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This may be a little early but I wanted to put this up as we head into the end of the year.

 

This post is mainly for those who were left, not for those who broke it off...

 

For many of you this will be the first Xmas/NY without your expartner and is a difficult part of the year. This will be my 2nd. It won't be as bad as last year but it still makes me a bit edgy.

 

Just know that this will come and go just like every other day of the year. Unless your ex is a complete robot, and depending on how long you were together, there is little doubt that they too may feel your absence through Xmas, so take solace in that....

 

HOWEVER, I wouldn't use this period as an excuse to break contact either and here are a few further thoughts on that:

 

Should I Wish My Ex For Xmas or New Year?

 

First thing to do is ask yourself these two questions: (Do I miss my ex? Do I still want to get back together with them?)

 

If you answer Yes to those questions, I wouldn't break NC at this time.

 

The reason being is that you will be doing it with expectations attached. You will then start checking your phone, FB, Insta etc to see if they reply. This will cause you un-needed anxiety.

 

It will very most likely also NOT lead to the outcome you are wanting. If an ex wants to come back they will have to come to that decision on their own. You cannot (and should not) try to manipulate the situation because again you will just be causing yourself anxiety....

 

They may reply "Thanks. Same to you"....or they may not even reply at all....Which leaves you where?

 

If you answered NO to the above questions then do whatever you feel is right. But if you answered No to those questions then you probably wouldn't even be thinking about this.

 

Won't My Ex Be Upset If I Don't Wish Them?

 

Hey maybe. But they broke up with you so that is on them.

 

What If My Ex Contacts Me For Xmas/NY?

 

If you answered Yes to those two questions then you'll probably jump at the fact a message has come in. You will then most likely start over analyzing the message and how you should respond etc.....

 

I would not advocate ignoring them or playing any mind games like that to make them miss you etc. That will not work either....It might, but you will also start pacing the room wondering whether you should reply or not.....

 

NB: If it was an abusive relationship or if there was cheating involved then you have every right to ignore it...although you should have them blocked anyway if that was the case.

 

I would just wait half an hour or so if it's a text, or longer if it's a social media message and just reply "Thanks. Same to you"........That's it.....

 

You could throw in a "How are you?" and see if that opens up communication but don't expect it to go much further than that or a couple of texts....And then you'll be back to dealing with the pain.....

 

It would be good to get some comments, questions and opinions on this thread but let's use it as a source of support for this upcoming time of year.

 

You are not alone. There are many of us who will be transitioning through this and again, this too will pass....

 

I'm going to try and help others through this here and here in my city too. I really feel for orphans. They see all the Xmas advertising which is always based on 'Family' and that must really upset a lot of them I'm sure.

 

Much Love.

 

Carus*

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Aww thank you for sharing!

 

It's such a hard time of year when dealing with heartbreak. But this is a good reminder to stay strong.

 

I've been so proud of myself for not contacting an ex during the holidays. Literally was so hard not to.

 

For those of you that are tempted! Honestly it may not seem like it while going through the holidays but you will be so glad you didn't when January hits!

 

Good luck all and you will all get through this x

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The reason it can feel like it is not just another day , is , lets face it , our own faults ....we have bought into Christmas so much over the years that is a manufacturers dream now , that starts on the 1st September and dominates our lives untill boxing day , when the cream eggs come out and it is all about Easter .

 

So you have been watching it , seeing it and hearing it for weeks already . It portrays happy families , dads arriving home at the last minute covered in snow , mums baking all day , that precious loved one buying you those jewels , family , massive feckin families all coming together . No wonder it is hard to get through . As you are sat there blowing snot into your hankies .

 

It will pass

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I needed this post. I didn't struggle nearly as much around Thanksgiving as i thought I would (we broke up three weeks prior to it and I was supposed to spend it with him and his family last year), but old thoughts of contacting my most recent ex have been popping up. I know the contact would do me no good and set back the hard-won healing I earned this past year. Thanks for looking out for the community.

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I was lying in bed last night thinking about the upcoming Xmas/NY...

 

Then I started projecting my mind past that and into January.

 

It seemed to help a bit*

 

Absolutely! This is what I am doing as well. The holidays could lead to breadcrumbs or feelings, and so could my birthday a little bit later, but then after that, I think to myself that there's going to be several months of smooth sailing, including Spring and Summer weather to enjoy, and things to do with my life.

 

Christmas and New Year's are happening in the near future, yes, but so much more is also happening in the future, and for people recovering from being broken up with, it's important to think about the things in the future that can actually be controlled and can be personally valuable.

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Absolutely! This is what I am doing as well. The holidays could lead to breadcrumbs or feelings, and so could my birthday a little bit later, but then after that, I think to myself that there's going to be several months of smooth sailing, including Spring and Summer weather to enjoy, and things to do with my life.

 

Christmas and New Year's are happening in the near future, yes, but so much more is also happening in the future, and for people recovering from being broken up with, it's important to think about the things in the future that can actually be controlled and can be personally valuable.

 

Well said.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Great advice!

 

I advocate NC in any case when one is the dumpee. The dumpers know how to reach us if they wanted. I had an ex from around 7 years ago who would send me New Year texts every year for a long time. He would also message me randomly in the year. I always replied but when I got with my recent ex, I stopped replying because it was disrespectful to my boyfriend at the time. He stopped after 2 years. So to say, it is annoying unless you want to get back together. I say keep your silence as the dumpee and let the dumper make the first move. Like this you know you are not being annoying or intrusive by replying. :)

 

I think I will have a hard time this year too, since last New Years was so amazing and we spent it together, 2 days of laughter and joy. This year, emptiness. It feels surreal. But it does give me hope he might be missing me to :)

 

I had a decent day, nothing special. This week I have been missing him a lot, but have managed to keep busy.

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I think I will have a hard time this year too, since last New Years was so amazing and we spent it together, 2 days of laughter and joy. This year, emptiness. It feels surreal. But it does give me hope he might be missing me to :)

 

I had a decent day, nothing special. This week I have been missing him a lot, but have managed to keep busy.

Nice to 'see' you Breadstick* ~ Glad you are pushing on. Hold strong and this period will be behind us soon enough*

Fair one Carus. Mind sharing with us why it was a good one?

Hi Monkey* ~ Hope you're doin' ok.

 

Well, healing is not linear...oh how I wish it was....

 

So generally I just felt ok. It was an up day emotionally.

 

More specifically, I had a productive day, I settled an insurance claim which I've been battling with for around 2.5 years which will give me some $$ to help me get back on my feet (as I lost everything), I went to my 6th session of a new form of therapy which I'm trying and I believe it's helping, I caught up with some dear friends, and I heard that a girl I've known and liked for many years split up with her boyfriend....That last one might not be such good news but I think once the dust settles a little for her I might have to see if I can plant a couple of seeds :)

 

Sadly her ex is going into that all too familiar place of blowing up her phone, doing drive bys at her house, etc....She's staying with a friend at the moment!

 

But we'll see what pans out*

 

I'm around 14 months out now and still have aways to go, but I feel I'm about halfway home now.

 

Xmas/NY will bring a tinge of sadness for me this year but I'm planning just to work through it and continue on into 2019.....

 

This time of year is tough for many people but we can post here and get through it together*

 

Back Soon

 

Carus*

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Hello to you too Carus :)

 

Sounds like you really did have a very interesting and eventful day, it sounds great. Congratz on the insurance claim!

 

That is a good idea! Hopefully I can land a good job before NY/Xmas and work through the festivities too, might also give me some added cash.

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Bump*

 

How's everyone doin'...?

 

Hanging in there I do hope.

 

I am pleased to report that today was one of the best I've had for what seems like an age*

 

C*

 

Doing quite well. Almost no thoughts about my ex in the last week, as I came to this site and let some of my pent-up thoughts out.

 

I am continuing to look forward to my near future and current goals, and that is what I actually care about now.

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Thank you for making a thread on this. I am honestly dreading the holidays... My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me completely out of the blue almost 2 months ago and I think I'm still in shock, it has easily been the worst 2 months of my life and every day I wonder how I'm still here.

 

Holidays are a special time when you're with someone, and him and I had a lots of holiday traditions that we've shared over the years. Everything seems to remind me of him, I've been avoiding certain things that we used to do together, and just generally feeling like scrooge thinking of Christmas and New Years even though I know I have a lot to be thankful for. Thank you for posting this and checking in on everyone. I don't expect it to be an easy time, I miss him like crazy every single day, but December will soon be over and I look forward to a new year and a fresh start.

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Glad to see people checking in. It certainly reminds us that we are not alone in this....Glad you're pushing on 11* I know it's been a pretty long and rough ride for you.

 

This is my second Xmas/NY without my family. So far I'm holding steady and not really thinking about it. I have some other problems that need solving so just trying to focus on that and January will be here soon enough. I can't lie though, I'm still a bit 'bruised'....

Thank you for making a thread on this. I am honestly dreading the holidays... My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me completely out of the blue almost 2 months ago and I think I'm still in shock, it has easily been the worst 2 months of my life and every day I wonder how I'm still here.

That's fine snf* ~ Part of getting me through this is to try and help, support or comfort others...The first anniversaries are usually the worst.

 

2 months out of a 3 year is sadly to say, not very long at all. So I would expect you're a bit shell shocked.....

 

If you have Audible or something similar, one great book that has helped me enormously is The Journey From Abandonment by Susan Anderson.

 

Please try and sleep and eat the best you can. Go for walks, get meditation into your daily diet, protect your income if you have one, and of course don't go blowing up his phone or social media.....You'll only hurt yourself more and drive the knife deeper in....

Holidays are a special time when you're with someone, and him and I had a lots of holiday traditions that we've shared over the years. Everything seems to remind me of him, I've been avoiding certain things that we used to do together,....

I can almost guarantee that he'll be feeling this too at the time....3 years cannot be totally wiped, even if we want to......

 

However, this in no way means he'll want to come back either. Don't use this as a reason to go contacting him either....Again. you'll only do further damage....

 

The danger is that at this stage, chances are high that you'll probably hear something from him, so hopefully you can use the original post as a guide to get you through. Noone will bash you if you don't though....It's damn hard and painful stuff.......

I miss him like crazy every single day, but December will soon be over and I look forward to a new year and a fresh start.

I'm right with you....Let's look forward together*

 

Love n Light*

 

Carus*

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi All* ~ Hope everyone is holding up ok*

 

Thanks for the bump dear Pip*

 

This thread is a little quiet so I'm hoping that's a good thing :)

Carus started this for people who needed somewhere to go ..... he has and is going through it ...

Yeh still going through it, although I am slightly better than what I was....

 

I found out this week that my ex is now in a new RS so it's a bit of a double whammy week....

 

I mean, it's inevitable but as anyone here would probably testify, it still stings a bit when it actually happens.

 

I also ended up cracking and having a peek at her FB page....PLEASE people don't do it!

 

I find I'm not so anxious yet about Xmas/NY but it may go up a bit on those days. If she's in a new RS then I think I'm safe as far as breadcrumbs go. The last one was about 5 weeks ago....

 

I sill have Dreams & Nightmares involving her unfortunately but the memories are fading so hopefully they will eventually too*

 

Love N Light

 

Carus*

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Funny you talk about dreams/nightmares involving ex’s. Had a few dreams myself lately with her in them. Very odd.

 

As for the FB stalking yeah massive no no. Heck I’m as guilty as you in doing things you know you don’t want to hear/see.

 

Keep your chin up. Like you said you’re slightly better which is an improvement. Just shows more time is needed and you’ll feel better than you do now.

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man you should become a motivational speaker! I always enjoy reading your posts.... and to add to that your posts is one of reasons I'm moving forward.. how do I know this because my ex brags she is in a relationship but yet that's her thing I wish her all the best in her affair relationship lol...

 

Just hope my daughter don't turn out like her....

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