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Thread: Rude as hell SIL

  1. #11
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    She's harboring resentment because she feels she's the one doing all the work. As you said, she put herself in that position, and you & your husband live too far away to help. Plus, they've refused any outside help, so it's all on her. Now, if she were to move away tomorrow, they'd have no choice, but since she's close, she continues to help, and resentment ensues.

    She's acting childish and extremely rude.

    However, skipping Boxing Day would hurt your in-laws.

    When you go, is it possible to stay in a hotel (if you don't already)? Is it possible to swing by, say Merry Xmas, and leave when her rude behavior kicks in?

    Your husband is trying to keep the peace. He's trying to be the bigger person here, and he's succeeding at that, as if he were as horrid as her, a huge blowout would ensue. He's trying to keep that from happening, so give him props for that.

    I get why you didn't step in. First of all, your first reaction was to cry.....I get it. Secondly, if you did, then you'd be blamed for the enormous blowout that she was probably hoping for, and that would hurt your husband, your son, and his parents. You are in a no-win situation.

    Family drama is such bullish*t. I'm so sorry you're going through this. She sounds terrible. Once his parents pass on, you never have to see her again.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    She's harboring resentment because she feels she's the one doing all the work. As you said, she put herself in that position, and you & your husband live too far away to help. Plus, they've refused any outside help, so it's all on her. Now, if she were to move away tomorrow, they'd have no choice, but since she's close, she continues to help, and resentment ensues.

    She's acting childish and extremely rude.

    However, skipping Boxing Day would hurt your in-laws.

    When you go, is it possible to stay in a hotel (if you don't already)? Is it possible to swing by, say Merry Xmas, and leave when her rude behavior kicks in?

    Your husband is trying to keep the peace. He's trying to be the bigger person here, and he's succeeding at that, as if he were as horrid as her, a huge blowout would ensue. He's trying to keep that from happening, so give him props for that.

    I get why you didn't step in. First of all, your first reaction was to cry.....I get it. Secondly, if you did, then you'd be blamed for the enormous blowout that she was probably hoping for, and that would hurt your husband, your son, and his parents. You are in a no-win situation.

    Family drama is such bullish*t. I'm so sorry you're going through this. She sounds terrible. Once his parents pass on, you never have to see her again.
    Yes, absolutely we stayed in a hotel because thereís nowhere to stay with either family . When we go to see them we only see them max for four hours because they are very elderly and most of time too old for more than that. She wants a massive blow up to show us up. She resents having to look after her parents even though they carried her on their butt till she was in her 40s . She spoiled rotten and needs a smack upside her head . She will be hearing from me after her parents die believe me .

  3. #13
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    My husband is a peacemaker like his mother. I am more of a butt kicker . I donít put up with bull crap and sheíll be hearing from me once her parents are gone . For now Iím silent due to respect for my husband and my in-laws .

  4. #14
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    I totally understand their situation. When my dad was dying from cancer, the familiarly imploded on itself. It's very stressful for all.

    If it were me and my sister in law was angry/frustrated, I would have diffused the situation, showed some empathy and told her to take a much needed break and I would take care of the dishes. Maybe suggest the siblings go spend some time together and talk.

    Some kindness can go a long way.

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  6. #15
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    fk her vic

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I totally understand their situation. When my dad was dying from cancer, the familiarly imploded on itself. It's very stressful for all.

    If it were me and my sister in law was angry/frustrated, I would have diffused the situation, showed some empathy and told her to take a much needed break and I would take care of the dishes. Maybe suggest the siblings go spend some time together and talk.

    Some kindness can go a long way.
    My husband tried that before by taking her for dinner last time she blew up at him. Didnít work. She told me to sit my butt because it was my birthday celebration too. She didnít want me to do dishes. She wants him to read minds and just get up and do things. My husband isnít like that. You need to tell him what is needed.

    One time though she asked my husband to go to football game with her in Ottawa which is three hours from us and six hours from her and she stood him up without saying a word because she was mad about something . She is a bytch.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    If it were me and my sister in law was angry/frustrated, I would have diffused the situation, showed some empathy and told her to take a much needed break and I would take care of the dishes. Maybe suggest the siblings go spend some time together and talk.

    Some kindness can go a long way.
    This advice would be great if she were a normal person.

    I have a feeling, though, she's a toxic person who would respond to kindness as just another way to get ticked off. Oh, so now you've decided to help me with the dishes? After all I've done!!! Blah blah blah, run, scream out of the room, slam a door......unfortunately, we have one of those in our family (ironically, my SIL too), so I've done this dance before.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    fk her vic
    Right. I wanted to smack her silly.

  10. #19
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    And as we are leaving she says to me, ď well you had your birthday anyway so goodbye.Ē Wth is THAT?

  11. #20
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    She's a spoilt, horrid little girl who has assumed a stance of aggressive self-pity. If she were to accept help in an adult way, it would blow the martyrdom with which she wants to beat everyone else, so of course she isn't going to do that. Unfortunately family tragedies in general exacerbate any underlying tensions or unresolved behaviour patterns, and if there's been a bereavement or an impending one, doubly so. Or, to put it another way, if someone's normally an absolute git, they'll become a mega-git under stress.

    You were right to let your husband deal with her, rather than stepping in yourself, because otherwise this would have been to undermine him in front of her - he's a grown up and deals with things in his own way.

    However, it sounds as if your Christmas will be spoiled if you spend any part of it with her around. Is there any way you'd be able to have contact with your mother- and father-in-law to let them know you're there for them, and are thinking of them, without having to extend a visit where you have to deal with your sister-in-law? You know the situation better than anyone else on here, but I have some nightmare relatives whom I don't see for years at a time, and having got over the initial feelings of regret I'm quite happy to keep it that way.

    I totally understand why your husband wants to keep the loving contact with his parents, but if there's a way of doing it without having to breathe in the toxic fumes of his sister, then go for it - free of guilt!

    (((HUGS))) and hope you had a wonderful birthday despite everything. xxxx

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