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Giving her some space and time to take care of a lot of her personal issues


Emj2006

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Hello guys! Okay so here's the story. So I have been dating this girl for 4 months and she has a LOT on her plate. She is recently divorced(and is currently finalizing paperwork at the moment), she recently got her car rear-ended and totaled just a couple of weeks ago(in which insurance totalled her car but since she still owed car payments, she now no longer has a car as the totaled check covered most of her remaining car payments but not all), she is currently broke due to the divorce and car issues, and she also has major family drama going on between her family and due to these events she is now suffering from major depression(which she just now admitted to me on Sunday).

 

While we have great chemistry, sex, and always good quality time when we are together, it seems like these events that she was going through were starting to take a toll on me and her as well as while of course I was doing my best to be as supportive as possible with her and always be as uplifting as I can(of course knowing that I am personally not responsible for her happiness) I felt like it was beginning to take a toll on me and starting to make me unhappy as well. It's one of those conflicting scenarios where you know things are amazing with you two, but it seems all she has going on on her plate is not allowing her to be the best version of herself kind of thing and not making her be as available. So anywho, we had a talk Thursday and I was starting to approach her with some of my concerns about her going through a lot and how it was beginning to take a toll on me. Due to her situation, I of course, have been of course taking the initiative to plan our dates, pay for them knowing her financial situation, basically doing what I can to not put as much pressure on her and we even tried to plan a weekend getaway to Las Vegas but then we couldn't even plan that as since she is in the middle of divorce and has 2 kids, she struggles and was unable to find a set schedule based on when the kid's father would be available so that's when it hit me that I simply can't plan a weekend getaway as it seems like an impossible takes so that added even more to my frustrations. Not to mention, I just tried to be there as possible but at times I felt like due to how unhappy I was becoming, it was making me focus on what I was truly getting out of the relationship as it seemed it was starting to override our chemistry, sex and quality time together and kind of pushed me away. Also due to these events, I have of course noticed she has also tried to message as much as she can wasn't reciprocating as much so since my love language is words of affirmation, I began to talk to her about my concerns and we talked it over, and she felt bad that she wasn't able to reciprocate as much and I agreed because it is just a tough scenario, so after talking it over, we decided we need to take a step back as a break. From her end, she is almost finalizing her paperwork, and will be in a better financial spot once the child support and her bonus checks from work come in so that will help take a lot on her plate in the next coming weeks to help her not have as much on her plate to contribute more to the relationship. When talking about this, it was very tough for both of us because we truly like each other, but maybe feel like the only chance of making this work would be to see if this space will help us reassess things as from her end she feels guilty and feels unable to contribute to the relationship and feels that "pressure" of not being able to contribute, so that thought alone is what is making her unhappy and is tearing her apart from the inside. From my end, it is hurting me to believe to have met an amazing woman but yet find her not be as available at the moment. My question is "Do you guys think some space will actually help us like we both pretty much decided? Based on this what do you guys feel would be the right thing for me to do? I really like her and all, and while there is no telling if things will be off her plate, I know that we both really like each other and all but it seems like situations out of our control for the meantime are not allowing us to be as strong. If you guys have any feedback or suggestions, I would love to hear them!

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I don't think you have much choice but to stop seeing each other for now. She isn't in a position to date, for many reasons.

 

It seems that you both like each other and respect the other's feelings, but now is really not the right time. Perhaps you could reconnect in a few months and see where she is at.

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What a crock! Your girlfriend is going through several personal disasters at once and you're sitting down with her discussing that you're not getting enough out of the relationship! You can't even emotionally support her?

 

Yes, I think you two need space -- permanent space. She needs to find someone who will help her through this instead of someone complaining he can't take her to Vegas because she has kids and her head isn't in it. And it doesn't matter what "words of affirmation" you use, you're being extremely selfish and she doesn't need the added stress of you making demands on her.

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recently divorced(and is currently finalizing paperwork

 

Ask anyone who's been divorced whether that first year after signing papers was the best time for them to date anyone. You may find some rare exceptions, but I'd rather preserve future potential by allowing a new divorcee to stabilize.

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