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Parents VS Fiancé


Jbabygirl

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Hi everyone. So I’ve been with my fiancé for 2 years. We love each other but my parents, especially my dad & sister) don’t seem to like him. My sister is a b*tch to him and I see it, he doesn’t. He is clueless. She’ll say little things or act a certain way around him. There was an incident that happened the other day where my fiancé got mad at my dad because my dad yelled at him and it really upset my fiancé. My fiancé is bipolar/ and has ADHD which my family doesn’t know about (now they do...) so they now think he has a problem and they don’t think I’m “good” with him. So anyway, ever since that incident I feel like my family now hates him and doesn’t think he’s good to me which he is! How would you deal with family interrfering with your relationship? Thanks guys. BTW: when my dad yelled at him It was because we were driving and almost got into an accident and my fiancé was driving so my dad and sister yelled to stop and to pay attention.

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Thank you for responding. But since we have a child I’m trying to give him a second chance. My sister and him have talked about him cheating and she has said she wasn’t mad at him just shocked... but this post was about me asking y’all for advice on how to deal with family/parents not liking your partner because of how they acted when they were upset

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Whoa! So yesterday everybody told you the relationship was over because of his cheating, and today we find out that he has ADHD, he's bipolar, and your family doesn't like him because he's weird! Oh, and you accepted his proposal even after you found out he cheated on you. I mean, how many people do you need to tell you to bail out of this relationship. You're only going to be hurt badly. I would say to listen to your family, but, hey, you're going to do what you want no matter what we all say.

 

Oh, and the way to deal with your family is to just stay away from them. If you don't see them, they can't criticize you.

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I’ve known about his bipolar stuff since we started dating and I’ve read and researched and have talked with his parents and I’ve learned to know how to handle it but since my family didn’t know about it they saw it as “crazy” or “insane” and they think I’m with a sociopath or something

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You said your fiancé “got mad” at your dad. What does that mean? What did your fiancé do? Did he yell at your dad? Did he drive erratically? Did he punch a steering wheel? How did he show his anger that has your family upset?

 

I think it’s relevant... I mean... if you fiancé just shut down and stopped talking, for example, then it wouldn’t make sense for your family to hate him for that?

 

I think it would be helpful to understand what your family witnessed to know how to best “reverse” the situation.

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Right sorry I never mentioned so he pulled over to the side and got out of the truck so my dad could drive and He said things like “I would’ve been able to make it” and “You wreck when people yell at you” but he would say it in an upset way & then my sister would butt in and say “You need to learn to focus” or “WOW okay”

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Right sorry I never mentioned so he pulled over to the side and got out of the truck so my dad could drive and He said things like “I would’ve been able to make it” and “You wreck when people yell at you” but he would say it in an upset way & then my sister would butt in and say “You need to learn to focus” or “WOW okay”

 

Let me tell you a little story.

My family did not like my ex. They gave him a chance, but then picked up on how he treated me, his shortcomings that were not good for my health, etc.

They didn't come out and say they didn't, but said to me sometimes "i wish you were with someone where you felt comfortable and happy in your life" etc, and they did share more later afterwords etc. It was true, i was always trying to measure up, walking on eggshells. And anything i did well he tried to learn to be better than me.

 

if you have an average family - loving, no drug use or major dysfunction like that -- i would say your family loves you and they are concerened for you. If they said he wasn't good enough because of the color of his skin or the income of his parents, then i would totally be on your side, but in the 2 years you have been with him, he already cheated on you, the bipolar diagnosis -- great if he is getting help, but it could be that they see that you are not totally happy and at ease with him, etc.

 

It sounds like he was not paying attention to the road --and dad wanted to drive because your lives are in his hands.

 

Choosing someone with multiple diagnosis that is not dealing well - is not the best move.

 

Since you have a kid, i would figure out a way to coparent the best way you can and don't marry this man. It sounds like you were pregnant for a good part of your relationship and he may not have been someone you would have chosen if you hadn't produced a baby together. That being said, i would make sure the baby gets as many services as possible before first grade so that you can be on top of things if your baby inherits bipolar disorder, etc.

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But that’s the thing he treats me good. He takes good care of us. He is there for me through anything and everything. He’s my best friend. He just has a short temper and I know why and how to handle it, it’s just now my parents have seen it so they are assuming the worst which I think is unfair :/ and My dad asked him to drive since we were going somewhere far and he got tired but thank you so much for your feedback

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I do have a loving family but my parents and sister donÂ’t have much right to think I’m being treated bad when they do/go through much worse. My sister has been cheated on twice by her husband & My dad calls my mom names when he gets mad. My fiancE has never laid his hands on me or even called me bad names. I donT see how my family can sit there and talk bad about my fiancé when they do worse.. I guess I’m defensive when it comes to people talking down on my partner because I love him.. who wouldnÂ’t be right??

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Anyone who had common sense.

 

There is not too much good about this man. He uses his mental health as an excuse to act badly and treat you badly. He has threatened suicide. He has gotten together with another girl and was having sex with her and keeping her in the background this whole time.

He only stopped because you found out.

 

Your family does not like him. Are you honestly this desperate? Not trying to be harsh but what in the world would you stay with a man who is this messed up?

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It sounds like a dysfunctional mess! This is not a good environment for your child. I would feel the same as your family.

 

Had you sought couples counseling? Is he on meds? Anger issues are scary! You should not have to handle it. He should not be doing it.

 

I agree. Do not marry him. Split up and co parent, for the sake of your kind .

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Anyone who had common sense.

 

There is not too much good about this man. He uses his mental health as an excuse to act badly and treat you badly. He has threatened suicide. He has gotten together with another girl and was having sex with her and keeping her in the background this whole time.

He only stopped because you found out.

 

Your family does not like him. Are you honestly this desperate? Not trying to be harsh but what in the world would you stay with a man who is this messed up?

I can't understand why people settle for this, land bring a child into the mix.

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I'm sorry OP, but your family is unlikely to ever warm up to him. Especially now that your sister knows he's cheated, and the rest of your family will probably one day learn about that too.

 

It sounds like they see red flags that you choose not to.

 

Not much you can do about that. All you can do is ask them to not make such comments out loud in his presence. The rest, well - if it walks like a duck and you choose the duck, a lot of this is on your fiance.

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I see it, he doesn’t. He is clueless.

 

So don't disabuse him of his cluelessness, and then he won't be offended. You can't force people to like someone. If the guy wants to enter your family, then he's going to have to manage his relationships with the people in your family.

 

There's no law that says that the people around us need to love our choice of partner. If approval were to be the price of admission to weddings, those chairs would be nearly empty.

 

Nobody else is living your love life for you, so nobody else gets a vote. Keep your focus on your own relationships, and credit others with the ability to handle theirs on their own.

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Fortunately your family loves you, has your back and your best interests at heart. Your bf is a danger and a loose canon. Stop making excuses for him.

 

You may believe that you are asserting your "independence" from your family by living with a mentally ill, cheating, abusive guy, but the harm you are doing to yourself and your child by staying with him is clear to your family.

 

Read up on controlling and abusive relationships. In addition to very quick involvement, very quickly living together, getting pregnant right away, making you financial dependent, he is now also trying to isolate you. Remember how he threatened you if you left the house and took your child to visit your mother? Remember him stabbing himself with a piece of glass to manipulate you? :eek:

 

Unfortunately, they are right about your bf, his cheating, disrespect for you and abuse. Your family was totally correct to get upset and alert him before he killed all of you because of his distractions, mental problems and reckless driving. Your bf most likely took it out on you that he scared the heck out of your family with his bad driving.

 

Your family loves you and seem to want to protect you from this louse. Sadly your rebellious nature makes you cling to him no matter how badly he is treating you. In addition to lying, cheating and manipulation, most abusers like this guy will try to isolate and sever you from your supportive family. He will create drama and try to convince you they are the "bad guys".:upset:

my parents, especially my dad & sister don’t seem to like him. my fiancé got mad at my dad because my dad yelled at him.

 

they now think he has a problem and they don’t think I’m “good” with him. I feel like my family now hates him and doesn’t think he’s good to me.

 

we were driving and almost got into an accident and my fiancé was driving so my dad and sister yelled to stop and to pay attention.

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