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Thread: Update about my SIL

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Glad to hear this. When he said "he would be telling...", what does that mean? Did he suggest SIL tell them this, or will he tell them himself?

    I'm guessing that this means it was not SIL who's been resistant to receiving help, but rather the parents?
    She was bemoaning to him that she had been talking to her parents about getting help and they keep saying yeah yeah yeah but never do a thing about it . My father-in-law doesn’t want anyone in his house that is not his family and unfortunately my mother-in-law will agree with anything he states . They have not had a person in their house that was not family in probably 40 years . My father-in-law will not tolerate it . And my mother-in-law is afraid that my father-in-law will get violent with any people who come to help . Especially in. his confused state . The last time he was in the hospital he was round house kicking nurses from the bed they had to sedate him into unconsciousness for five weeks . The rest of the time he had to be tied to the bed . He wants do what he wants when he wants and nobody’s going to tell him shyte. He had a flu that went to his brain and he was in the hospital for five weeks about six years ago . He got to that state because he refused to go to a doctor until he collapsed and my mother-in-law had to call an ambulance for him . Personally, we all think he has PTSD from living through the war as a kid . And I recognized his symptoms from having my own PTSD and my husband’s therapist pretty much agreed . Since my father-in-law thinks Mental Health is BS and now doesn’t have any state of mind to think about anything ..... Everything is pretty much up to my MIL. And she just says yeah yeah yeah yeah to your face because she doesn’t want confrontation and does what she wants after . All of this is leading to my sister-in-law being burnt out .

    My husband said he would step in with his parents . And demand that they get help or he will start calling himself and that they are just going to have to tolerate help or they’re going to a home .

    Personally, I think my mother-in-law stepped in and made my sister-in-law apologize my husband thinks that too. With a tinge of Gee we might be the only people she has left one her parents die . And well my husband will never consider her an enemy she knows that I would and that would get her absolutely nowhere with her brother . But he said he would go to bat for her with his mom . I think that’s the set up for them to be mad at him .

    She also said she didn’t know what to do when I started to cry . She said she’s never seen me cry. And my husband told her that she very much hurt my feelings by attacking him because I love him very much .

  2. #12
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    She is also the sole executor of their will and we were told 15 years ago none of our business what is in it. This tells me she is getting everything.

  3. #13
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    Omg he is SUCH a patsy azz when it is his parents. 😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬
    Not going anymore. He allowed his mom to fluff him off again. He just has NO spine when it has to do with these people.

  4. #14
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    He sounds very conflict-avoidant. Wanting to say whatever he needs to say to appease his parents, to keep the peace. I know this puts you in a difficult position, I'm sorry to hear it.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    He sounds very conflict-avoidant. Wanting to say whatever he needs to say to appease his parents, to keep the peace. I know this puts you in a difficult position, I'm sorry to hear it.
    Absolutely, he is . His mother is completely conflict avoidant and will tell you anything to avoid conflict . And he is much the same especially with them . But don’t forget he was completely emotionally battered by his parents so he just totally caves when they say anything . He’s not conflict avoidant with me but absolutely with them . But we have a true relationship with each other theirs is very fake .

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Absolutely, he is . His mother is completely conflict avoidant and will tell you anything to avoid conflict . And he is much the same especially with them . But don’t forget he was completely emotionally battered by his parents so he just totally caves when they say anything . He’s not conflict avoidant with me but absolutely with them . But we have a true relationship with each other theirs is very fake .
    Right, so he'll say anything to them to keep the peace, to smooth everything over. He'll even be the "bad guy", just to keep family peace.

    While I know it's annoying, it's actually him trying to make the best extended life for both you and your son, as any major conflict would affect your son's relationship with his grandparents.

    Good for you for maintaining a relationship in which there is enough space for him to feel comfortable to raise issues and resolve them with you, in a normal manner. You are what he has needed his whole life, and I can see why you have such a successful marriage.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Right, so he'll say anything to them to keep the peace, to smooth everything over. He'll even be the "bad guy", just to keep family peace.

    While I know it's annoying, it's actually him trying to make the best extended life for both you and your son, as any major conflict would affect your son's relationship with his grandparents.

    Good for you for maintaining a relationship in which there is enough space for him to feel comfortable to raise issues and resolve them with you, in a normal manner. You are what he has needed his whole life, and I can see why you have such a successful marriage.
    Thanks LH.

    Basically , his mom said a friend’s cousins brother’ Girlfriend’s cousin( sarcasm) cleaned houses and they might get her to help sometime. 🙄

    Meanwhile, I am saying very loudly in the background, “ you guys need care and respite so your daughter can have a damned break. You are wearing her out.” And my husband was shushing me.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Right, so he'll say anything to them to keep the peace, to smooth everything over. He'll even be the "bad guy", just to keep family peace.

    While I know it's annoying, it's actually him trying to make the best extended life for both you and your son, as any major conflict would affect your son's relationship with his grandparents.

    Good for you for maintaining a relationship in which there is enough space for him to feel comfortable to raise issues and resolve them with you, in a normal manner. You are what he has needed his whole life, and I can see why you have such a successful marriage.
    Thanks LH.

    Basically , his mom said a friend’s cousins brother’ Girlfriend’s cousin( sarcasm) cleaned houses and they might get her to help sometime. 🙄

    Meanwhile, I am saying very loudly in the background, “ you guys need care and respite so your daughter can have a damned break. You are wearing her out.” And my husband was shushing me.

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