My dating story, why you need to be an iceberg

Several years ago I met a girl (Melony) through mutual friends at a party. Although I found her very attractive I was dating someone at the time so I did not pursue anything. I have since broken up with my girlfriend and have been single for the past few years. It’s been just casual dating as I haven’t really met anyone that I wanted to devote my time to. About a year ago Melony’s name came up as a suggested friend on facebook so I added her. She accepted the request, and since that time we would converse every so often.

We started communicating more in September, and finally got together on our first date in October. Our first date we went for pho soup and decided to take advantage of the nice fall weather and went to a museum. Since I paid for everything she wanted to take me out for a drink. I thought she meant on our potential next date, but she wanted to go that evening. We basically spent the entire night together laughing, conversing on multiple topics, and basically just having fun.

Since then we have been texting each other throughout the day always engaging each other. A couple of weeks ago something changed…we went out for dinner on a Thursday night and discussed what was up for the weekend. She had a busy weekend coming up with clients coming from out of town. I had taken what she said about being busy on the weekend and wanted to give her some space. Normally we would text each other good morning or a funny meme to start the day, but when Friday rolled around I didn’t receive a text. As the day continued there was nothing. In all fairness, I did not send anything either so I just sat back an observed.

Now at this point I should make it clear that this isn’t about being NEEDY, it’s about patterns and behavior as the lack of communication was out of the norm. It was now Saturday afternoon and still no communication. I decided to send a text message:

Me

“Hey, I know your busy with your clients, just wanted to say hope the weekend is going well!”

Melony

“Still at it! I’ll message you tomorrow.”

I just left it at that. Sunday, I woke up and decided to meet up with a friend to go for a hike. I always find that being out in nature has a calming effect and allows you time to think. After our little excursion I dropped my friend off and picked up some flowers and a card. I kept the message short and simple, “Thinking of you…” and drew a little character that was supposed to be her.

As I was driving home I get a text message from her.

Melony

“Hey, just dropped off the clients at the airport now headed home, how was your weekend?”

I took a few minutes to respond,

Me

“Great 😊”

Melony

“What did you do?”

Now that I knew she wasn’t home I stopped at her house and placed the flowers and card on her front step and continued home. I didn’t bother to respond to her text as I knew she would get the flowers and card and it would initiate a reaction. I got home and put some music on while I cleaned. Half hour later I receive a text…

Melony

“OMG!!!”

Me

“😊. BTW, I never said I was an artist.”

This spawned a volley of text. She loved the card. We continued to communicate throughout the evening. The following week we went out a couple of times and everything was great, but I still felt something was a miss. Our communication had changed. At times I would send a good morning meme or message telling her to have a great day, and it would take time before I received a response. Again, this isn’t about being needy, it’s about observing behaviors. I found her to be less engaging. I can’t say it was cold, but it was very nonchalant. At this point I decided to be more selective in my communication with her. It happened again where I did not text, nor did she. But eventually we touched base and made plans. We went out and as always we have a great time together. I asked how her week was and she said she it had been busy. I in turn said I could tell. We talked about somethings she was going through with work and her mom and told her if she needed to talk about anything I would be here for her.

Over the past week the story has been the same where communication during the day or evening has been very basic and non- engaging, where I’ve been the one who initiates the conversation. I setup a date this weekend and we got together Saturday evening. As always, we had a great time talking about various topics and catching up on the weeks events. We did some shopping and went out for drinks, afterwards we ended up at my place. While watching a movie on the couch we began to fool around before going upstairs to my room. (I’ll let you fill in the blanks)

Afterwards it was late and she didn’t have any of her belongings with her to stay over so I drover her home at 3am. She setup a Sunday brunch date for the afternoon as she wanted to take me somewhere, and I agreed. The next day she messaged me and we setup a time for our date. I picked her up and we went to the restaurant but there was a lineup. I suggested we go elsewhere, but everywhere I suggested she didn’t like. The mood was very light hearted and were joking around while trying to find another suitable destination. We ended up at some spot that wasn’t really my cup of tea. I joked about the décor and some of the clientele. I’m not really into the hipster thing, and this place screamed hipster with $20 breakfast plates. Although we had talked about our past relationships we never got into it much. I find this kind of subject to be tricky as depending on how you respond will determine the notes that each person takes on each other. This can either be good or bad so I chose my words carefully.

I asked what category her ex’s belonged in, hipster, jock, etc, as I consider myself to be stylish, wearing suits or business casual to work, but when I’m off I’m in jeans or my gym clothes. She gave me an analogy of a couple of her ex’s including the last guy she was with. She then asked what was the longest relationship I had since my ex. Now this is where I may have given to much information. She had told me how her recent ex and her had problems. She elaborated that he had kids but even though they knew each other prior to dating he never included her in any event or to spend time with his kids. Although she understood that it was his time with his kids, it wasn’t like dating a stranger where she had figured things would progress more quickly and she would get introduced the his kids at some point. He would completely shut her out. Having a little boy myself I could understand the challenges when dating. My situation is different where my son lives with my ex and I see him on a regular basis, but still have time for my personal life.

She had asked about my recent ex and I told her why it didn’t work, but I may have given to much info. Before going into detail why the last girl I dated failed I said it may sound similar to what happened with her ex, but it’s not the same. The last girl I dated was insecure about my ex, as we communicated regularly about our son and that is it. I explained how this girl could not see past her own insecurities and that it’s what ultimately lead to me breaking up with her. At end of the conversation I told Melony I want to build something with her and I’m not interested in anyone else. Her response caught me off guard;

Melony

“I’d like to build my career to the point where I can move anywhere in the world and work in a tropical location for a few months at a time if I so choose. You have another 10 to 15 years with your son where you would have to remain close to him. At the end of the day I don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future.”

Me

“I think that’s great and you should work towards the things you want.”

Her response caught me off guard in some ways, but I didn’t let it show that it bothered me. I didn’t want to conversation to go to that place, not yet anyways as we are still very fresh, having only dated for a couple of months, but when you feel comfortable with someone it always feels longer then what it is. This was a reminder why in the dating game you need to hold your cards close to your chest, revealing little by little as you go. We got the bill and left the restaurant, but I couldn’t help but feel put off by her response. I’ll have to take part of the blame for letting the convo go there but what’s done, is done. She wanted to go to another spot to have a tea, but I said let’s skip it instead go back to my place. I dropped her off at home to get her car and she would go to my place afterwards. I went home and reflected on the discussion and put all the pieces together of the past couple of weeks in my head. In my mind it all began to make sense now. From what I can gather something changed, where she doesn’t want to get in to deep with me just yet, and maybe ever.

She arrived at my house with 2 bottles of wine and some food to make dinner. Even though I was still thinking about what had transpired, I didn’t change my demeanor or let her know that her words were now on my mind. I opened the bottle of wine and poured her a glass. We put a movie on and when we both started to get hungry. Instead of cooking, I told her I’ll grab some take out instead. We ordered some food and finished the bottle of wine and started on the second one. It was starting to get late so I suggested we go upstairs. We went into my room and watched TV from there where it was more comfortable. While caressing her we began to kiss before taking each others clothes off. It was getting late and after chilling for a bit it was time for her to go home. I walked her out and told her to text me when she got home. She sent me a text saying she was home, and I texted back to say good night.

Today I’m still thinking about her words, and what to do next. I will continue to keep my demeanor and won’t show that any of this bothers me, but I am taking a little step back in some ways. There is another girl at work who wants to go out for drinks, so I may take her up on her offer to take some of the edge off.

This was my rant, but figure others who are in the dating game may gain some perspective on their own trials an tribulations, as the dating scene at times is like a ticking time bomb where you have to find the diffuse button in order to move ahead.

Cheers everyone

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she can't handle guys with kids but is willing to hang out and date casually. Keep your options open.

She is obviously in a different stage of her life than you are.

You need to be settled with your son. She wants to get out into the world and live.

To be fair doesn't necessarily mean she will travel and live somewhere tropical but it's a goal.

She has shared that with you which is good for her to be honest. As she doesn't know where her life may go.

I do think you are overthinking things slightly. Don't get so bogged down with the texting. In the beginning it is all about the "getting to know each other". Then once you do the frequency of text dwindles.

Enjoy the time you are having with her. She is interested as she is making time to see you. Plus you said when you meet together it feels great.

Maybe once it gets a little serious you could talk about futures and stuff.

If you haven't said you are both exclusive then there is no harm in going for a drink with the other girl. Although when people ask me if they should... I always ask them how they would feel if the person they was seeing was to go on a date with someone else. If you wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing someone else then rethink going on the other date.

Best of luck

Hey, Maxx. Lighten up. You're overthinking and over-analyzing this whole thing. A lot of Millennials have the fantasy of being able to work several months a year in a tropical climate and travel the world as well. I just read an article on this very subject. Maybe she did too. Heck, I would like that too. But it doesn't mean I'm going to leave my wife and my job.

As for texting, she texts you back when she can. I assume she has work to do and a life to live. We tell people all the time on ENA that people expect too much from texting. You should not expect immediate answers! I don't even hear my phone go off a lot of the time. And texting is not an indication of how someone feels about you. (Unless they never answer your texts.)

So stop having doubts. She sounds like a nice girl. She's having sex with you. All is well. Don't make trouble! And also, don't ask about previous boyfriends and don't volunteer information about previous girlfriends. You want her to feel like she's the only girl in the world, and you're shattering that illusion by forcing her to think about her exes. Think positively and stop doubting her.

As for going out with another girl, are you trying to justify this by making up these doubts? Not cool.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she can't handle guys with kids but is willing to hang out and date casually. Keep your options open.

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I always welcome different opinions. I'm not sure my son is the issue as the time I spend with him has never really gotten in the way.

She is obviously in a different stage of her life than you are.

 

You need to be settled with your son. She wants to get out into the world and live.

 

To be fair doesn't necessarily mean she will travel and live somewhere tropical but it's a goal.

 

She has shared that with you which is good for her to be honest. As she doesn't know where her life may go.

 

I do think you are overthinking things slightly. Don't get so bogged down with the texting. In the beginning it is all about the "getting to know each other". Then once you do the frequency of text dwindles.

 

Enjoy the time you are having with her. She is interested as she is making time to see you. Plus you said when you meet together it feels great.

 

Maybe once it gets a little serious you could talk about futures and stuff.

 

If you haven't said you are both exclusive then there is no harm in going for a drink with the other girl. Although when people ask me if they should... I always ask them how they would feel if the person they was seeing was to go on a date with someone else. If you wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing someone else then rethink going on the other date.

 

Best of luck

Thank you for your words. I'm an analyst by trade, so I do tend to over think things sometimes, but I go with the information in front of me. In this case I'm trying not to read into anything, but a change in a pattern can sometimes be an indication of something. Regardless of this fact my demeanor towards he won't change, but I have scaled by some of my communication with her. As far as dating goes, I get where you're coming from. The girl from work is more lust than anything else, but not the girl I see myself settling down with. The danger if we go out is that it will definitely turn sexual which can complicate things. I'm leaving for a week in December so it will give Melony some time to reflect and we'll see if the heart grows fonder in my absence...

Hey, Maxx. Lighten up. You're overthinking and over-analyzing this whole thing. A lot of Millennials have the fantasy of being able to work several months a year in a tropical climate and travel the world as well. I just read an article on this very subject. Maybe she did too. Heck, I would like that too. But it doesn't mean I'm going to leave my wife and my job.

 

As for texting, she texts you back when she can. I assume she has work to do and a life to live. We tell people all the time on ENA that people expect too much from texting. You should not expect immediate answers! I don't even hear my phone go off a lot of the time. And texting is not an indication of how someone feels about you. (Unless they never answer your texts.)

 

So stop having doubts. She sounds like a nice girl. She's having sex with you. All is well. Don't make trouble! And also, don't ask about previous boyfriends and don't volunteer information about previous girlfriends. You want her to feel like she's the only girl in the world, and you're shattering that illusion by forcing her to think about her exes. Think positively and stop doubting her.

 

As for going out with another girl, are you trying to justify this by making up these doubts? Not cool.

What's up Danzee,

You made some good points, and at times I may over analyse but we all do in some form or another. As for bringing up an ex, i agree nothing should have been said, but it was. Not the worst thing in the world and it didn't necessarily spoil the mood but in future I'll ensure it won't come up or at least by me.

Thanks again

She doesn't want to date guys with kids based on her past experiences, her age, her aspirations and what she told you. Just chalk it up to incompatibility and life-stage differences.

She had told me how her recent ex and her had problems. She elaborated that he had kids.

 

Melony:

“I’d like to build my career to the point where I can move anywhere in the world and work in a tropical location for a few months at a time if I so choose.

 

You have another 10 to 15 years with your son where you would have to remain close to him. At the end of the day I don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future.”

Thank you for your words. I'm an analyst by trade, so I do tend to over think things sometimes, but I go with the information in front of me. In this case I'm trying not to read into anything, but a change in a pattern can sometimes be an indication of something. Regardless of this fact my demeanor towards he won't change, but I have scaled by some of my communication with her. As far as dating goes, I get where you're coming from. The girl from work is more lust than anything else, but not the girl I see myself settling down with. The danger if we go out is that it will definitely turn sexual which can complicate things. I'm leaving for a week in December so it will give Melony some time to reflect and we'll see if the heart grows fonder in my absence...

Personally I would stay away from the work girl if it's just a lust thing. Let's also be honest work flings rarely end well.

See how Melony behaviors when you are away for a week. Might show a different side of her.

If it's not what you wanted. Get back out there and date again. There are plenty of girls who can fill that lust gap and not in your office lol

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she can't handle guys with kids but is willing to hang out and date casually. Keep your options open.

She doesn't want to date guys with kids based on her past experiences, her age, her aspirations and what she told you. Just chalk it up to incompatibility and life-stage differences.

I don't think my son is the issue per say, but not ruled out. She already knew I had a son from the get go, so it is something else that is causing her to take a step back. Keep in mind my initial post wasn't a first date, we have been out plenty of times and it wasn't up until a few weeks ago her "pattern" changed. I'm aware it could be many factors as I know she has been somewhat stressed with her mom that could be contributing to this, or in the worst case there is another guy, or even losing interest, which would be odd since when were out were touchy feely and like a full on couple and still have intercourse.

Personally I would stay away from the work girl if it's just a lust thing. Let's also be honest work flings rarely end well.

 

See how Melony behaviors when you are away for a week. Might show a different side of her.

 

If it's not what you wanted. Get back out there and date again. There are plenty of girls who can fill that lust gap and not in your office lol

Well here is the thing, and it is a catch 22. If Melony is truly taking a step back to figure out what she wants out of this, I'll respect and give her the space she wants, however, I don't want to waste any opportunities. That being said, I'm always weary about messing around with co-workers as things can go sour quickly. Sandra (the girl from work) and I had a chat yesterday as I've known her for a while and she pretty much came out and said sex only is fine, but I know how some women will say that but end up wanting more. Having another girl "available" takes some of the edge off. In any case I will hang back for now and observe what happens next before making any moves.

I don't think you're over analyzing at all. When you're close enough with someone to notice changes in behavior, pay close attention to it. More often then not, I find that your gut instinct is usually right. It does seem that maybe she isn't ready for a serious relationship right now and perhaps she is traumatized by her previous relationship with a man who had a child, that she feels like she has to distance herself from you out of fear of experiencing the same thing again. Maybe you should be honest with her and tell her how you feel and leave it up to her to decide how exactly she wants to proceed with this relationship. It's better to nip any problems in the bud then to let it fester as you develop more feelings for her, making things even more difficult for you. If you're able to work through it, then that's great! If she reacts negatively, then oh well, at least you were honest with her and you tried your best.

What I'm confused about is Sandra wants something casual and you wouldn't mind engaing in that... But you are willing to walk away from Melony who doesn't really want anything too serious right now.

So what are you really looking for?

I don't think you're over analyzing at all. When you're close enough with someone to notice changes in behavior, pay close attention to it. More often then not, I find that your gut instinct is usually right. It does seem that maybe she isn't ready for a serious relationship right now and perhaps she is traumatized by her previous relationship with a man who had a child, that she feels like she has to distance herself from you out of fear of experiencing the same thing again. Maybe you should be honest with her and tell her how you feel and leave it up to her to decide how exactly she wants to proceed with this relationship. It's better to nip any problems in the bud then to let it fester as you develop more feelings for her, making things even more difficult for you. If you're able to work through it, then that's great! If she reacts negatively, then oh well, at least you were honest with her and you tried your best.

Thanks for the response. Your words make sense, but timing is everything, and what is happening now may or may not be an issue but in any case I will only know if I have that conversation with her...I will have to decide when.

What I'm confused about is Sandra wants something casual and you wouldn't mind engaing in that... But you are willing to walk away from Melony who doesn't really want anything too serious right now.

 

So what are you really looking for?

That post came from having my guard up with Melony. I had time to reflect on this, and it's best I stay away from Sandra and not use her as a "filler" in any form. I have to deal with my situation with Melony and figure this out.

She may very well be one of those people who do not text all the time, and that is fine, but when we first starting talking it didn't start out that way, hence why I have my guard up. Last week there was a day we didn't talk at all and the following day when we did, but it's the last few times communicating she seemed somewhat un-engaged so I left it alone and would say my good night.

I know there were some stresses with her mom, and working on her career and I'm cognoscent of these facts which is why I'm trying to not read into anything, but it's the same fact that has my guard up as well. Here is an example...

- we did not talk all day yesterday, and before going to bed a sent a simple text asking how her day was, I received nothing in return.

- Over the weekend she had asked if I had any hookups in the auto industry, which I do, so this morning I sent a text with contact information to her, and said have a great day

I received no reply. Is she busy? MAYBE, but nobody is that busy to acknowledge a message. I know I will hear from her, but for now I'm taking a step back until I decide my next move.

Well that does seem very odd to me.

Like you said no one is that busy to not reply. Even if it is just a simple "thank you".

This does sound like more of a fizzle out than just a reduction in texts sadly.

It was the whole being on FB and not replying which was a red flag for me.

I'm a very simple girl. I don't play games. So if I was interested I would not leave someone hanging. I admit I get busy during my day but will find time to message people I care about.

It does sound like she is losing interest. I'm really sorry.

Sometimes it is good to go with your gut!

Be careful not to slowly but surely get into her friendzone like this.

- we did not talk all day yesterday, and before going to bed a sent a simple text asking how her day was, I received nothing in return.

- Over the weekend she had asked if I had any hookups in the auto industry, which I do, so this morning I sent a text with contact information to her, and said have a great day

 

I received no reply.

Well that does seem very odd to me.

 

Like you said no one is that busy to not reply. Even if it is just a simple "thank you".

 

This does sound like more of a fizzle out than just a reduction in texts sadly.

 

It was the whole being on FB and not replying which was a red flag for me.

 

I'm a very simple girl. I don't play games. So if I was interested I would not leave someone hanging. I admit I get busy during my day but will find time to message people I care about.

 

It does sound like she is losing interest. I'm really sorry.

 

Sometimes it is good to go with your gut!

This can be a possibility, but when it fizzles out there is usually no effort on the other person's side. It doesn't make sense to go out to brunch as recently as Sunday, then want to come to my place to cook dinner and bring 2 bottles of wine and have intercourse.

Be careful not to slowly but surely get into her friendzone like this.

Noted my friend. She left her expensive scarf at my place, if she wants it she can make the effort to make arrangements to pick it up. At this point I'm turned off by all of this.

This can be a possibility, but when it fizzles out there is usually no effort on the other person's side. It doesn't make sense to go out to brunch as recently as Sunday, then want to come to my place to cook dinner and bring 2 bottles of wine and have intercourse.

Unfortunately we can never understand other people and what is going on in their mind. It will drive you crazy trying to work it out.

It is frustrating for if someone is not interested they shouldn't lead that lesson on. But they do!

I am very straight with how I feel in a relationship. So if I was not feeling it I wouldn't pretend it be and would express that. Not everyone is like that sadly.

The reason I joined this forum a month ago was I was in your situation.

I had the most romatic date ever. He cooked dinner. Bought champagne even did the rose petals on the bed as it was an inside joke. It was lovely.

Following weekend I'm on holiday. He is messaging how he misses me. I get back and he jumps at seeing me again ASAP.

Saw him and it was a lovely date minus on hiccup which may have bruised his ego. I will never know.

Anyway things were in my book perfect. Folleiubf that last date... He got distant. He said he had cold feet and couldn't make me happy. No sign of the this prior with his actions.

I was shocked. I couldn't understand. Still don't and never will.

Yes Melony may be doing all the classic I want you stuff but her texting habbits are telling you different.

In my situation I did not have the texting signs prior so it hit me out of left feild.

You do have these signs.

Personally as you said it was out of the ordinary maybe talk to her about it.

Get to the bottom of it and you'll know whether or not it's worth pursuing.

Or you can sit back and let it fizzle.

Entirely up to you.

Best of luck

Unfortunately we can never understand other people and what is going on in their mind. It will drive you crazy trying to work it out.

 

It is frustrating for if someone is not interested they shouldn't lead that lesson on. But they do!

 

I am very straight with how I feel in a relationship. So if I was not feeling it I wouldn't pretend it be and would express that. Not everyone is like that sadly.

 

The reason I joined this forum a month ago was I was in your situation.

 

I had the most romatic date ever. He cooked dinner. Bought champagne even did the rose petals on the bed as it was an inside joke. It was lovely.

 

Following weekend I'm on holiday. He is messaging how he misses me. I get back and he jumps at seeing me again ASAP.

 

Saw him and it was a lovely date minus on hiccup which may have bruised his ego. I will never know.

 

Anyway things were in my book perfect. Folleiubf that last date... He got distant. He said he had cold feet and couldn't make me happy. No sign of the this prior with his actions.

 

I was shocked. I couldn't understand. Still don't and never will.

 

Yes Melony may be doing all the classic I want you stuff but her texting habbits are telling you different.

 

In my situation I did not have the texting signs prior so it hit me out of left feild.

 

You do have these signs.

 

Personally as you said it was out of the ordinary maybe talk to her about it.

 

Get to the bottom of it and you'll know whether or not it's worth pursuing.

 

Or you can sit back and let it fizzle.

 

Entirely up to you.

 

Best of luck

It's already fizzled...Last night I went to the gym and I had time to reflect on many things. Not just my current situation with Melony, but life in general. I thought about my ex and how her aggression towards me affected me when I would see my son. I thought about past relationships that have come and gone and recalled in my memory how I came out of it all afterwards. I thought about all the mistakes I've made in the past and one girl in particular that I unintentionally damaged. I thought about all of this and more....I went from extreme anger for things that I have done, or things that were done to me, to numbness and acceptance...

All this to say that Melony's actions were hers to make, and looking back on everything she has at a subconscious level made a decision. I'm not looking to convince her otherwise, that is a fools errand. She wants her scarf back she can reach out to me and ask for a meet up. At that point she can say her piece or say nothing...I don't see a need for me to make the first move at this point. I've sent 2 text messages with nothing in return, thats enough...

Well done you!

If you have gained anything it's this whole acceptance.

This is more valuable than any relationship that could have blossomed.

You will honestly move on and stronger and better person.

Good for you! Like she said if she wants her scarf she can ask for it back!

Well done you!

 

If you have gained anything it's this whole acceptance.

 

This is more valuable than any relationship that could have blossomed.

 

You will honestly move on and stronger and better person.

 

 

Good for you! Like she said if she wants her scarf she can ask for it back!

Do I get a sugar cookie?

 

- we did not talk all day yesterday, and before going to bed a sent a simple text asking how her day was, I received nothing in return.

 

- Over the weekend she had asked if I had any hookups in the auto industry, which I do, so this morning I sent a text with contact information to her, and said have a great day

 

I received no reply. Is she busy?

Wait, what??

I can tell you right now from a girl's perspective that she's just not into the relationship anymore if she cuts off contact with you like this, and only reaches out to you when she needs something. Not even a thanks back in reply? Definitely no interest on her part, not to mention rude.

I'd just confront her about her behavior and let this girl go, to be honest.

Wait, what??

 

I can tell you right now from a girl's perspective that she's just not into the relationship anymore if she cuts off contact with you like this, and only reaches out to you when she needs something. Not even a thanks back in reply? Definitely no interest on her part, not to mention rude.

 

I'd just confront her about her behavior and let this girl go, to be honest.

It's not worth it. There is no point in confronting her on her behavior, or lack there of. If she has something to say she can initiate contact. I did my part.

Curious A.) what perspective was to be gained from your story? and B.)Why must one be an iceberg? C.) Why are you looking to use a coworker to stroke your ego after is was bruised?

She's soo not interested.

Curious A.) what perspective was to be gained from your story? and B.)Why must one be an iceberg? C.) Why are you looking to use a coworker to stroke your ego after is was bruised?

A - It's a story like any other story in here that may resound with some in the reader community

B - That no longer applies to where I was going with all of this

C - The co-worker had absolutely nothing to do with my ego, no girl does. It would have been a mutual sexual encounter with no strings attached that I could have easily accepted...but I put it on the back burner. Why would I consider it if I liked Melony and was trying to figure things out with her? Because having other women available takes some of the edge of from the situation.

She's soo not interested.

WRONG!

It has nothing to do with her not being interested per say. No one loses interest for no reason, and tonight I had time to reflect before I had an epiphany. People can lose interest for various reasons, to clingy, boring individual, distance, available time, etc...in my case I didn't have any of those issues. I work as an analyst by trade and when something breaks I perform a post mortem to understand why did it break? What lead to it's demise? What was essentially the root cause?

Looking back now the first sign was about 3 weeks ago. Prior to this point initiation was a out 60 - 40 from her. It was a Thursday night and she had messaged me wanting to get together. We were both sick getting over the cold and we decided to go out for soup. As always everything was great, and after dinner she wanted to go back to my place, but it was late and suggested we get together sometime over the weekend. She had previously mentioned that she had clients coming from out of town so we would play it by ear. On the Friday I didn't message her, but I didn't hear anything from her either which I found odd as she would normally send a good morning, but not a big deal as I didn't initiate either. On the Saturday I ran errands in still didn't hear from her. It was late afternoon and I finally reached out to her. I asked how her weekend was going, and she simply replied "It's busy, I'll message you tomorrow."

The following day I bought flowers, and had made a card. It was late Sunday when she finally texted me, and said she had dropped off the clients at the airport, and asked what I was up to. Since I knew she was not home I dropped off the flowers and card at her place. I then responded to her text and said I was doing work at home. She then asked what I was doing later but I never responded as I knew she would get the flowers and card. 30 minutes later I get the text, "OMG!" She loved it.

Everything seemed fine for the next couple of days, but I slowly found her regressing. I never chased though, I gave what she gave, and gave her space when I thought she needed it. Not once did I smother her, or question any of her actions. The dialogue between us became hot and cold literally overnight, but when we were together everything was fine. Even this past weekend, if she wanted to ghost she could have without initiating Sunday brunch, and even then initiate a hangout and dinner after.

There is only one thing that to me makes sense, and if you haven't figured it out yet...it's another guy. I don't think it was a client that she was entertaining, but someone form her past or present.

When I work on my problem cases and perform root cause analysis, I look over every detail, rip everything a part until all the layers are pulled back and an answer is revealed. This is the only answer that most likely makes sense! That or she has security issues from her past that stop her from moving forward, but I don't think so.

Tonight

While I was on the way to kickboxing she reached out to me, a very simple "Hey!" I responded "Hi" and we began to correspond. She asked how my week was, and I responded very simple with only a few words. The mood had lightened, and after my class I texted and asked if she would like to grab a tea with me. I didn't say for a talk or chat, or anything, it was just a simple meet up...no response. This was at 6:45...I finally received a response at 11:30.."hey I was out with co-workers, had a productive evening!"

It's late, and I'm tired, I'll respond to her tomorrow, or maybe not at all until she reaches out. She had plenty of time to respond earlier but chose to use her co-workers as an excuse as far as I'm concerned. Anyways, have a good night all...