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Thread: I'm in a weird situation with someone I am interested in

  1. #21
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    Ok, I'll give all of that a shot. I just don't want her to drop breadcrumbs and just dragging me along giving me hope. The other day she called me after she left work and she acted like she was so happy to talk to me. This is killing me.
    That's why I keep saying to give yourself a time limit on how long you'll wait on her. You can't control what she does, but can control what you do. If you give this 2 months and that's your cut off, then you can be at peace and just be friendly with her in the meantime, right? Like you know and you decided on the end game so it's not longer her stringing you along. Like you don't need to worry about it because you already know what YOU are doing.

  2. #22
    Gold Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    females tend to not be direct because they “don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
    a female that has interest in you won’t turn you down and let you go. they’re going to make sure they don’t lose you.

    thus. its clear she’s not interested in you and the “need time for myself, not ready to date yet” is a usable line to gently reject you without hurting your feelings. because i can guarantee you if the man of their dreams were to show up 1 day later - they woudln’t be saying no to that guy.

    texting and talking to you for 2 weeks does not make the foundation of a relationship or interest. Especially when she shows up to an event and never made mention or invited you or communicated it to you. See.. if she had any interest in you, she would have made sure to communicate it to you and made sure you both realized you would be there and make plans to ensure you crossed paths and spent time together and looked forward to attending together. let me guess.. you sat together because YOU insisted or made sure that happened... not her right?

    Time to move on. She has no interest in you romantically. Sorry.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by thisisrichey
    females tend to not be direct because they “don’t want to hurt your feelings.”
    a female that has interest in you won’t turn you down and let you go. they’re going to make sure they don’t lose you.

    thus. its clear she’s not interested in you and the “need time for myself, not ready to date yet” is a usable line to gently reject you without hurting your feelings. because i can guarantee you if the man of their dreams were to show up 1 day later - they woudln’t be saying no to that guy.

    texting and talking to you for 2 weeks does not make the foundation of a relationship or interest. Especially when she shows up to an event and never made mention or invited you or communicated it to you. See.. if she had any interest in you, she would have made sure to communicate it to you and made sure you both realized you would be there and make plans to ensure you crossed paths and spent time together and looked forward to attending together. let me guess.. you sat together because YOU insisted or made sure that happened... not her right?

    Time to move on. She has no interest in you romantically. Sorry.
    She knew about the event because she heard me talking about it. But I never invited her to come and she ever told me she was going. She just happened to show up. And like I mentioned above, she's the one that was nudging for exclusively but when I started putting it into action, she kinda started backing off. I agree with the majority response here that she probably legitimately needs time to heal from the last relationship. Now that I think about it more, I remember her saying to me she wanted to start over with me... whatever that means.

    I think the bottom line here is that my actions should be the same wether she really does need time or she's not really interested in me anymore.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    That's why I keep saying to give yourself a time limit on how long you'll wait on her. You can't control what she does, but can control what you do. If you give this 2 months and that's your cut off, then you can be at peace and just be friendly with her in the meantime, right? Like you know and you decided on the end game so it's not longer her stringing you along. Like you don't need to worry about it because you already know what YOU are doing.
    Yes, you're right. I don't mind waiting two months if she legit needs the time. I also have to see some kind of progress of her coming around during this time period. But in the mean time, the holidays are coming so I'll be busy with family and friends. She's also going away for two weeks to visit family. So it's forced on us to be away from each other anyway, so it probably worked out well this way.

    I did not insist she sit next to me. After the service was over, she came to me and said hello and hugged me. She then followed me into the church hall.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    Yes, you're right. I don't mind waiting two months if she legit needs the time. I also have to see some kind of progress of her coming around during this time period. But in the mean time, the holidays are coming so I'll be busy with family and friends. She's also going away for two weeks to visit family. So it's forced on us to be away from each other anyway, so it probably worked out well this way.

    I did not insist she sit next to me. After the service was over, she came to me and said hello and hugged me. She then followed me into the church hall.
    Then I'd suggest that you maybe try to see where you are at with her after the holidays. I don't mean going completely silent, just be friendly as you were in the past. That's all. After the holiday craziness is over and you are both back and recovered, you can ask again. If it's still a no, then you cut loose from her. This way you won't have to look back and wonder what if and you won't get strung along forever either. A kind of balanced win/win.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Then I'd suggest that you maybe try to see where you are at with her after the holidays. I don't mean going completely silent, just be friendly as you were in the past. That's all. After the holiday craziness is over and you are both back and recovered, you can ask again. If it's still a no, then you cut loose from her. This way you won't have to look back and wonder what if and you won't get strung along forever either. A kind of balanced win/win.
    Yes, I like this plan. I don't remember if I mentioned this here in this thread but when we had the talk two weeks ago, she asked for time to focus on herself. I asked her how long she thinks she needs and she told me "not long" and I just left it at that.

    Do you think in the meantime I should be flirting with her? Complementing her?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try not to push her away with that type of thing. When someone tells you they don't want to date and need space this is the last thing you should be doing. She already knows you are interested so don't blow it by becoming overbearing flirting, complimenting, etc..
    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    she asked for time to focus on herself.
    Do you think in the meantime I should be flirting with her? Complementing her?

  9. #28
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    Well, the way I see it, you don't want to just be this girl's friend, you want to date her. So I don't see why you should be putting yourself in a vulnerable position to get hurt if you continue being her friend. Being her friend may get you absolutely nowhere except she'll just be using you to get attention and admiration while she's getting over her ex. I think the fact that she said she's not really looking to date and she needs time is not a good sign for you. It means that she's either not sure about you specifically, or she's still not over her ex, or both. If she wanted to date you then I don't see why she would need time. I agree with the posters that said that she may just want to have you as someone to lean on while she gets over her break-up. I don't understand why there was a comment that you should be told to "f off". I mean, what are you supposed to do, sit around waiting for her while she dates other guys? I think it's great you were assertive and you stood up for yourself.

    I think you shouldn't be her friend personally. I think you should go No Contact for a few weeks. If she wants to date you, she can come to you herself. You can wait a few weeks and if she doesn't want to date, then just start seeing other women. But I think don't just be her friend because then you will make yourself too available for her and too easy to be used as a rebound.

  10. #29
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    She called me on her way home from work yesterday and we talked until she got home. We didn't talk about the relationship, just regular, funny conversation. I think I need to start making myself less available. I also should start hanging out with my friends more and also making new friends.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This is an excellent idea. She knows how you feel, she knows how to contact you. This way you can relax and carry on and if changes her mind and wants to date, you'll know.
    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    I think I need to start making myself less available. I also should start hanging out with my friends more and also making new friends.

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