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Thread: friendly or flirtatious?

  1. #1
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    friendly or flirtatious?

    Hey all,


    I started working for a company in June of this year. I love what I do and I am very well paid. It has been a career I have tried to get into my while life (property management) and I feel blessed to have been given this amazing opportunity. My boss is extremely accommodating with my work schedule and works around my schedule (as I am a single mother of 2 children). Overall, I am extremely happy at this job.

    Since the very fist day, my boss (who is married) has always been extremely nice and caring to me. He always compliments my work and has told me repeatedly that before hiring me he was in really bad shape with the company due to negligent and reckless behaviour of his previous manager, and that since meeting me, he has never seen his company do so well.

    It is true as testified by other employees. Part of my expertise is PR and damage control, and I have dedicated myself to helping him get back on his feet and we have gotten very positive feedback from our tenants who have been very happy that I have replaced the old manager. In 6 months' time, I have helped the company improve significantly on a financial and legal scale.

    We have an extremely close relationship since we work very closely together. I act as his personal assistant as well as the property manager for over 300 apartments so I have a fairly heavy workload that also requires me to be in constant communication with my boss (nearly every hour) in order for the business to run smoothly. By default, we have also grown quite close as friends and I will sometimes ask him for advice since I respect him tremendously.

    We do have a great working relationship and we really accomplish so much together.

    That being said, there are some indicators recently that have led me to think that my boss is somehow infatuated with me, extending beyond a professional employee/employer relationship.

    Examples:

    -When I was sick with the flu, he brought me groceries/tea and left it outside my door
    -He buys me wine regularly (2X/month) since he knows I like wine
    -He has bought me really expensive gifts in the short time we work together
    -At least several times a week, he will tell me he feels extremely blessed to have me working for him
    -The other day I accidentally wrote "think you" instead of "thank you", and he responded "I am thinking of you too"
    -Has told me many times that I am the most important person in his life (didn't specify if he meant within the company)
    -Has told me that he really likes me and admires me
    -Has told me he has never liked working with someone as well as he does with me
    -He will sometimes compliment my outfit
    -Once we were in the car together and he was on the phone with one of the employees, and he tried to tell me something while he was on the phone but since he didn't want the person on the other line to hear (something about the electrician stalling on a job), he sort of suddenly leaned over to tell me something and my reflex was to jump back, and he then started laughing saying "relax I wasn't going to do anything, I just didn't want the electrician to hear that I am not happy with his work". But the fact that the thought was even on his mind was strange to me.

    And basically the list goes on and on. But while all of this has occurred, he has never made any sexual remarks or any sexual references, nor has he been outright flirtatious. I am wondering if he is just a really nice and caring boss or if he perhaps likes me romantically?

    Just as a side point, he has stated he is very overprotective of me since I am not very close to my own family and have very few people I am close to.

    I am in no way interested in him, I really want him to stay professional. Just wondering how I should go about this.

    He is 45. I am 28.

    Your thoughts are welcome and appreciated.
    Last edited by Chloee1988; 11-30-2018 at 11:11 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Marci, he is a married man...do you think you ought to be behaving this way or hoping he likes you?

    Would you want some woman to be doing this with your husband should the day ever come that you get married?

    Be a decent person, tell him to knock it off and that you want to keep things professional.

    You are only asking for trouble and at the end of the day, it's his wife you will be dealing with if you keep allowing this to continue.
    Besides the fact that hopefully you actually have a conscience and don't want to become a home wrecker.

    If he is interested, stay away from each other until he properly divorces.
    Or go on the dating sites and get your own man

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    I just edited my post to reflect that I am in no way interested him since he is my boss and married and I do not see him as someone I would date even if he was single.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Then tell him you're not comfortable receiving gifts from him as it's not professional. Make sure he understands that there is never going to be anything between you two.

    If he wants to act like a azz and do these things behind his wife's back, so be it, but don't encourage it and let him know it's not welcomed.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Marci, he is a married man...do you think you ought to be behaving this way or hoping he likes you?

    Would you want some woman to be doing this with your husband should the day ever come that you get married?

    Be a decent person, tell him to knock it off and that you want to keep things professional.

    You are only asking for trouble and at the end of the day, it's his wife you will be dealing with if you keep allowing this to continue.
    Besides the fact that hopefully you actually have a conscience and don't want to become a home wrecker.

    If he is interested, stay away from each other until he properly divorces.
    Or go on the dating sites and get your own man

    Then tell him you're not comfortable receiving gifts from him as it's not professional. Make sure he understands that there is never going to be anything between you two.

    If he wants to act like a azz and do these things behind his wife's back, so be it, but don't encourage it and let him know it's not welcomed.
    I second these posts in their entirety. You have to be firm and let him know in no uncertain circumstances that you are NOT comfortable with what he is doing and to please cut it out. The more you accept the more he takes this as encouragement. Put a stop to it and mean it. He's overstepping the line. You need to be professional.

  7. #6
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    He is your boss so you need to be really careful and professional when rejecting his advances. it is best to get along.

    1. Have you met his wife? Does he have a picture of her on his desk? I'd say something along those lines of: "Your wife is beautiful.", "Your wife has a nice smile." or some other compliment (works only if he has a picture of her on his desk), "You both look great in this picture.", "It was so lovely to meet your wife at the office Thanksgiving party." and "Have a nice weekend and my best regards to your wife." (the last two suggestions work only if you have met her).
    He needs to understand that you see them as a unity, which married couples are. Keep it generic as you don't want him sharing personal stuff with you.

    2. Respond to his excessive gift giving with care and in a professional manner as he is your boss and it's wisest to get along. In my book generic presents (e.g. biscuits, wine, tea or coffee) are not necessarily a big deal, but receiving very personal presents (e.g. perfume or jewellery) is a different kettle of fish.

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    I have many times spoken about his wife in such high regard as I have met here a few times and really respect her. I always try to manoeuvre the conversation to how wonderful his wife is every time I feel he is being over complimenting towards me

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    That's great, Marci1992! Another tip I can share is to signal through body language that you are not interested. E.g. When he is standing too close, smile politely but cross you arms.

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    friendly or flirtatious?

    I guess my concern, as how greendots has outlined it, is how to maintain professional boundaries without offending him. He is after all my boss, and there is massive growth opportunity if I remain in the company. Further, I feel I would do my job even better without any distractions or concerns about his questionable behaviour.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by greendots
    That's great, Marci1992! Another tip I can share is to signal through body language that you are not interested. E.g. When he is standing too close, smile politely but cross you arms.
    Thanks a lot...I guess he will eventually internalize these cues and no actual discussion will be required.

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