is this pathetic too needy or bad?

short term ex broke it off and did tell me a reason which was that somethings missing. i said i understood but also was straightforward about my feelings and said i really like him. then i asked for more info and if the breakup due specifically to chemistry. i also said they dont have to say if they dont want 2. they never replied and now i feel emptier. i now feel ghosted... even tho we were on good terms.

was this a bad move? do i now come across as pathetic in my last impression to him? i wont be contacting again, but dont want my last impression to be a pathetic and needy freak.

your questions are valid and reasonable - in the moment. if you were to keep at it and insist on an answer and plead with him, that would be pathetic.

people don’t necessarily owe others a full explanation as to why it isn’t working. the point is - it isn’t working. matters of the heart are different from other things in that if it’s not working it isn’t - and probably won’t change. so talking more about it doesn’t really fix or change things.. Especially, if they’re not so interested in talking more about it it means even if talking COULD change and fix it, they’re not interested in fixing it.

so no.. pushing or pleading or demanding explanations from people on break-ups is never really a productive practice. In the end, closure comes from within. And it comes down to this - if they don’t want to continue with you... does it really matter why and what lead to it? It may be for our own internal growth and progress but trust me on this - whatever the other person says is not what ends up providing you the internal growth and progress.

How long were you dating? Why did you specifically ask about chemistry? Most people dating short term just lose steam and want a clean break. No one wants to hurt anyone's feelings. Also once someone ends things they don't want protracted discussions, which are often thinly veiled attempts to keep up the conversation and keep things going.

Exit interviews are never a good idea. What's the point? Whatever he would have said is specific to whatever his reasons are and have nothing to do with you. Since you are going no contact who cares what he thinks? Just brush it off so you can move forward.

short term ex broke it off and did tell me a reason which was that somethings missing. i asked for more info and if the breakup due specifically to chemistry. they never replied

it was about a month

You had every right to ask those questions.

You was not needy or pathetic.

He was pathetic for ending it via text and leaving you the need to ask the question.

His loss not yours.

Onwards and upwards.

do i now come across as pathetic in my last impression to him? i wont be contacting again, but dont want my last impression to be a pathetic and needy freak.

No, you don't come off as needy. You weren't compatible, whatever the reason. Don't tear yourself up about it. Something one person might find annoying, another person might find it charming. If you want to post something about the relationship and what went on, we can give you some advice on anything you did or he did wrong.

I dont think you were pathetic etc., you were asking questions so you can figure out what went wrong. As long as you dont persist in asking more questions or bugging him, then you did fine.

that's the problem i cant pinpoint anything that went wrong.... we had fun dates... were romantic, send each other photo and video. sometimes ocasionaly i get shy but i told myself to be open honest so that he knew where i stood... i thought there was conenction and that things could progress into something deeper and honest i really wanted it 2. we went to an amusement park and had a blast.. we had a gap of not seeing each other bc traveling so there was that but stayedi n touch still sent message.... so. maybe i text 2 much but he texted 2.. maybe we over comunicated.. i know short term is nothing no big deal, but still hurts so much

no i wont be contacting anymore, just wish i didnt lose my pride by asking for more info..

Look, asking politely the way you did was fine. People do this all the time. Nothing pathetic about it and you really have no reason to beat yourself up over that.

However, you did tell that if he doesn't want to talk about it, it's OK. So, his lack of response is a response and one you allowed for anyway - he doesn't want to discuss it. I mean he took the option you openly gave him yourself.

Honestly, yes you may have had some very nice dates, but in one month....you really don't even know each other enough to have anything to fix or any great reasons for ending things outside of just personal tastes and preferences. What he does and doesn't want has nothing to do with you as a person and isn't a commentary on your value. A simple case of you were more into him than he was into you. This one sided thing happens all the time and I'm sure has happened to you in reverse, where the guy was super into you but you just weren't feeling it and can you really define that not feeling it? Most of the time you just can't.

When you date, the key is to find the right person for you. If you know that this person is not the right one for you, you move on. Its not that you aren't wonderful - you are. Its not about physical beauty. Its sometimes something intangible. WHen i met my guy, everything seemed very natural. We talked for hours. we had similar values. He probably cannot tell you exactly what it is -- you will find your puzzle piece and so will he. I went out with a guy i never called or responded to again because i felt unsafe. I went out with a guy where things sort of petered out after two dates.

As far as "breaking up over text" -- i don't think this was cowardly at all - if someone goes out on 4 dates, if they don't want to continue, they simply don't ask the person out on a fifth date. If you had dated for 8 months - yes, he should tell you in person. He could have just ghosted you and never said anything - i don't know if you contact him to ask him out which prompted this, etc, but i don't think a "i enjoyed the restaurant last night. Thanks for going with me. I don't feel that its a long term connection. I wish you the best and hope you find the right match" is wrong - its actually pretty honest if they are a big texter and most of your communication has been by text. If he had called you, would you have begged and pleaded on the phone?

I think bottom line its not really about him - its the fact that you got invested very quickly. I was in that boat once and was devastated - i actually knew the guy for a little bit before - and I thought it was a sure thing he'd want to go out with me because we got along great, etc, and it never got off the ground.

When you date - also be evaluating guys. Red flags? Similar values? could you date them long term? And therefore you can also make the decision not to continue if you don't want to. And if a guy decides that it is only 3 dates and out, then say "next" and move on.

--

Some times no matter how well the first few dates went things just don't pan out. You may have felt or hoped for a connection but for whatever reason it fizzled out. Who knows maybe an ex came back, maybe he met someone maybe he's a serial dater. Nothing in particular 'went wrong". He didn't ghost you, he had the courtesy to say he wasn't feeling it so you could move on.

Next time avoid TMI and too much too soon. Don't get attached or sleep with someone right away if you feel vulnerable because of it. And do not do this: "i told myself to be open honest so that he knew where i stood". Other than saying "I had a great time", it's best not to pour your heart out to anyone you've only dated a few times in 4 weeks time.

that's the problem i cant pinpoint anything that went wrong.... we had fun dates...maybe i text 2 much but he texted 2.

Baby, baby... let me tell you; it's his loss. Move on, he is obviousely not right for you. I know, I know easier said than done. I guess it gets easier to weed them out with experience. Maybe you don't have an experiential record with men. I appreciate his straightforwardness, and would be excited to see what better God has in store for you. It is possible if you blow him off and move on he will notice the security and independence you possess and be attracted back to you. But, if not- who wants someone who does'nt want them. Ofcourse you can not see this through rose colored glasses, so take em off. Obviousely he does not value you, or he would not have rejected you in a politicly correct way. You have to admire the communication, and security he modeled for you. I do, I love wisdom, and maturity.

Hey sorry just reading this and I had another thought. Obviousely it was him, and not you. He said so. Something was missing, for him. Not you, or in you. Sounds like he could have been waiting for a certain 'type,' of woman who has every quality he desires in a woman. Well, you on the other hand did not meet up to his standards, obviousely. I say all this with sarcasm. Maybe he did not think you were good enough for him, or he wanted better. What a joke. If the guy is so immature he's not able to let love blossom, let him go pick another flower. It might be a dandillion when he picks it, and everyone knows how long the beuty of a Dandillion last. He's not ready for the beuaty of you as a rose yet. Men mature later than women. Give it some time, he'll be sad when he sees you as a rose in the full beauty that your full bloom will radiate. He may have lost his chance with you by then, or maybe yalls timing will be better then. But after he picks a bunch of dandillions and he learns what he really should have valued is you as a rose then who knows. I did not answer your question about sounding to needy, sorry I will now. If he were a mature man he would be able to communicate openly with you. And girl, don't doubt yourself... I know your just trying to perfect your approach.