten past them.

Last thing you need is your friend telling your boyfriend "I don't appreciate the way you talk to Kat!!"

BTW, I hope you told your boyfriend that you told your friend, just in case the above scenario happens.

Ok tnx DZ feeling a bit better now.

It's important to be very, very careful what you tell your friends.

 

Your friends will take your side. And they remember things long after you've gotten past them.

 

Last thing you need is your friend telling your boyfriend "I don't appreciate the way you talk to Kat!!"

 

BTW, I hope you told your boyfriend that you told your friend, just in case the above scenario happens.

I told her I was cool with it, that I approached him first asking if we're friends again, which is what prompted her to tell me I was too much of a pushover!

That I should have been pissed!

I told her I was cool with it, which is what prompted her to tell me I was too much of a pushover!

 

That I should have been pissed!

But you told your boyfriend you discussed this with your friend...right?

Everyone has bad days and everyone snaps. He apologized at least, so I think that’s good.

But you told your boyfriend you discussed this with your friend...right?

No I did not, should I?

We both (my bf and I) let it go and don't want to make a bigger deal about it than need be.

No I did not, should I?

 

We both (my bf and I) let it go and don't want to make a bigger deal about it than need be.

Exactly, which is why I really hope your friend doesn't take it upon herself to "defend" you by saying something to him.

BTW, it was a conflict between you and your boyfriend that I think you both handled well. I just hope his go to isn't cursing when he's agitated because that's lame and immature. One time thing, no biggie. Regular habit, biggie.

I told her I was cool with it, that I approached him first asking if we're friends again, which is what prompted her to tell me I was too much of a pushover!

 

That I should have been pissed!

Oh, come on. Your friend needs to learn a little about life and grow up. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. The important thing is that you both did the right thing. IMHO, I think what you said is fine and you are not a pushover. It's not a pissing contest to see who apologises first. Be careful what you say to this "friend".

No I did not, should I?

 

We both (my bf and I) let it go and don't want to make a bigger deal about it than need be.

I agree. It's not a big deal.

Everyone has a bad day. Let it go. I can’t even count the number of really crapola days we’ve had.

How long have you guys been dating? Has he ever spoken to you this way other times, or was this a one off? I would say very occasionally if a person is stressed or in a low mood and they snap, you could let it go. But not if it happens a bit too often. I do think you should make it known that you don't want to be spoken to like that. You don't have to be snappy back, but you could just say assertively: "OK darling, I know you didn't mean it, but I really don't appreciate being yelled at like that. Please don't do it again". I've told my fiance stuff like that as well when he was acting grumpy and snappy for no actual reason.

Thanks guys!

She's a relatively new friend and very high strung and hot tempered.

She's the friend I created a thread about, who dumped her bf after three months by starting an argument with him.

Not to hijack my own thread but they're back together and she still picks fights with him..

They're crazy "in love" though -- that's they're dynamic.

She's been a super good friend to me, and we've become pretty tight.

 

She's a relatively new friend and very high strung and hot tempered.

 

She's the friend I created a thread about, who dumped her bf after three months by starting an argument with him.

 

Not to hijack my own thread but they're back together and she still picks fights with him..

This is really not the friend to confide in about relationship issues.

How long have you guys been dating? Has he ever spoken to you this way other times, or was this a one off? I would say very occasionally if a person is stressed or in a low mood and they snap, you could let it go. But not if it happens a bit too often. I do think you should make it known that you don't want to be spoken to like that. You don't have to be snappy back, but you could just say assertively: "OK darling, I know you didn't mean it, but I really don't appreciate being yelled at like that. Please don't do it again". I've told my fiance stuff like that as well when he was acting grumpy and snappy for no actual reason.

Thanks Tiny, IF this happens again, I will. Which is probably what I would advise too.

It's so different when it concerns yourself!

Too late for this time though, it's over and done.

How long have you guys been dating? Has he ever spoken to you this way other times, or was this a one off? .

I'd ask the same question as Tinydance: Was this the first time he's snapped at you like this, or was this a one-off?

As for how long you've been dating....about 6-8 months, is that correct?

So, my response to you will depend on whether it was a repeat snapping or a first time.

If it's first time, let it go. Everyone has a bad day, and everybody has times where they don't like to be interrupted.

Even if it's the first time, take mental note. If this happens again, then it's cause for concern. You never want to become someone's verbal punching bag. I'm not saying that's the case here at all, but rather to be mindful.

If it's not the first time, then I'll have different advice.

You may not want to confide in this friend this much.

mustlovedogs Everyone has bad days and everyone snaps. He apologized at least, so I think that’s good.

goddess Oh, come on. Your friend needs to learn a little about life and grow up. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. The important thing is that you both did the right thing. IMHO, I think what you said is fine and you are not a pushover. It's not a pissing contest to see who apologises first. Be careful what you say to this "friend".

Everyone has a bad day. Let it go. I can’t even count the number of really crapola days we’ve had.

^^^^ THIS. All of the above. A little bit of advice to the young people, from someone who's older than air .... keep your private, personal lives at home, where it belongs. No need to rush out and discuss every little argument with your friends. It's none of their damn business (imo).

We've been dating eight and a half months (since mid March) and while he's gotten annoyed before, he has never snapped at me quite as harshly (and aggressively) as he did yesterday.

I was quite taken aback tbh.

The thing is it’s not the end of a “honeymoon .” It was a disagreement . After 30 years we are still honeymoon . Disagreements and shyte happen. It is life.

We've been dating eight and a half months (since mid March) and while he's gotten annoyed before, he has never snapped at me quite as harshly (and aggressively) as he did yesterday.

 

I was quite taken aback tbh.

I'd be taken aback as well.

At 6-7 months, the oxytocin high starts to wear off, and we start to see each other much more clearly. This is why it's so often said that we need to see a partner through all four seasons, or one year, before making any major decisions.

We also become much more comfortable, as our own "new relationship" mask wears off. This is where we get to wear sweat pants and keep our hair in a ponytail, lol! But it's also where true personalities emerge.

Since this was a first time, I'd simply take note. You've already told him how you feel. This is not dissimilar to the other 40+ page thread here (lol, I know you know what we're talking about), where you expressed a need/desire/issue, and now it's up to you to gauge future incidents. As in that thread, if this happens again, it'll be up to you to decide your next course of action.

The thing is it’s not the end of a “honeymoon .” It was a disagreement . After 30 years we are still honeymoon . Disagreements and shyte happen. It is life.

Yeah, and not everyone acts in a mature fashion 100% of the time.

If he's usually respectful, I wouldn't get too excited.

How come you confided in your friend? It must have upset you on some level, even though you two got past it.