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Thread: Personality over Looks?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    You're either attracted to her or you're not. Everyone has a "type." And nearly everyone has been attracted to someone who's not their traditional "type." If she fits neither category, then do her the favor of nexting her. Speaking personally, I can't say I know too many people who would be thrilled to find out the person they're dating, never mind committed to, wasn't attracted to them. I'd feel like an ***hole putting someone in that position.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Physical sexual chemistry is either there or not. If you aren't feeling it, then move on. Sounds like you met a great female friend but that's all. You really need both - personality and sexual chemistry for a relationship to work. These are not mutually exclusive one over the other kind of things. Too often when people get "bullied" by the don't be so shallow crowds into carrying on like this, what actually happens is a few years down the road you end up cheating or dumping them for someone else where you do feel chemistry. The lack of it catches up with you eventually. Don't do that to her or to yourself. Keep on looking.

  3. #13
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    Agree with others but wanted to add, being so much alike, the female version of you, same interests, same sense of humor, etc does not automatically translate to great romantic chemistry.

    In fact what I have found is, while it's nice to agree on things, opposites attract.

    I'm typically attracted to men who have a different nature and style from me, and vice versa.

    He's yang to my yin so to speak.

    It sounds like you think you "should" be attracted to her cause your natures and styles seem to fit, but physical/sexual attraction involves more than that - it's a sort of energy/chemistry that you can both feel. That's the "click." Not common interests and similar personalities

    For me, while physical attraction is very important, mutual energy/chemistry trumps looks or anything else superficial, like job, car, status, etc.

    When that's happening, he becomes sexually attractive "to me."

    JMO
    Last edited by katrina1980; 11-28-2018 at 12:03 PM.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I posted a question about chemistry the other day. The consensus I got was... give the person a chance and get to know them a little bit before you decide there are no fireworks. As others have said... sometimes we are resistant to dating someone that isn't our "type" for whatever reason even if that person is exactly what we want in every other way.

    It seems like you might get validation from dating good looking women vs. women that stimulate you intellectually and emotionally.... at the end of the day as others have said, Jennifer Lawrence and Taylor Swift are nowhere to be found so perhaps that isn't working for you the way you would like it to.

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  6. #15
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    I would want to know if you want the blondes who look like models as arm candy/trophy so others will ooh and ahh -others who find it 'lucky" that you attracted someone who looks like a model -or is it that you are not sexually/physically attracted to this person? It's important to distinguish. If the former I'd say consider whether you can reevaluate whether it's that important for you to have arm candy. If the latter and you don't feel attraction growing or the potential for a spark, then move on and let her find someone who has physical chemistry with her. She deserves that of course.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It's a great opportunity to learn something about yourself.
    I think a lot of us have had this experience, where we challenged ourselves and our habits, tried to see something differently and in turn learned a valuable lesson for having done so.

    I can't say if she's the right girl for you. Physical attraction is huge. But compatibility and personalities that mesh can be intoxicating.
    I say go into it with an open mind and see what happens.
    You might surprise yourself.

    The first time I did online dating, years ago, I did everything wrong. I spent weeks talking to man who didn't have picture. He ultimately emailed me one but it was still too hard to tell what he looked like. When I finally met him, my heart sunk. He was attractive, but not might `type'
    That and in the absence of knowing what he really looked like I filled in the blanks of what I wanted him to look like. I immediately friend zoned him. We stayed friends, both supporting each other through our divorces (again another bad mistake) and ultimately I fell in love with him. I finally experienced what it felt like to fall in love with your best friend. And I am glad I gave it a chance. I learned a lot about love and myself for having done so.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    If you think she is cute, then it might be worth it to give it a chance. Had you said that you find her unattractive, my advice would be to move on. But if your problem is that she is not as hot as the previous girls, then you may want to reevaluate what you value more in a partner at the end of the day. Imo, spending time with someone who treats us right and with whom we have a good time tends to make them more beautiful in our eyes as time goes by. That is provided that we don't have set preconceived notions set in stone and we see people as the multidimensional beings that they are. It sounds like your exes were superior in the looks dimension but lacked in the character dimension.

    Reading your post I also wondered whether you feel that you are "out of her league" lookwise. What about your looks? Are you cute or movie star attractive like the exes you mentioned? It has been my observation that a relationship tends to be more stable when partners fall within the same league so to speak. Imo, large inequalities are indeed liable to create imbalances. If you are not a (enter young hot male actor's name here) lookalike then that might be one of the reasons why you have trouble holding down a relationship with your "type".
    Last edited by Clio; 11-28-2018 at 05:05 PM.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Hive
    Taylor Swift Jennifer Lawrence
    Meh, if you have said Margot Robbie or Megan Fox I would understand but Taylor Swift and Jennifer Lawrence, pff,big deal.

    My opinion is that if you find her cute you should give it a try. But if you find her unattractive and there is no chemistry whatsoever, just stay friends, no need to break her heart/create a mess for no reason.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Havenít you ever met someone and a year later you find yourself attracted to them?

    Exposure to someone can drive attraction. If the personality is there, go on a few dates and flirt. You may be surprised.

  11. #20
    Silver Member Jellybean9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    Reading your post I also wondered whether you feel that you are "out of her league" lookwise. What about your looks? Are you cute or movie star attractive like the exes you mentioned? It has been my observation that a relationship tends to be more stable when partners fall within the same league so to speak. Imo, large inequalities are indeed liable to create imbalances. If you are not a (enter young hot male actor's name here) lookalike then that might be one of the reasons why you have trouble holding down a relationship with your "type".
    Great point!

    I'm interested in seeing what the OP has to say about this...

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