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Thread: Coparenting with an idiot|Length

  1. #11
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    Well sheís suppose to be in cheer after school and I have a new address which I want neither of them aware of my new address. So I donít know what to do. I spoke with the advocate that says I can file a motion for contempt or to modify or both.

    how are they in contempt if you won't allow your point of contact to drop the child off because you won't let her know where you live?
    Its the daughter that called dad to come and get her. And he can't contact you to tell you that. It would require him to contact the sister to contact you, wouldn't it?
    So you don't find out until she is at her aunt's house, who might have not known she was coming in the first place. So everyone is in contempt.

    Were you late picking up her daughter so she called her dad?
    Tell the school you are the only one allowed to pick her up or call your daughter to confirm you are coming to get her so she doesn't make other plans.

    It all sounds like a mess.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Okay, i am going to lay it down like this -

    i read one of your previous posts. He cheated and lied about it, you cheated also, he slept at his mother's which you hated -- nothing there sounds like this man was ever violent towards you.UNLESS is missed something somehow. At any rate, protective orders are not for people you simply don't like. They are for people who are a physical danger to you - who have threatened bodily harm etc. It sounds like the reason for the order is spite. And now you realize you bit your nose off because he cannot even contact you in a reasonable manner to coparent like two adults. For two grownups, it would be no big deal of daughter called her dad up and expressed an interest in seeing him and he texted you that he got a call from Daughter and giving you a head's up. She has a right to her father.

    So you don't like him and don't want to communicate about your daughter with him, so you give him a criminal record? you know if he applies for certain jobs, he now cannot have them? And his wages affect what child support he gives you. When you could have gone to court and decided communication and child support and visitation with a mediator? He now may be permanently barred from any job dealing with youth (coach, teacher, anything that has to do with young people) and any government job.
    He pulled a gun out on me twice. Cocked it back. Threatened my job, constantly destroyed things in my house, would pour water on me while I was sleep to make me talk to him, block my car in so that I could not make it to work. My previous post is not my life. And this post wasnít for anyone to decide whether the order is warranted, that wasnít my question so stick to the subject at hand before you go assuming everything wrong. And I didnít cheat, we werenít together when I moved on. Thank you.

  3. #13
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    Coparenting with an idiot|Length

    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Well sheís suppose to be in cheer after school and I have a new address which I want neither of them aware of my new address. So I donít know what to do. I spoke with the advocate that says I can file a motion for contempt or to modify or both.

    how are they in contempt if you won't allow your point of contact to drop the child off because you won't let her know where you live?
    Its the daughter that called dad to come and get her. And he can't contact you to tell you that. It would require him to contact the sister to contact you, wouldn't it?
    So you don't find out until she is at her aunt's house, who might have not known she was coming in the first place. So everyone is in contempt.

    Were you late picking up her daughter so she called her dad?
    Tell the school you are the only one allowed to pick her up or call your daughter to confirm you are coming to get her so she doesn't make other plans.

    It all sounds like a mess.
    She didnít call him, thatís not what my post states. He went to her school to see her and then took her because she asked to go. Sheís 7. It was 3 hours before school let out. I explained to him he needs to make sure itís okay because she and I may have plans.
    Last edited by undeniedshe; 11-30-2018 at 11:11 AM.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    I understand this was not your question, but you're not "trying to control everything" by seeking child support. This is his obligation as it's for his child whom he fathered.

    Of course it's your call, yet you have a stronger leg to stand on by going through the court system. In any event, I agree this issue with picking her up from school needs to be addressed, sooner rather than later.
    Not asking about child support. Iím asking is it too much to ask that he simply makes sure that it is okay to get her first before picking her up and saying HEY I TOOK HER. I want it to be a habit, what if we have plans (this has been the case before) or she has a Doctorís appointment etc etc.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You most definitely need to protect your daughter. Remember abusers will do anything to hurt, control and manipulate you. You must extend the restraining order to everywhere you are and you must get supervised visitation and make sure those documents are on file at her school.

    She is an innocent young child and certainly this monster can manipulate her. He does not care what is inconvenient for you or any sort of directives or requests from you. Remember his intention is harm, not compassion, not cooperation nor normal co-parenting.
    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    He pulled a gun out on me twice. Threatened my job, constantly destroyed things in my house, would pour water on me while I was sleep to make me talk to him, block my car in so that I could not make it to work.

  7. #16
    Bronze Member thisisrichey's Avatar
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    if he is not complying, then you need to push it and file whatever you have to to ensure he is compliant and the courts hold him to it. at the VERY least filing is a strong negotiating chip to get him to get his act together ďbefore you officially submit itĒ.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    He pulled a gun out on me twice. Cocked it back. Threatened my job, constantly destroyed things in my house, would pour water on me while I was sleep to make me talk to him, block my car in so that I could not make it to work. My previous post is not my life. And this post wasnít for anyone to decide whether the order is warranted, that wasnít my question so stick to the subject at hand before you go assuming everything wrong. And I didnít cheat, we werenít together when I moved on. Thank you.
    Then why is your daughter even allowed to see him without being supervised - ie, going to a visitation center, etc., vs being able to do whatever during his time? because you didn't offer this information it sounded like you were just simply wanting to take revenge for his cheating. And why is he even visiting the daughter at school - that's where she goes to learn - not to have relatives popping in to visit.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you have researched articles on partner violence. Hopefully you realize that there a abundant studies that calculate risk for both domestic violence and partner homicide. Unfortunately you already know it is domestic violence but hopefully you realize you are at a very high risk for partner homicide. These include owning a gun, threatening to kill you, etc. This is why the right to have firearms is suspended when a restraining order is issued. However do not get comfortable. He may lay low for a while but you and your daughter at very high risk for future violence.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    He pulled a gun out on me twice. Cocked it back. Threatened my job, constantly destroyed things in my house, would pour water on me while I was sleep to make me talk to him, block my car in so that I could not make it to work. My previous post is not my life. And this post wasnít for anyone to decide whether the order is warranted, that wasnít my question so stick to the subject at hand before you go assuming everything wrong. And I didnít cheat, we werenít together when I moved on. Thank you.
    Wait...so he did all that and your main concern is that he asks you before he gets your daughter? Thats a head scratcher.

    Also is there a reason you're being so crude and passive aggressive to posters. Not gonna lie, if you act like this to strangers I have to wonder how 'one sided' this toxic relationship was.

    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    Not asking about child support. Iím asking is it too much to ask that he simply makes sure that it is okay to get her first before picking her up and saying HEY I TOOK HER. I want it to be a habit, what if we have plans (this has been the case before) or she has a Doctorís appointment etc etc.
    So you want control and have things done on your terms rather than allowing the courts to create a parenting plan that limits your interaction and insures your daughter is financially taken care of?

    Yeah Im sorry, but you are not thinking clearly right now, again youre months out of a 10 year toxic relationship. You need someone mature, level headed and neutral to help settle things.

    I'm toxic and angry and so hurt when I'm around him.
    Your own words really resonate right now. I think this is your mental space.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This was to demonstrate to you and warn you that he can and will use your daughter to perpetuate abuse. This is to make it clear to you that he can abduct her because you have failed to get supervised visitation and failed to provide her school with appropriate documents regarding the restraining order and supervised visitation.

    Many better school districts now require a parent to have a photo ID on file and documented designated people who also must provide photo ID who are allowed to pick up a child. This is because of the marked uptick in child abductions and custodial interference cases. This was to intimidate you and show you all the holes in your lax protection of her and yourself. He is never going to ask your permission for anything. He is not interested in amicable co-parenting. He is interested in intimidation and revenge for filing a restraining order. Don't kid yourself that abusers won't mess with loved ones in order to get to you.
    Originally Posted by undeniedshe
    is it too much to ask that he simply makes sure that it is okay to get her first before picking her up and saying HEY I TOOK HER.

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