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Thread: friendly or flirtatious?

  1. #21
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Bottom line is though, why would you be actual friends with your boss? Especially a male boss, who is married on top of that? Even if he wasn't married and giving so many gifts and being inappropriate, it's unprofessional to actually be friends with your boss. You can be friendly and on good terms and maybe make chit chat in the office (not personal), but you would not be contacting them or seeing them outside of work, except if the interaction actually had to do with work. I think this applies even if your boss was single because by professional standards a manager and employee should not really be friends. I think it just really messes up the power dynamic and makes it unfair on other colleagues, it makes you a favourite.

    I think you've behaved very wrongly to be so close and familiar with him and by accepting all this from him. I wonder if you secretly like his attention? There are much better ways to deal with what he's doing. E.g. with the "think you" wrong text you sent him. When he replied: "I'm thinking of you too", you could have said: "Oh sorry, that was just a typo, I only meant to say thank you". When he dropped off groceries to your house, you should have said something like: "Thank you, I appreciate but you really shouldn't have. I'm fine and don't need anything like that". And when he gives you gifts for no reason, just say: "Thank you but I can't accept, it's too generous. But we can give each other a Christmas gift and I will get one for your wife too." Your own behaviour is also quite inappropriate, I'm not sure how you haven't realised this. You are not just a passive victim here and can take control of the situation.
    I second this entire post. OP, you really need to enforce the boundaries here and the sooner the better. He clearly thinks you are encouraging his behaviour and in a way you are. You need to nip this in the bud and he needs to understand that he's crossing the line here.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    It seems you feel this is crossing the line beyond "taking a new employee under his wing", no? If that is the case, diplomatically and professionally create more boundaries and politely decline anything that is outside of work including communications of a personal nature or accepting gifts.

    He should not be coming to your home no less bringing you groceries, alcohol, expensive gifts, etc. You should not be "in the car together". You need boundaries. Stop accepting gifts. "Thank you but I can't accept this" should be your response. If you feel sexual harassment is going on read up on it (making advances, buying gifts, showing up at your home, etc.) then file a case.
    Originally Posted by Chloee1988
    -When I was sick with the flu, he brought me groceries/tea and left it outside my door
    -He buys me wine regularly (2X/month) since he knows I like wine
    -He has bought me really expensive gifts in the short time we work together
    -Once we were in the car together

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