Friend/coworker flirting with my crush?

basically i have a coworker who i have gotten close to and hang out with outside of work so i would consider her a friend. she knows that i was kind of interested in our other coworker. he's honestly kind of an f boy and will do subtle things like snapchat gym pics and rub my arm and shoulders. then also talk about how everyone wants to bang him. so this is honestly not so much about him, im so over wanting guys like him.

 

its that she at first essentially said she doesnt want him so i can have him, which already rubbed me the wrong way bc our friendship was new and i was like woah what makes you think i would need you to bow out in order for me to be able to have him. hes not her type, and they barely talked so i brushed it off. but me and him became friends at the same time that her and i's friendship grew so naturally i brought them closer in friendship. before she honestly kind of avoided him and she told me it was on purpose since hes the type to think everyone wants him. i told her i knew she was probably doing that and i dont like giving him the satisfsction of flirting back either since its just a game to him. but when i said i feel like her avoiding him makes him more curious about her, her eyes kind of lit up.

 

fast forward, we all went out to get a drink and he added us on insta. she then later initiated a group chat with him and i which i thought was kind of weird. like its always just work related jokes we send but if shes so uninterested in him why bother growing that relationship outside of work. then she was telling me she was joking with him about other coworkers. to me its annoying because i know how girls are and i feel like she's seeking him out just little bc of the fact that i liked him and him and i had a friendship first. im not trying to sound childish i just want to get this out bc i know im not making stuff up in my head and this is such a stupid problem that i wanna hear what other people think. idk if im painting the best picture just how shes doing it is in that super subtle competitive way that girls do. and im irritated that friends still are like this in their 20s.

You don’t have claim to him and neither does she.

 

No problem here, other than petty workplace drama.

You're better off keeping your personal/work life separate. You're not there to look for dates, you're there to do a job. In short, it pays to know the difference.

I'm sorry, but all of this is silly.

The guy sounds like an azz. I cannot understand why anyone would be interested in him.

 

You sound like you are in junior high.

Well I feel like obviously you actually are into this guy if it's actually bothering you that your friend is talking to him. Otherwise I don't really see why you would mind so much. I agree that there sort of is a "friend code" where you don't go after someone your friend likes but I'd say she obviously likes him too. As you said, he's a bit of a player, so he's giving attention to both of you. I mean, as someone said, neither of you is actually with this guy so it's not like either of you is stepping onto the other's territory. I think if you don't want to hookup or date this guy anyway then just let it go and let your friend have him. As others have said, it's probably not a good idea to get involved with a colleague anyway.

Yeah, there's too much high school stuff going on. You might want to pull back from participating in any gossiping and stop this guy from rubbing your shoulders and fooling around at work. Try to keep it a little professional.

but when i said i feel like her avoiding him makes him more curious about her, her eyes kind of lit up.

 

It sounds to me like you don't like this girl and are looking to justify those feelings.

 

fast forward, we all went out to get a drink and he added us on insta. she then later initiated a group chat with him and i which i thought was kind of weird. like its always just work related jokes we send but if shes so uninterested in him why bother growing that relationship outside of work. then she was telling me she was joking with him about other coworkers. to me its annoying because i know how girls are and i feel like she's seeking him out just little bc of the fact that i liked him and him and i had a friendship first. im not trying to sound childish i just want to get this out bc i know im not making stuff up in my head and this is such a stupid problem that i wanna hear what other people think. idk if im painting the best picture just how shes doing it is in that super subtle competitive way that girls do. and im irritated that friends still are like this in their 20s.

 

It is a particularly stupid problem because you don't even like this guy. And you do sound very childish. The comments you are making here make you look jealous, actually.

 

Your conclusions are both naive and judgmental.

 

It also sounds like you are inclined to think poorly of women. This makes me feel sorry for you, since (I'm guessing) you are a woman.

 

Live and let live. Life is too short.

i know how girls are

No, I think you know how you are. I know plenty of "girls" who don't get territorial or dramatic over colleagues they've allegedly got no romantic interest in. I'd focus on your work. Or even on perhaps not blending your professional and social lives so much if this is where it's getting you.

Getting on some dating apps and meeting and dating guys who are interested in you and don't work with you would solve this problem. Don't be catty at work. Go to work in order to work. It's not a singles bar.

this one is simple. this is a cross between females being super competitive + playing hard to get.

 

she’s always liked and wanted him but needed to play hard to get (defense mechanism to not be or feel rejected). the whole “you can have him” is the whole fierce female competitive nature. notice, YOU aren’t even interested in him but you coudln’t let that go even though you didnt’ want him. you’re immediate reaction was “what makes you think i need you to step aside to get him?”. see? So your’e both the same and acting the same.

 

Now that you came back at her to give HER the “i dont’ want him either” and then made a comment that maybe he likes her or there is potential (whatever the reason) - OF COURSE she lit up. She liked him all along and as soon as the fear of rejection was reduced - she went for it a bit and to see if it was true.

 

This one is simple if you just consider the female mind.

This one is simple if you just consider the female mind.

 

Females have the same minds as males, Richey.

As someone who got too close to a co-worker, I'd say stay away from him, you don't need this drama in your life. You don't want to learn that the hard way, just stay professional at work, and focus on building relationships outside of work. If you are not into dating apps, try to take a class, or go out with your girlfriends. It sound so simple but it helps me a lot if I have a busy social life.

This one is simple if you just consider the female mind.

 

Not all females have the mind of a silly teenager. Honest.

This one is simple if you just consider the female mind.

 

Any male and female in their teens actually lol

 

In all seriousness you can choose to behave like a grown a$$ adult OP and step away from the drama. This guy sounds like an idiot... let the two of them go at it!