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Thread: Madly in love, should i keep pursuing this girl?

  1. #1

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    Madly in love, should i keep pursuing this girl?

    So i have quite the story to tell.. I work for the army and met this amazing girl during an exercise abroad. We met on tinder but quickly learned that none of us never really have used tinder or met someone from tinder. But we clicked instantly and exchanged snapchat accounts. We would snap constantly and we were crazy about each other. We agreed to meet whenever it would be possible. That meant i had to sneak out from the camp i was staying at, which she found very romantic. After a week of talking on snapchat we were able to meet. She was even more amazing in real life. We went for a short walk on our first date and talked. We were both to shy to do anything else. I quickly realised that she has the exact same views and goals about life and same interests as me and i was sure i just found my soulmate. We could talk hours on end about everything and anything. And i know she felt the same way about me.

    On our third date we walked and talked for 4 hours and finally held hands and she kissed me goodbye.. Sadly it was the last time i could see her before i had to head home cause the exercise had ended. We agreed that we would still keep in touch because we had something amazing together.

    After i came home, i noticed that she seemed a bit different. She wouldnít snap me unless i made the first move and that is very unusual. I asked her if i had done something wrong and that i was worried for her.

    She then told me i did nothing wrong, but she has been so focused on her career that she is barely on her phone anymore. I was understandable and knew i could trust her. But she still seemed different so i tried to ask her if she wanted a break from talking and that she could tell me anything if there were any issues.

    This time she told me that she didnít want to get to attached to anyone at the moment cause she is so focused on fulfilling her dream and she also wants to spend time with friends and family, before she is going to study abroad for a year.

    I was still understandable for that. Also when i met her we agreed that i could come after i went home, since i would have 2 months off work. But she already had to many plans to make it possible and now it seems like she doesnít believe we are ever gonna meet again.

    Now to my question. She is leaving in less than 2 weeks and i really want to go see her and say a proper goodbye before she leaves and spend time with her without having to watch my back because i sneaked out from a camp.

    So should i go and surprise visit, without even knowing if she has time to see me?
    Or should i stop pursuing this girl as i might just end up getting heartbroken?

    My idea with the surprise visit, is to show her that anything is possible with the power of love and she shouldnít think that weíll never gonna se each other again. I really donít want to let this girl go. Iíve never met someone like her.

  2. #2
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    No, don't do it. She might have a boyfriend or she may not have been how she portrayed herself. In any event, she's moving on with her life and you should too. It was just a short fling. An affair. A pleasant memory. Just let her go.

  3. #3
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    I agree with the other poster. I wouldnt sneek to meet her. She isnt really expressing any interest at this point. You can ask her, but then its not a surprise. Her answer might be a surprise tho. talk to her, and tell her that you are feeling that there isnt interest anymore, and you are wondering if you should move on.

  4. #4
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    You are infatuated, not in love. Leave her alone.
    She also could have met you and not have been as interested as you perceived her to be

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  6. #5
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    she seemed a bit different
    she has been so focused on her career that she is barely on her phone anymore
    This time she told me that she didnít want to get to attached to anyone at the moment cause she is so focused on fulfilling her dream and she also wants to spend time with friends and family, before she is going to study abroad for a year.
    When someone gives you disclaimers like this, believe them. Regardless of whether you have chemistry (I believe you), it sounds to me like her priorities are elsewhere and the timing is bad--especially if she won't be available for a whole year. She may have thought things over rationally while you came home and decided she doesn't want to start anything with anyone until she's at a set location.

    If you surprise her with a visit during this time you could very well scare her off for good. Also, I feel like most people would be pretty keen via the phone if they were interested in developing a relationship further, but it sounds like she has already made a decision not to get too involved at this point.

    As hard as it is, don't put your life on hold as she's told you upfront her priority is her career. Be open to other women and if she happens to come back into your life in a real way after she's done with her assignment abroad or whatever it is, then great. But the timing seems off on this one and it sounds like she has said as much.

  7. #6

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    Thanks for the reply! I think you are right in what you are saying. I did forget to mention though, that when she told me these things, she also told me that she still felt like talking with me and that's what made me so confused.

  8. #7
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    Well, for one thing I don't think that you can be in love or think that you've found your "soulmate" after only meeting in person two or three times and only kissing briefly. I'm not saying you can't like someone from this but to say she is your soulmate is just projection I think. I mean, you weren't even really dating. You only talked online, then met only a couple of times. I think maybe you were being a bit too full-on with your feelings and might have scared her off. I don't think she feels as strongly about you as you do about her because basically she has told you that she doesn't want to date you. All the stuff she's saying like "want to focus on my friends" is just excuses. If you like someone, you would make the time to see them and you would be contacting them. It's as simple as that. I think she might have said that she still wants to keep talking to you maybe because she enjoys your attention or to keep her options open. But I don't think she sounds that keen, sorry.

  9. #8
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    She likes you from afar--the ego boost that you're into her, so she can go about the tasks of her career goals without having to put in the daily effort of a real relationship. She gets a little attention that doesn't interrupt her goals.

    LDRs have a high risk of failure when starting that way. You can't date at a normal pace. You were going to spend a solid 2 months at her location if she allowed it, which isn't a normal pace and would've been smothering and overwhelming after only a few dates.

    A surprise visit after she's shunned a proposal for you to visit on your 2 month break would probably have her calling the police. There will be other women you will have chemistry with. Chemistry is not an uncommon thing to have with others, and happens regularly over one's lifetime. But the other person also has to be a willing participant for relationship to progress. This thing with her is regressing before it even starts.

    Let her know you can't communicate with her any longer since you both want different things. Keeping in contact will prevent you from seeking out single, available women. And when you eventually get a gf, she would probably stop dating you if you're communicating with a woman you have a crush on. Good luck.

  10. #9
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    I agree with all the others - it's infatuation you're experiencing, not love. That's not to underestimate how powerful the feelings can be!

    Just let it go; if you turn up unexpectedly it will really freak her out; she's pulling away from you, and you need to let her.

    Keep your dignity, and there will come a time when this will all seem like a pleasant dream from long ago... just don't try to push it any further.

  11. 01-04-2019, 12:02 AM


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