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Thread: Coparenting with an idiot|Length

  1. #1
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    Coparenting with an idiot|Length

    So I finally broke up with my ex and kicked him out. I had to get a protection order because of threats and violence. So now Iím not sure if Iím being too hard or what, but I think Iím fair. I have a protective order against my childís father, only for me. However there is specific jargon about his right to see her basically saying everything needs to communicated through his sister, who is our point of contact. Heís upset because having a Protective order against him takes his right to carry or possess a firearm away from him. So he can basically see her as long as itís not an inconvenience to me. We communicate through the sister and we make arrangements for my daughter to see him, which usually Iíll drop her to the sisters house and then pick her up. But one day he decided to go get her from school without asking if it were ok or letting me know. I went to pick my daughter up from cheer and they informed me she wasnít there. Of course I was upset. I told him that I would have the order modified to say specifically that I need to be notified and that itís okay. I hadnít had time to do it. So today I got a text from his sister saying my daughter wanted to go with her dad so he has her. And again like disrespect slapped in my face because he didnít confirm that it was okay before he picked her up so itís like while youíre telling me you have her youíre still going about it the wrong way. And they have an event at school tonight and $150 is due for a trip. So I explained that wasnít the right way to do it but since he had her to take her to the event and pay the $150 for the trip( the trip he says he canít pay anything on until maybe Friday). Now he dropped her to his sisters house where she says she will bring her home. Well sheís suppose to be in cheer after school and I have a new address which I want neither of them aware of my new address. So I donít know what to do. I spoke with the advocate that says I can file a motion for contempt or to modify or both. But I want him involved with my daughter but not just anyway he feels he can do it. And he also talks bad about me to her which I donít appreciate so itís like Iím not sure if she should even be around him without supervision.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get supervised visitation in writing. Get everything in writing and through the courts. Get strict child support orders. Make sure visitation is a very strict and specific schedule. Make sure the school has a copy of the protective and visitation order. you need to do more. Protect yourself and your daughter, he's angry, violent and could turn on anyone having to do with you. Enlist more help from your own family and of course courts and your advocate/attorney. Don't play with your or her safely because he continues to intimidate and abuse. Do not speak to him directly. Do not ask for "extras" with regard to child support. Stop the war with him and think about logic, safety and what's best for your daughter.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get supervised visitation in writing. Get everything in writing and through the courts. Get strict child support orders. Make sure visitation is a very strict and specific schedule. Make sure the school has a copy of the protective and visitation order. you need to do more. Protect yourself and your daughter, he's angry, violent and could turn on anyone having to do with you. Enlist more help from your own family and of course courts and your advocate/attorney. Don't play with your or her safely because he continues to intimidate and abuse. Do not speak to him directly. Do not ask for "extras" with regard to child support. Stop the war with him and think about logic, safety and what's best for your daughter.
    The only thing I ask for is $30 a week plus field trip cost which hasnít been an issue getting. My main concern is not wanting to seem like Iím trying to control everything. I feel like it still should be asked if itís ok to pick her up versus picking her up and saying I got her.

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    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I understand this was not your question, but you're not "trying to control everything" by seeking child support. This is his obligation as it's for his child whom he fathered.

    Of course it's your call, yet you have a stronger leg to stand on by going through the court system. In any event, I agree this issue with picking her up from school needs to be addressed, sooner rather than later.

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    It doesn't matter whether it looks like you're trying to control everything, you should be! He needs to stick to the rules. Do what Wiseman outlined. The school should be notified that your ex and his sister are not allowed to pick up your child. If you are lax in this, you don't know what could happen. Your ex suddenly decides to take your daughter for a weekend or a week without telling you, or he decides to take off with her and he could be three states away before you know it. It happens!
    You've got to be harsh on this. This is not the time to be "nice."

  7. #6
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    The only thing I ask for is $30 a week plus field trip cost which hasnít been an issue getting. My main concern is not wanting to seem like Iím trying to control everything. I feel like it still should be asked if itís ok to pick her up versus picking her up and saying I got her.
    There is a difference between controlling things and ensuring your daughter is taken care of. What you spoke of implies that HE is the one that is trying to be controlling, by letting you know that he has no desire to follow the court ordered visitation schedule. It is to your daughters benefit for her to have consistency with you and her father, and it is to her benefit that he doesn't wiggle out of paying child support.

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    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    The only thing I ask for is $30 a week plus field trip cost which hasnít been an issue getting. My main concern is not wanting to seem like Iím trying to control everything. I feel like it still should be asked if itís ok to pick her up versus picking her up and saying I got her.
    That's nuts! You are allowing him to control things, by not reporting these incidents. Stop all Of this! You need to follow Wiseman's advice, you are being far too passive. This guy is dangerous!

    Why in the hell is he only paying $30 a week?

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    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get supervised visitation in writing. Get everything in writing and through the courts. Get strict child support orders. Make sure visitation is a very strict and specific schedule. Make sure the school has a copy of the protective and visitation order. you need to do more. Protect yourself and your daughter, he's angry, violent and could turn on anyone having to do with you. Enlist more help from your own family and of course courts and your advocate/attorney. Don't play with your or her safely because he continues to intimidate and abuse. Do not speak to him directly. Do not ask for "extras" with regard to child support. Stop the war with him and think about logic, safety and what's best for your daughter.
    Please do this!!!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    You broke up a few months ago after a 10 year relationship, to say emotions are high would be an understatement. I donít see either of you innocent here, youíre trying to pull rank and show you have the power and heís pushing back, this is about you two when it should be about your child. For the love of God, get a more competent advocate or please see a mediator who isnít going to pick sides. The only one losing right now is your child.

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    Okay, i am going to lay it down like this -

    i read one of your previous posts. He cheated and lied about it, you cheated also, he slept at his mother's which you hated -- nothing there sounds like this man was ever violent towards you.UNLESS is missed something somehow. At any rate, protective orders are not for people you simply don't like. They are for people who are a physical danger to you - who have threatened bodily harm etc. It sounds like the reason for the order is spite. And now you realize you bit your nose off because he cannot even contact you in a reasonable manner to coparent like two adults. For two grownups, it would be no big deal of daughter called her dad up and expressed an interest in seeing him and he texted you that he got a call from Daughter and giving you a head's up. She has a right to her father.

    So you don't like him and don't want to communicate about your daughter with him, so you give him a criminal record? you know if he applies for certain jobs, he now cannot have them? And his wages affect what child support he gives you. When you could have gone to court and decided communication and child support and visitation with a mediator? He now may be permanently barred from any job dealing with youth (coach, teacher, anything that has to do with young people) and any government job.

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