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Thread: friendly or flirtatious?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Marci1992
    Thanks a lot...I guess he will eventually internalize these cues and no actual discussion will be required.
    You're welcome! Here's hoping he will get the message.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    No, gifts from a boss is not appropriate at all.

    It would be different if it was a cash bonus added to a regular paycheck in order to let the employee know they are appreciated and did a good job, but gifts are not okay.

    The fact alone that is told her he thinking of her too, is enough to know that this man is NOT acting like a decent man.

    Greendots, don't encourage her to continue to accept gifts!!
    It should have never gone on in the first place.

    You tell him you're not comfortable with the gifts. And be straightforward with how you want to remain professional.

    If he get's offended then clearly he is feeling rejected and his actions had more behind them. If however he apologizes and backs off, then no harm meant and you can continue working together without any miscommunications.

  3. #13
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    I think you've got it all wrong. He's treating you like a daughter. I take it that the boss owns the company? With a small company, one that the owner's life and livelihood depends on, he's trying to show you how appreciative he is of you. You are straightening out his business and, of course, you have a close relationship with him by necessity.

    My wife runs her own company and she has been very generous with the people who have helped to make the company successful. She's given them time off, unexpected bonuses, gift baskets, taken them out to lunch, drinks, and so forth.

    You have mentioned that he has been a perfect gentleman and has made absolutely no moves on you.

    DO NOT RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! He is NOT HITTING ON YOU. He's being appreciative, and you may get to the point where he hands you the entire company to take over and run. Certainly my wife and I have discussed handing our company over to our manager when we retire.

    Again, don't ruin what you have. If you bring anything up, his entire attitude towards you will change and you may find yourself iced out of a job in 6 months to a year. He won't think of you as warmly as he does now.

    I am extremely sincere in my advice. You have saved his company and he's showing his appreciation. He knows you're married and has kids. I think he's treating you like the daughter he doesn't have. It's not a question about professionalism. Small companies are different and you can see the results when you do a good job. You're not dealing with an HR department or company policy handbooks. You have a boss who cares about you. I do think he may love you, but not in a sexual way. Not everything a guy does means he's hitting on you!

    Really, don't ruin things.

  4. #14
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    An easy way out no matter what his intentions are, is to casually mention you've met a great guy and have never felt happier.

    Sure it's a little white lie, but it saves you looking like a fool if he's not interested, or risking backlash at work if he's interested and you confront him about it.

    I've used this line several times so not to hurt people who are interested in me, when the feelings not mutual and I'm sure women have used it on me in the same situation.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    I think you've got it all wrong. He's treating you like a daughter. I take it that the boss owns the company? With a small company, one that the owner's life and livelihood depends on, he's trying to show you how appreciative he is of you. You are straightening out his business and, of course, you have a close relationship with him by necessity.

    My wife runs her own company and she has been very generous with the people who have helped to make the company successful. She's given them time off, unexpected bonuses, gift baskets, taken them out to lunch, drinks, and so forth.

    You have mentioned that he has been a perfect gentleman and has made absolutely no moves on you.

    DO NOT RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! He is NOT HITTING ON YOU. He's being appreciative, and you may get to the point where he hands you the entire company to take over and run. Certainly my wife and I have discussed handing our company over to our manager when we retire.

    Again, don't ruin what you have. If you bring anything up, his entire attitude towards you will change and you may find yourself iced out of a job in 6 months to a year. He won't think of you as warmly as he does now.

    I am extremely sincere in my advice. You have saved his company and he's showing his appreciation. He knows you're married and has kids. I think he's treating you like the daughter he doesn't have. It's not a question about professionalism. Small companies are different and you can see the results when you do a good job. You're not dealing with an HR department or company policy handbooks. You have a boss who cares about you. I do think he may love you, but not in a sexual way. Not everything a guy does means he's hitting on you!

    Really, don't ruin things.
    Actually, the OP is not married, she said that she is a single Mum. My take on it is that if your boss does all these same things for other employees, then obviously he is just a nice and generous guy. But if he only does all this for OP and not anyone else, then it's pretty obvious that her boss is romantically interested in her. I think it's fairly clear that he's interested in her too because he says things like: "I'm thinking about you too", compliments her appearance, and brought her groceries TO HER HOUSE when she was sick. I think those things are quite inappropriate. A boss can't just come over to their employee's house uninvited outside of work! That's even a bit creepy! I think everything your boss is doing is very over the top, like giving a lot of gifts. A boss can give a Birthday or Christmas gift but that's it. I don't think he sees OP as a daughter because he's not even that much older than her. If he was like 60 and OP 20 years old then maybe he may see her as more of a daughter. But he's not very old and not even really old enough to be her father. The whole thing seems very dodgy to me. Also I think OP has in a sense been encouraging him because she's good friends with him and she accepts all this from him. I mean, it's nice to get along well with your boss, but you don't have to be actual friends. He's your BOSS, not just a plain colleague. I think OP's own behaviour is also inappropriate.

  7. #16
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    I think heís being inappropriate and playing with Fire a bit. Enforce the boundaries in a firm but polite way. Itís hard to get that tone so practice. Iím glad youíre not interested in him so you are not biased.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by DanZee
    I think you've got it all wrong. He's treating you like a daughter. I take it that the boss owns the company? With a small company, one that the owner's life and livelihood depends on, he's trying to show you how appreciative he is of you. You are straightening out his business and, of course, you have a close relationship with him by necessity.

    My wife runs her own company and she has been very generous with the people who have helped to make the company successful. She's given them time off, unexpected bonuses, gift baskets, taken them out to lunch, drinks, and so forth.

    You have mentioned that he has been a perfect gentleman and has made absolutely no moves on you.

    DO NOT RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! He is NOT HITTING ON YOU. He's being appreciative, and you may get to the point where he hands you the entire company to take over and run. Certainly my wife and I have discussed handing our company over to our manager when we retire.

    Again, don't ruin what you have. If you bring anything up, his entire attitude towards you will change and you may find yourself iced out of a job in 6 months to a year. He won't think of you as warmly as he does now.

    I am extremely sincere in my advice. You have saved his company and he's showing his appreciation. He knows you're married and has kids. I think he's treating you like the daughter he doesn't have. It's not a question about professionalism. Small companies are different and you can see the results when you do a good job. You're not dealing with an HR department or company policy handbooks. You have a boss who cares about you. I do think he may love you, but not in a sexual way. Not everything a guy does means he's hitting on you!

    Really, don't ruin things.
    I am not married. He is. And the company net worth is about 50 million. We have over 30 properties.

    And we have a staff of over 40 employees. Pretty big company.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    No, gifts from a boss is not appropriate at all.

    It would be different if it was a cash bonus added to a regular paycheck in order to let the employee know they are appreciated and did a good job, but gifts are not okay.

    The fact alone that is told her he thinking of her too, is enough to know that this man is NOT acting like a decent man.

    Greendots, don't encourage her to continue to accept gifts!!
    It should have never gone on in the first place.

    You tell him you're not comfortable with the gifts. And be straightforward with how you want to remain professional.

    If he get's offended then clearly he is feeling rejected and his actions had more behind them. If however he apologizes and backs off, then no harm meant and you can continue working together without any miscommunications.
    I agree that this man is not being professional by stating that he is thinking of her and what not. Reality is he is her boss. Therefore, she needs to be really careful and professional on how to reject his advances (including gift giving). It is best to get along with your boss professionally. Obviously, if your boss is utter rubbish I'd leave the company and find a better environment to work in.

  10. #19
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    Bottom line is though, why would you be actual friends with your boss? Especially a male boss, who is married on top of that? Even if he wasn't married and giving so many gifts and being inappropriate, it's unprofessional to actually be friends with your boss. You can be friendly and on good terms and maybe make chit chat in the office (not personal), but you would not be contacting them or seeing them outside of work, except if the interaction actually had to do with work. I think this applies even if your boss was single because by professional standards a manager and employee should not really be friends. I think it just really messes up the power dynamic and makes it unfair on other colleagues, it makes you a favourite.

    I think you've behaved very wrongly to be so close and familiar with him and by accepting all this from him. I wonder if you secretly like his attention? There are much better ways to deal with what he's doing. E.g. with the "think you" wrong text you sent him. When he replied: "I'm thinking of you too", you could have said: "Oh sorry, that was just a typo, I only meant to say thank you". When he dropped off groceries to your house, you should have said something like: "Thank you, I appreciate but you really shouldn't have. I'm fine and don't need anything like that". And when he gives you gifts for no reason, just say: "Thank you but I can't accept, it's too generous. But we can give each other a Christmas gift and I will get one for your wife too." Your own behaviour is also quite inappropriate, I'm not sure how you haven't realised this. You are not just a passive victim here and can take control of the situation.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Actually, the OP is not married, she said that she is a single Mum. My take on it is that if your boss does all these same things for other employees, then obviously he is just a nice and generous guy. But if he only does all this for OP and not anyone else, then it's pretty obvious that her boss is romantically interested in her. I think it's fairly clear that he's interested in her too because he says things like: "I'm thinking about you too", compliments her appearance, and brought her groceries TO HER HOUSE when she was sick. I think those things are quite inappropriate. A boss can't just come over to their employee's house uninvited outside of work! That's even a bit creepy! I think everything your boss is doing is very over the top, like giving a lot of gifts. A boss can give a Birthday or Christmas gift but that's it. I don't think he sees OP as a daughter because he's not even that much older than her. If he was like 60 and OP 20 years old then maybe he may see her as more of a daughter. But he's not very old and not even really old enough to be her father. The whole thing seems very dodgy to me. Also I think OP has in a sense been encouraging him because she's good friends with him and she accepts all this from him. I mean, it's nice to get along well with your boss, but you don't have to be actual friends. He's your BOSS, not just a plain colleague. I think OP's own behaviour is also inappropriate.
    ^^^^ This EXACTLY.
    There are lines that are not meant to be crossed.
    He does not need to be buying you presents. He can give you a bonus at the end of the year on your paycheck if he feels he needs to show his appreciation of your work.
    He does not come to your house like that, it is creepy and he has no right.

    And lastly, he is not your friend. You don't need to ask him for advice. Keep things professional.
    There are boundaries not meant to cross and both of you have been crossing them which is why things are now weird.

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