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Thread: I'm in a weird situation with someone I am interested in

  1. #11
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    So she’s recently gone through a break up, you initiate the exclusive conversation and when she says she’s not ready, you 1.) demand a set amount of time for becoming ready, and 2.) threaten that if she dates anyone else then you’re not interested in her??

    If you truly cared about her, this would not be your thought process. I probably would’ve told you to go F yourself.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Sounds to me like you are really smitten and very very eager to be with her. Unfortunately, she has made it very clear to you that she isn't that interested in you. You've known each other for awhile and I'll be very very honest with you - I'd never tell a guy I'm really into that I can't date him and want personal space. It's something I'd say to a guy I'm friend zoning. Sure, she still wants to talk to you, hang out with you when she feels like it or when she is feeling lonely and the fact that you are into her boosts her ego and that feels nice for her, but......

    Basically, it's only been a couple of weeks, so chill out. You shouldn't be asking anything or reading anything into anything she is or isn't doing. She asked for space, so give her a couple of months at least before you even consider bringing up your desire for dating her again. If you can't wait that long, then probably best that you just move on. If you are willing to wait, then take a deep breath and wait and just be friendly in the meantime.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This and communicating with and hanging out with you are all signs of her leaning on you to assuage her breakup, but not in dating. Yes it's a friendzone kind of thing. Don't wait around. Be polite and friendly but don't hold her hand through her breakup so she heals and then moves on. Let her miss you.
    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    It wasn't my church (or her church), it was some other church. She just knew I was going and just shows up. Why on Earth would she just shown up? It's so weird.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sounds to me like you are really smitten and very very eager to be with her. Unfortunately, she has made it very clear to you that she isn't that interested in you. You've known each other for awhile and I'll be very very honest with you - I'd never tell a guy I'm really into that I can't date him and want personal space. It's something I'd say to a guy I'm friend zoning. Sure, she still wants to talk to you, hang out with you when she feels like it or when she is feeling lonely and the fact that you are into her boosts her ego and that feels nice for her, but......

    Basically, it's only been a couple of weeks, so chill out. You shouldn't be asking anything or reading anything into anything she is or isn't doing. She asked for space, so give her a couple of months at least before you even consider bringing up your desire for dating her again. If you can't wait that long, then probably best that you just move on. If you are willing to wait, then take a deep breath and wait and just be friendly in the meantime.
    Yeah I do like her a lot. So you think she just showed up unannounced to the event because she was just bored? Should I no longer initiate conversation with her? I need help figuring out what to do next.

    All of this is weird because she acted and mentioned she was totally into me. Maybe she really does feel like she needs to work on herself first. I just don't want to be strung along.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    So she’s recently gone through a break up, you initiate the exclusive conversation and when she says she’s not ready, you 1.) demand a set amount of time for becoming ready, and 2.) threaten that if she dates anyone else then you’re not interested in her??

    If you truly cared about her, this would not be your thought process. I probably would’ve told you to go F yourself.
    I didn't threaten anything. If she's dating other guys while she tells me she only want to focus on herself, then it's someone I'm not interested in dating anymore. I'm not going to be her second or third B*.

    And btw, she was the one that kinda nudged the exclusively conversation and I set it into motion. All I heard from her while we were dating was how awesome and amazing I am and how she wished she met me when she was 18. So if she is capable of saying that, then not go into exclusively after she nudged it, then tell me she she wants time to focus on herself, then go around dating other guys... That's crazy. I set the parameters. If she wants time, then I support her. If she wants time to date others, then I'm out. Simple right? :). Anyone that would respond with "f off" in this situation is doing me a favor.
    Last edited by BrokenGator; 11-30-2018 at 01:53 PM.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    This and communicating with and hanging out with you are all signs of her leaning on you to assuage her breakup, but not in dating. Yes it's a friendzone kind of thing. Don't wait around. Be polite and friendly but don't hold her hand through her breakup so she heals and then moves on. Let her miss you.
    So I shouldn't go out of my way to initiate contact? If she contacts me, not make myself readily available? I hate games. Why can't things just be more straightforward.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    Should I let her initiate most of the contract? Should I ask her how she is doing on the self-evaluation? Should I call her and tell her I liked seeing her last night when she showed up? Should I ask her why she showed up?

    And if I do ask her how it's all going for her, how should I respond and act towards her if she says she needs more time?

    No, don't ask her WHY she showed up. It's cool to say that you were GLAD she showed up and that it was nice to see her but asking her WHY just puts pressure on her.

    She's only recently single. She'll be getting all the advice from people telling her that she needs to take time out to work on herself, etc. She'll be grieving the last relationship, remembering the good and the bad and wanting to ensure she doesn't repeat the same mistakes.

    Just be her friend. Don't give up, definitely don't tell her about other girls (some guys do this to try to make a girl jealous, or to pressure her into committing, or even to let her know it's "safe" to hang out with them), just be nice and consistent and someone she can rely on.

    And stop overthinking everything!! Focus on yourself and your own life, do stuff that makes you happy, but continue being nice to her and open ti her. Let her build trust in you.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    So I shouldn't go out of my way to initiate contact? If she contacts me, not make myself readily available? I hate games. Why can't things just be more straightforward.
    Just be straight forward. Playing games is just counterproductive and will make her think you don't like her. Which will turn her off and make her think you were just after one thing.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BrokenGator
    Yeah I do like her a lot. So you think she just showed up unannounced to the event because she was just bored? Should I no longer initiate conversation with her? I need help figuring out what to do next.

    All of this is weird because she acted and mentioned she was totally into me. Maybe she really does feel like she needs to work on herself first. I just don't want to be strung along.
    Yes, I do think she was feeling lonely, knew where you'd be and it kind of worked for her that way.

    Anyway, I think you need to be straightforward with yourself - no games, just give yourself a time limit on how long you are willing to wait on her and be reasonable about it. Like I said, if you can be patient for a couple of months, great. Then be straight with her and just ask again if she is interested in dating you. If she says no or gives you any kind of a wishy washy answer, or that she still needs more time, basically anything other than an enthusiastic "yes I want to date you", then take it as a no and move on permanently.

    Meanwhile just be friends like you were before you tried to date? Whatever the dynamic was then? Just go back to that and so no games and no pressure either way. Hang out if you want, talk if you want how friends would. If you don't want to play games, then don't...you know.

  11. #20
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    Ok, I'll give all of that a shot. I just don't want her to drop breadcrumbs and just dragging me along giving me hope. The other day she called me after she left work and she acted like she was so happy to talk to me. This is killing me.

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